Day 2

Well, Day 1 went alright. We did get out of the house and do some shopping. Jacob fell asleep in the car on the way to Babies R Us, where we spent a gift card, and stayed asleep in the basket of the cart- with my diaper bag for a pillow- the whole time we were browsing. We then went grocery shopping*, and by the time we were home, it was 4:30. Just enough time to put groceries away, get the kids a snack, sit down to nurse Alex, and then Jesse called. After we all talked, we had some dinner. I was going to do leftovers, but the kids asked for sandwiches, and I obliged, and kept the leftovers to myself.

*At the end of the grocery shopping, I took Jake out of the cart to make room for the filled bags, and within seconds, had completely forgotten that I took him out. Which resulted in a very embarrassing moment: I practically ran him over with the grocery cart. I have no idea what exactly happened... he was probably hanging onto the front of the cart and I was just going a little too quickly for him to keep up with his legs, or something. All I know is that suddenly about 3 different people all looked at me in horror and exclaimed, "He fell down! He fell down!!!" He didn't even whimper, so I don't think he got hurt at all, though his pants did get scuffs on them. But I seriously felt like worst mommy of the year.

They asked me to play some Mario Kart on the Wii, a while after dinner. They like to watch video games. It's not as interesting to watch mommy play Mario Kart, as it is to watch daddy play Zelda, though, and pretty soon, Jacob was sticking slobbery fingers all over Melinda, which really upsets her for obvious reasons, and nothing I was doing was making him stay settled down... and well, it eventually degraded into Jacob chasing Melinda all over the room, with her running and crying hysterically, and finally Jacob shoving Melinda right off the couch. I had just had it at that point, and decided it was a perfect time for bedtime. Well, Melinda really didn't like that, especially since it wasn't her fault that Jacob was being aggressive and getting on my nerves. But it really was technically their bedtime, anyway, so I stuck to it. Unfortunately the crabby part of me really came out in the whole process, because Melinda just wouldn't stop having a fit about the whole going-to-bed thing, and I was just getting tired of it, and cranky. Not proud of how bedtime went down, especially toothbrushing time, but Melinda was eventually sound asleep, and Jacob was sticking to his now-typical "I'm scared of everything but not going to actually act scared, just say I am" routine. He eventually got sleepy enough to join Melinda on the top bunk, but woke her back up in the process, and because she had thrown such a fantastic fit, her nose was stuffy and she couldn't breathe through it, which prompted another fit. *FINALLY* both of them ended up asleep, and Alex fell asleep around 9pm as well. It was a relief after the noise all three of them were making for a while, there. But then, there was nothing on TV. No new Netflix video to watch. And I didn't know how long Alex would be asleep, so I ended up deciding to start a new book.

It was far too quiet for me last night. I enjoyed reading and not being on constant mom-duty, but I also just felt too exposed to my drifting thoughts, when it came time for bed. Things like, why can't I be more fun and less business-like as a mom? What will my kids feel about their relationship with me if I don't change myself during the next several years? How do I change it? But I don't want to go through all that effort to change it, it doesn't feel like I can. Why am I so lazy that I can't even convince myself that changing would be good, even if it's hard? Anyway, you can probably see the sort of mood I put myself into as I was falling asleep, with thoughts going in that direction. I found myself wishing for the noise of Jesse snoring just to distract me from my thoughts. Because the annoying part of my thoughts was simply that they were making me realize that my family would benefit greatly from any efforts I could make to inject a more fun attitude into how I operate as a mom... and well, I have so many other goals in the back of my head right now that adding one more big one just makes me want to give up completely. I can't do it all at once, and I have no idea which is most important and should take priority. Plus, I've never been great at fulfilling my goals, anyway.

But enough about me and my wandering thoughts. We're now on Day 2, and it's going alright, although it would be better if Jacob weren't in such a frustrating age. We had an activity planned for this morning, but it was canceled due to rainy, yucky weather. So we did more shopping instead, and I got shiny new crayons for the kids, among other things. Melinda said the crayons were "just so exciting!", which made me giggle. Ah, but I know what she means. I'm always such a sucker for a brand new smooth-writing pen, myself!

Emily is coming over in just a little while. She saw my post yesterday and decided it was a perfect day to bring us some dinner. I'm so glad! I'm sure I could have managed just fine, but I'm even happier not to have to worry about it at all, and then to have her and her daughter's company, as well! Emily's always such a joy to be around, and it will make the day feel much less lonely. (Jacy, I don't know how you can do a full week at a time without Steve around! Do you spend a lot of time on the phone to make sure to get some contact with adults, or what?)

Hopefully bedtime will go a little nicer for all of us tonight. And of course, I have American Idol to entertain myself with this evening!!