Parenting goals

In one of the parenting groups I belong to, a question was posed:

What is your long range goal for your child? How will you look back and judge your parenting choices as successful or unsuccessful? As an adult, what qualities do you hope your child will have, and what are you doing now to encourage those qualities?

This is a fantastic group of parents that belong to this particular group. Whenever we get together, I see such joy, patience, love, and understanding in their parenting style. They're the kind of parents I try my hardest to be. And all too often, I feel like I fail miserably.

I've never been an especially goal-oriented person. I tend to live more in the moment than anything else, and react to situations as they present themselves. I can't say for sure whether this is more due to my personality, or the fact that I don't like to expend the effort needed to actually formulate and follow through with goals. But living "in the moment" tends to have a not-so-great effect on the way I view my relationships, I think. I don't plan ahead, I don't dream of how I want the relationship to evolve. They just are, and I tend to accept them as-is. While this is a great way to avoid getting into fights, I think maybe my relationships lack a lot of depth, which is a shame. Especially after reading some blog posts like this one and this one, I've been feeling like maybe I should put more conscious thought into my life and especially my relationships. Take them beyond what they are, and see them for what they could be.

And then the above questions are posed, and BAM, I'm just hit by how much I really wish I could answer those questions. I just don't have an answer for them! I've never sat down to think about my long-range goals (or even short-range, really!) for my children. What qualities do I feel most important for my children to have, and what on earth am I doing to instill those qualities in them? How will I judge my parenting as successful or not? And how can any of those questions be answered unless I am consciously working at some sort of goal on a day-to-day, hour-by-hour basis?

I find myself quite wrapped up in some sort of survival mode, I think. I spend far too much time just trying to survive the mundaneness of going from one poopy diaper to the next, one grocery shopping trip to the next, one day to the next... There are so many opportunities throughout a day for me to teach something to my kids, but I don't take advantage of more than a very small percentage of them. There are so many opportunities for really valuable activities, but I get lost in the motions needed to make it through the day.

I know it can't be impossible to be what I want to be. And as I'm about to write "I just wish I knew what it takes to get from where I'm at to where I want to be", I realize the answer: I need to make those goals. I need to think of them every morning as I wake up. I need to review them regularly throughout the day. I need to pray for the inspiration for how to follow through with my goals during our daily activities, so I can slowly gain that patience and joy in my parenting that I'd love to have.

The only way I'm going to get out of the rut is to make some changes. And changes take goals. And goals take conscious thought. So I'll be thinking.