So I've run into a situation I never before really imagined.As we were walking into our house the other night (and I do mean night - it was practically dark outside), suddenly, out of nowhere, a little girl was right in the middle of my still-walking family (seriously, was she hiding under the stairwell or something?!), asking if "her"- pointing to Melinda- could come play. Jesse and I exchanged quick, confused glances, looked around to find her alone, and I explained that we couldn't play, because we were taking the kids in for bed now. I suggested she come over another time. I didn't actually expect it to happen.
Call me naïve. She came over again tonight, as we were finishing up dinner. Jesse would be leaving for cub scouts within the hour, and this is part of our unofficial family time. At the knock on the door, I got up to answer it. Impatient someone was on the other side, and began knocking incessantly as I made the 20 steps over to the door with Alex in hand. I was, at that point, expecting to open the door to find a family friend or something. Who else would knock like that? Oh, right, a young child all by themselves, I guess.
As soon as I opened the door, she blurted out a quick hi, saw Melinda behind me, and started walking in as she asked "Can I play with 'her'"? I held the door firm, confusion and disbelief quickly swimming up to the surface of my mind.
"Umm, we're having dinner right now. She can't play."
"Oh, that's okay." She starts forward to push past me. I hold the door firm, still, trying to think through this as best I can.
"Where do you live?" I nearly demand.
"Over there." She points vaguely towards a wall, and I assume she means a neighboring building.
Still not at all happy with this situation, I ask a little roughly, "How old are you?"
"Five." She answers without hesitation.
"Is your mom or dad home?" I'm still looking for reason somewhere among this situation.
"Yes." She waits impatiently for me to allow her passage, while Melinda and Jacob are practically clawing past me to meet this new, interesting person.
"Do they know where you are??"
"Uh-huh." No hesitation. She believes her answer.
But I hesitate. There is no way on earth that her parents really know where she is. I certainly don't know who they are or where they live. I still haven't met any of the adults in this complex. Well, aside from one church member who is moving next week. How could any parent let any 5-year-old girl wander through a very densely-packed apartment complex, inviting herself into random people's homes? 20 years ago, sure. But in this day and age?!?? I'm SHOCKED! I seriously can't believe it!!!
In the end, the conversation dragged on a little while longer, because this is seriously one persistant little girl, but I told her the kids couldn't play tonight, they'd be going to bed soon after their dad left for the evening. When she asked when she could come again, I told her she could come back before dinner sometime.
And as I shut the door on this little girl for the second time, again completely alone, I suddenly realized that maybe it wasn't a good thing to do. If she weren't coming into my home, whose home would she go into? Would she be safe? There are at least 5 sexual offenders of some degree listed within 1 mile of this complex. None of them are listed in the complex, but what's to keep them from hanging out in the parking areas? I suddenly felt very guilty for sending her away. But I can't in good concience allow her in, either, not knowing her family at all. Or is that wrong of me? It at least feels wrong to bring a complete stranger into the house, no matter what her age is.
I have a feeling she'll come back another day. What do I do? She is, most likely, a perfectly decent child, and my kids would enjoy knowing other kids in the neighborhood. But Jesse and I both have really icky sorts of feelings about parents who would let their 5-year-old daughter ask herself into other people's homes without ever checking out the situation themselves. I suppose, if I have time whenever she next appears, I could have her take us with her to meet her family, so we can get an idea of what's going on. Maybe her parents don't even actually know she's out of the house and walking around the neighborhood? It's a possibility, right? And if I meet her parents, is it appropriate to tell them that I'm seriously uncomfortable with the fact that their very young daughter is not being supervised in these situations? And here's another sudden thought: Am I supposed to call the police, or something, if I have a strange child approach my door without supervision, even with the innocence of just wanting to play? In Jesse's words, this is "criminal child neglect!!!" I don't know if that's technically true, but the whole situation feels shocking enough for me to nod my head vigorously, my eyes wide as saucers, when he says it.
And it also brought up some interesting conversations about strangers with Melinda. In Melinda's eyes, because I was with her, and the girl gave us her name, she is no longer a stranger and perfectly okay to play with and let her into our house. I'm going to have to work on this one. She's always overly-friendly with new adults, too. There's a book I've heard recommended a million times, called Protecting the Gift. Looks like I really truly need to read it and then work on discussions with my kids a little harder.
But really, I'm not the only one quite a bit creeped out by this, am I? This sort of thing may have been acceptable when I was a child in a quiet neighborhood 20-some-odd years ago, but certainly not anymore, right?? RIGHT???
6 comments:
That's nuts. I think if she came over again, I would follow her to her parents house and ask them if they knew she was out and about. Maybe just that simple question will help them realize that it's not safe or appropriate to be letting her run around like that. I'm glad you kept her out of your house. I would never let a child in whose parents I didn't know. Just think what they could accuse you of just to stir up trouble if they were those kind of people.
Ditto--I would go back to her house with her and tell her--with them--that your kids are available to play before dinner (give them a time frame) but also that your kids are not allowed to play without parental permission etc... It gives you a chance to 'meet' her folks at least a little, it gives your kids a demonstration of how is appropriate to go about these things, and it lets the girl and her parents know that you A--care where your kids are and B--don't keep weird hours.
it might have been good to have her come in and call the police. I remember when Jacy's son 'escaped' and made it all the way to the library. A lady there realized he was alone and held him until the police came. Some parents are either busy with something else (drugs, boyfriends etc.) or the child has escaped. Though like Jacy did they should have been out looking and calling her name.
I don't think you're nuts at all, to be worried about any of that.
We just have all the neighbor kids around here, so I know pretty much all of them. But when someone comes along that I don't know, I ask them who they are, where they live, who their parents are...
I think you're right to be concerned. I would also think calling the police or asking her to take you to her place to meet her parents (and make sure they do know where she is) would also be appropriate.
And you're absolutely right to be concerned, in light of today's atmosphere of sexual predators and kidnappings and such. It does seem to be more prevalent these days, and I think parents who pretend that it's not or that it's not that big of a threat are kidding themselves and will likely be sorry someday.
Good luck with it! I hope, for her sake, that her parents are decent and at least want to be involved.
That kind of thing totally weirds me out, too, and I have the same feelings of slight guilt and "what-the???" and the lot. I totally agree with the other comments. You should be concerned, and so should her parent(s)/guardian(s)/etc. I too think it would be good to go with her to her apartment to meet the adult(s) in her life and tell them your kids aren't allowed to play without her permission, so you wanted to see if they have given her permission....But anyway, you're totally on the right track and it's just a shame that more parents aren't as conscientious, obviously. Good luck!
C-R-A-Z-Y!!!! Good luck with that! I have 2 friends that are absolutley in love with the that book!!! You should get it!
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