Fruit, Despite the Drought

We've been back to school for about 10 weeks.  We had such a great summer, did so many fun things, and had generally a really positive time with each other.  But the last 10 weeks, man... they've been beating me down.  I feel like I've been putting out one fire after another, as a child (or multiple children, all at once) will have an issue with school that needs to be dealt with.  This morning, after dragging everyone to school 20 minutes early so that Jacob could do homework that he had neglected to bring home, I sat and discussed Jacob's progress with his teacher while he worked quietly at his desk.  He's making improvements compared to the beginning of the year, but every day brings some sort of struggle for him. 

After our impromptu parent-teacher conference, I said goodbye to Jacob and started walking home.  It was a very quiet walk, despite 3-year old Malcolm trotting beside me, and little Charlie sitting in the stroller as I pushed it along.  I was lost in thought, quite morosely.  I've just had this nearly overwhelming sense of weariness surrounding the process of school, how unrelenting the problems have been, how much time it sucks out of our lives, how frustrated we've all been getting.  This morning, even with words of encouragement and a positive attitude from Jacob's teacher, I was still feeling like a failure, like there was just so much work to do to help him and the other kids along, and that there's no way I'd be able to do it right.  I'll admit to my eyes filling with tears and my throat burning with the effort to hold them back, more than once while I walked.  Beat down, feeling like a failure, running out of energy and determination to dig deep and deal with it. 

I didn't have much in the way of anything planned for my day today, so I ended up in the back yard with a ladder and clippers, and I started picking persimmons off the tree.  Now, I had no real idea what a persimmon was before we moved here and they started growing.  I had certainly never eaten one before.  But this tree is kind of amazing.  I stood almost in one spot down on the ground, and had nearly filled a large box from just the fruit I could reach from that spot.  When I had too much trouble reaching, I got up on the steps of the ladder and continued.  Persimmon after persimmon, I snipped the stems and put them in a box.  There are so many of them on this tree.  And in the process of filling up that box, and looking at the beautiful orange color of the fruit, I started to marvel about that.  Here we are in the middle of quite a serious drought in California, and we certainly got extremely little rain at our house these last 6 months.  We pretty much forgot to water the trees until recently, too, so it definitely wasn't getting much help from us!  And yet, despite all that difficulty and strain on the tree, it still managed to produce all these persimmons.  So many.  So, so many.  Good, healthy, strong fruit, pulling down the branches of the tree and just begging to be used for something good.

And suddenly, I found such a profound comfort in that.  I want to try to put it into words, but I'm finding it difficult to convey the way it feels in my heart.  I felt as though truth pierced straight to my heart, that if this tree can produce such goodness despite the challenges it has faced this year and years previous, that maybe I'm not a failure. Not that I really *believe* I'm a failure, but sometimes it sure feels like it, you know?  When the problems come one after another and never seem to let up?  Maybe it's hard right now, maybe I'm weary, maybe we're all struggling mightily to get things right.  But despite that, maybe my kids will turn out to be good fruit in their own time, just like those drought-resistant persimmons.  Just a little more growing and nurturing and hanging in there, day after day, just a little bit at a time.  And one sunny day, the growing season will suddenly be over, and there they will be, grown and matured and delightful.

Doctrine and Covenants 64:33-34
      Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.

      Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.