Laugh till you cry

Last night, Jesse and I were directing Melinda and Jacob in their nightly living room pick-up. Jacob was cleaning up the markers they had left on the floor, and found one that was missing a lid. He was extremely concerned about this poor little marker with no lid. Jacob likes everything to be just right - especially things with lids. Hoping to get his mind off the marker and back to picking up, I told him, "It's okay, Jacob, just give the marker to Daddy and he'll keep it safe".

I wish I could give you a video of this instead of a written account, it would be so much better, timing wise.

JUST as I said "he'll keep it safe," Jesse ever-so-casually and thoughtlessly tossed the marker into the trash right next to him. The timing was just.... incredibly ironic, I guess. The look on my face must have been very incredulous, and Jesse just started giggling, and suddenly I just burst up laughing. And then Jesse started laughing harder. Soon enough, I was laughing so hard that I was crying, and very lucky that I wasn't peeing my pants!!

I just couldn't stop. Jesse eventually took Alex from me so I could go use the bathroom, and even as I was back there all alone, I was still laughing out loud. And even though I had calmed myself down by the time I came back out to the living room, as soon as I had sat down and exchanged glances with Jesse again, the hilarity just started right back up, and I was back to laughing so hard I was crying.

And as I was laughing so hard, I was saying, "It's not even that funny!" through my tears and wheezing. It really wasn't that funny. I'm fairly positive reading this probably won't even make you giggle. But the timing of me saying the word "safe" and Jesse just tossing the marker into the trash just had us both laughing for a good 10 minutes.

Maybe we're just sleep deprived. ;)

To make this more interesting, if you're reading this blog post, and happen to remember the last time you laughed so hard that you cried, please post about it on your own blog, and share it with me!

More Alex pictures

I've taken a few more pictures - here are some of my favorites! (And yes, for those wondering, Alex is definitely on the blond side, unlike Melinda and Jacob! In fact, an interesting note, is that Jesse found out that Boden is Celtic for blond [aside from my intended meaning of messenger/herald in French]...how fitting!)

All the family except Mommy, and then Grandma Newson holding Alex:


One week old!


Melinda pats Alex's head:


I really love this one for some reason!


By the way, this little Dinosaur outfit he's wearing is the Newborn size. I finally put it on, since his cord fell off today, and it's already time to put it away! I can hardly snap it past his diaper, and the arms are too short, and if he stretches out his legs, the toes are too tight!


Alex shows off how strong he is, and lifts his head off the ground to look around:


All curled up and snuggled, asleep in my homemade pouch carrier.

Alex's (very long, detailed) Birth Story

Note: This birth story is mainly for my own record and benefit. It may be rather boring and long in some parts, and a little more detail than you want in other parts. Feel free to read it and comment, if you'd like, but just know that I wrote it for me.

One week ago today, as was normal during the last several weeks of my pregnancy, I woke up for the fourth or fifth time that night to use the bathroom. It was just before dawn. When I got back into bed, I was surprised at how wide awake I felt. Usually, with waking up so frequently during the night, I never felt fully rested, and it took incredible amounts of willpower to get up before 9:30am. So feeling wide awake before dawn really got my attention. While I was laying in bed, waiting for sleep to return, I had a contraction. It was just before 7am. That in and of itself wasn’t unusual, since I had been having sporadic contractions for nearly a week at that point. But usually, those contractions happened more often in the late afternoon and the evening. This was the first time I had noticed one while I was laying in bed. At this point, I really couldn’t sleep. Soon enough, Jesse was getting up and getting ready for work, and I just kept on laying in bed, hoping to get more sleep. I had another couple contractions between the first one and the time that Jesse left for work. I wasn’t paying much attention to the clock, but it seemed like they were maybe 20-30 minutes apart at that point in time. I didn’t say anything to Jesse.

After Jesse left for work, Melinda and Jacob were up and out of bed, and soon asking for some breakfast. So I dragged myself out of bed and got them some cold cereal. And then I promptly went back to lay down. I had another contraction before it was time for me to get up and shower, and again, it seemed like it was probably between 20 to 30 minutes since the last contraction. I used the bathroom again at some point during all of this, and noticed some bloody show on the toilet paper. Then I started getting excited – this was something definitely new, and usually considered a solid sign of true labor! By the time I left the house at about 10:45am, I had used the bathroom at least 5 more times to “check” for more bloody show, and it was there each time. And the contractions were getting a little closer – about 15-20 minutes apart by my best guess (since I still wasn’t writing them down).

I had a chiropractic appointment at 11am to help with the Pubic Symphisis Dysfunction. While I was there, I had a couple more contractions, and the chiropractor went ahead and did a little acupressure on my feet and ankles which had potential to encourage labor, since it was definitely beginning to appear that I was in fact in early labor. On the drive back home, which only takes 10-15 minutes, I had a couple more contractions.

Once I was home, I had to use the bathroom, and got another sure sign of labor – my bowels were very loose. At this point, I decided it was time to start calling people. I called Evelyn, my midwife, first, to basically just give her a heads up. I felt like I was still a good ways off from actually needing anyone to come to our home. When I talked to her, she told me, apologetically, that she may not make it to my birth, since she was with a woman in labor and only at 4cm at that point in time. But her assistant, Casey, would definitely be there, and they have another midwife they work with occasionally when situations like this pop up, so that Casey wouldn’t be alone. I was a little nervous about Casey being the one to come, since I had met with her the least amount of times during my prenatal appointments, and didn’t feel like I knew her very well. But it turns out that her being present at the birth confirmed my initial impressions of her anyway – she was a very warm, calm, happy presence.

After calling Evelyn, I called Jesse at work to let him know what was going on. He sounded a little excited, but not too concerned. But he ended up arriving at home for his lunch break a good half hour early. Apparently, once I had called him, he just became too unfocused (and nervous, in his words), and just sat at his computer doing practically nothing, until his boss told him to “just go home!”

Once he did get home, I decided to start timing contractions and really get a good idea of where I was at. I had quite a few that were 10 minutes apart, until 1pm, they suddenly started getting closer together, until at 1:20pm, they were suddenly 5 minutes apart or less. And they were starting to feel strong enough that I felt a bit serious through them. And while I could talk through them (my friend Cara even called me on the phone and talked with me for a few minutes), it definitely took a bit more effort. So I called the midwife again, and told her it was probably time to send Casey over, since contractions were now so close together and feeling stronger. If we were planning a hospital birth, this would be the point where we packed things up and headed out the door. But when I called Evelyn again, she said, “Are you sure? You seem awfully calm and chatty still.” I told her that I was sure, and so she called Casey and sent her on her way.

At about 2pm, Casey arrived and checked me back in the bedroom. She took her time, because my water was bulging and she commented that it’s a little more difficult to “assess” when the water is right there. She said I was “stretchy”, hemmed and hawed a bit, and then decided I was at 7cm dilated. I hardly believed her, and said, incredulously, “Really?!?” Well, at 7cm, things were really a lot further along than I thought they were (I really would have put myself at 4, maybe 5cm, just based on how I was feeling and my past births). So I went into a frenzy of phone calls. I needed someone over ASAP to watch the kids for me. My visiting teacher, Andrea, was my main person to call for childcare, but I had talked to her on the way home from the Chiropractor, and she told me then that she’d be unavailable between 2:30 and 5:30, when she had to drive her kids around to various appointments. And when I tried to call her after I was checked, she wasn’t even answering her cell phone. I started calling people on my back-up list, and soon found that nobody was answering their phones. I pulled out my little Relief Society directory book, which had just been made a couple months earlier, and found myself so grateful for its existence. I started flipping through it and calling anyone who I was remotely comfortable with and lived relatively close to me. Finally, after some time on the phone, I got a hold of Liz from the Primary Presidency. I told her my situation and she rushed right over, I was so thankful for her being available. But she needed to leave just after 3pm to pick up her kids, so I wasn’t done with phone calls yet.

Since I still hadn’t gotten through to anyone else, I decided to just start leaving messages with everyone I could think of, hoping someone would call me back before Liz needed to leave. The contractions during all of this were getting closer (2-3 minutes apart) and stronger, but I pushed them to the back of my consciousness and just focused on the phone calls. Some people later called me just about crazy for being on the phone when I was so deep into labor, I should have had Jesse making the calls, or I should have thought to call the Compassionate Service Leader (which never even crossed my mind, really!), but in retrospect, I’m kind of glad for something to occupy my mind for that length of time, so I wasn’t focusing on the pain of contractions. It made labor feel that much faster and not so intense. I had been standing against the kids’ bunk bed during all the phone calls, and even commented to Jesse a few times, “Man, it’s really hard to talk on the phone through contractions!!” Eventually I got a call back from Brittney, who I had ironically made plans with for that afternoon, and had canceled with because of labor. (I had joked with her that maybe this baby just needed a written invitation to turn down, in order to decide to come out!) Brittney said she could come right over as soon as she got her youngest son out of his bed. I thanked her profusely and got off the phone. When I looked back at my phone log, it was just about 2:45pm when I was on the last call. As soon as I was done, I went and used the bathroom. I had a very strong contraction while I was washing my hands, and informed Casey when I came out. During this time, the midwife Karen had arrived, after Casey had informed Evelyn of how far along I was, and it was apparent that there was no way Evelyn would be able to join us in time for the birth. Almost as soon as I had told them that I had had a strong contraction in the bathroom, I had another one, just as strong. “Holy cow!! Those were practically right on top of each other!,” I complained.

And before I knew it, they were all practically on top of each other. Melinda started coming in and out of the room, wanting to watch, but since nothing super interesting was happening, was fine with leaving again. Brittney soon arrived, and offered to take the kids out back to play. Melinda just couldn’t pass up that opportunity, and dashed out of the room to put her shoes on and play. (Her hierarchy of priorities: TV is less interesting than birth, but birth is less interesting than playing outside!)

It seemed practically no time at all before I was suddenly feeling pushy during the later parts of the contractions. I announced it, and all I got was a cheery “That’s fine.” Casey and Karen encouraged me to stay upright and let gravity help, and positioned me at the foot of my bed, leaning on my hands to support myself, with my legs apart so I could sway my hips through contractions. I eventually felt very tired of supporting my weight with my arms, and asked if it was okay to kneel down instead. “Of course!” they said, and made sure I was helped down. I soon buried my face into the mattress, Jesse holding my hand and rubbing my back, whispering encouragement in my ear. I was starting to have trouble through contractions, and the pushy feeling intensified to the point where I was grunting and giving small pushes through many of the contractions. Soon enough, I was fully pushing, and very uncomfortable. If there would have been time enough between contractions, I later remarked, I might have cried from the intensity of it all. But there was very little in the way of breaks – only enough time to catch my breath before the next contraction, really. During one of the later pushes, my water suddenly broke, and then I could really feel the baby’s head in the birth canal. It did not feel good, and since I’m so great at stating the obvious, I said, “I can feel the baby’s head in the birth canal!” Everyone thought that was hilarious, apparently. Karen said, “What did you think was there, a cabbage head?” And Jesse joked, “I don’t know, it looks like it could be a pony, maybe!” And it was all odd enough that it pulled me out of the intensity for just a few seconds, and I had myself a little laugh right along with them.

But then it was back to work, and I pushed with each contraction. Not with any coaching – nobody told me how or when to push, I just pushed when my body told me to. If I had been in a hospital, I might have been told I was doing it all wrong – the pushes were short, definitely not to a count of 10, but they were effective. The head was soon crowning. I could tell, it was a familiar enough sensation, and the most uncomfortable part of all, but nobody was telling me that the head was crowning, and I guess it frustrated me a little bit. I asked quickly and breathlessly, “Is the head crowning??” “Yes, the head is crowning.” Of course it was. What I felt was accurate; I knew what was going on. But it was still nice to hear it. Another push or two, (pushing with all my might, but backing off a little with the fear of tearing) and the burn of crowning went away. “Is the head out?!?” I asked, a little panicky. “Yes, the head is out now.” Of course it is. Thank goodness. Another couple pushes, and then the pain really intensified again. “Is it the shoulders??” (PLEASE, say it's the shoulders!) “Yes, it’s the shoulders now.” Oh, good, what I felt was right. Thank goodness again. They had me put one leg up, so I was on one knee and one foot, to help make room for the shoulders to come out. A couple more pushes, and the shoulders were out. I remember in my past labors, once the shoulders were out, the rest of the baby’s body just slipped out without any effort at all, and that slipping felt like such a huge relief. This time it felt a little different – not so much an effortless slipping out, as it was a slower “oozing” out.

Alex was quickly placed on the floor in front of me, born at 3:27pm, only about 45 minutes after I had gotten off of the phone. I sort of just looked at him with a little bit of disbelief! I definitely remember thinking, “Wait a minute, a 9 pound baby should look bigger than that….” It took me a couple seconds to realize, “Hey…I’m supposed to pick that baby up!!” And I did pick him up, and held his slippery, blue-purple body against my chest, a little awed that I was finally seeing him, that he was finally out. Casey and Karen helped me sit down, put some pillows behind me, and I just stayed there on the floor, between the foot of my bed and the file cabinets behind me. Alex wasn’t suctioned out, his cord wasn’t clamped and cut…. nothing was happening except for me meeting my baby. After a minute, they laid some warmed receiving blankets on top of Alex, but that was it. It was so different from hospital births. Alex cried, and I couldn’t seem to really soothe him. He wasn’t interested in nursing just yet. While I was still sitting on the floor, Melinda and Jacob were brought in to see the baby, but they didn’t seem especially impressed, and just wanted to go outside to play some more!

Several more minutes went by, and I was helped up to the bed to rest until I felt cramping again, to birth the placenta. I tried several more times to nurse Alex, but he still wasn’t interested. Then I was asked to push with the next cramp I felt, and with that push came the placenta. Alex’s cord was clamped and cut at that point.

The order of things that happened after that is a little bit blurred for me. I believe that the placenta was examined first. Casey called it a beautiful, perfect placenta. I watched her examine it… I’ve seen placentas before, but it’s still something interesting to watch. It looked so much bigger than I would imagine a placenta to be. Alex was also weighed and measured. Karen and Casey had a little exchange: “How big do you think he is?” “I don’t know, I think he might be 10 pounds!” I sat in disbelief, hearing how big they thought he was. Evelyn had said at a recent prenatal appointment that he was “definitely” 9 pounds, and that was about what I was expecting - just a bit bigger than my other two babies. But 10 pounds sounded a little on the crazy side! They put him in the blue fabric sling, and weighed him – he was pronounced to be not only 10 pounds, but 10 pounds 10 ounces! “You’re kidding!” I exclaimed. “What on earth is wrong with me, that I look at a 10 pound 10 ounce baby and think he looks small?!?” I really couldn’t believe it. I have always loved hearing about the births of bigger babies. I have always believed myself capable of birthing a bigger baby. But I was expecting something at least a full pound lighter at this birth, so I was a little bit shocked!! His length was 21 inches, and his head was an incredible 15 ¼ inches around. He cried through the measuring, and got very upset. When I had him back, he was finally ready to try nursing, and managed to do it with no correction needed!

After measuring and weighing him, Karen checked on me. I had a slight tear. She said it could have used maybe one or two stitches, but when she and Casey both looked at it, it was a nice clean, straight tear and looked like it could heal itself fairly easily. We all decided it would be far less traumatic for me if we just skipped stitching altogether. I’m glad for that decision – I’ve had practically zero pain in that area since the birth, compared to the stinging and tenderness for the first few days I’ve had with the others. They also made sure my uterus was shrinking normally, and that the bleeding wasn’t too much, and found me in good condition. Soon, they were cleaning up and on their way out. And I was still snuggled nicely in my own bed, in the comfort of my own home. It all felt perfect to me.

We had quite a bit of company that day. Between both Liz and Brittney (with her 2 boys) there to watch the kids, and then my visiting teacher Andrea showing up just as the midwives were leaving, it already felt much more lively than I’ve experienced in my hospital births, where nobody was there except for hospital staff, myself, the baby and Jesse. And of course, the other major difference being that Alex was born in the afternoon instead of the middle of the night. Usually I was done birthing and so exhausted that all I wanted was to sleep! But this time, I felt wide awake and thrilled that everything had gone so nicely, and happily chatted with my visitors.

The first 12 to 15 hours of Alex’s life were making me a little bit nervous – he would go from perfectly content to completely upset in no time flat. He’d be nursing just fine and happy, and all of the sudden refuse to suck anymore, until I would offer a finger to suck on. Then he would be happy with that for a little bit, but go right back to being upset again. Eventually Jesse figured out that when he wouldn’t want to suck at the breast or on a finger, he wanted a diaper change, and then he would be calm again. Thank goodness for that discovery. We must have gone through about 8 meconium-dirtied diapers just between midnight and 5am. Who knew a baby could poop so much?! But after his last dirty diaper, he finally slept quietly so we could get some rest. After that he was a totally different baby, thank goodness! I was definitely not feeling ready to handle a baby who cried a lot.

I was instructed to spend at least the first two days laying in bed. Unfortunately the first few bowel movements I had after the birth were not friendly to me, and I found myself dealing with very painful hemorrhoids, just like I did after Jacob’s birth. So really, I’ve spent nearly the entire first week staying in bed. I’m feeling better now, and although the hemorrhoids aren’t gone, at least they aren’t causing me significant pain...as long as I sit on the Boppy while I’m on a hard chair, at least! I’m still trying to limit my sitting time (with the exception of typing out this long birth story, obviously), hoping to speed healing time. Aside from that one problem, though, I’ve been feeling fantastic. And Alex is also doing very well, nothing like that first 12 hours of his life. He’s been good at sleeping, nursing, and fairly easy to calm when upset. My milk came in quickly, and he was already a full ounce heavier at his check-up, 3 days after his birth. According to our doctor, Alex is just “perfect!” And how could I possibly disagree with that?

Casey visited me again a couple days after the birth, and had barely enough time to check on me before she had to rush off to another birth. While she was there, she told me that the week had been incredibly busy for them. She had been up for 48 hours at one point. I told her how hard a job like that must be (and I had just been reading “Pushed” by Jennifer Block, where I had been reading of similar situations by midwives), and she told me that yes, it was hard work sometimes, but it was also so rewarding for her. When things occasionally got very busy and difficult, she would just pray for strength, and got what she needed. She really feels like she is doing God’s work, she said. And after such a nice, peaceful birth experience, I really have to agree with her on that count.

Casey also told me that she’d been sharing my experience with all the other mothers she worked with that week, she was so proud of me! In her words, I was so calm during labor, and just a “grunt, grunt” and out this 10 and a half pound baby came! I laughed and told her it felt a little more than a “grunt, grunt”, but she said she was amazed by how calm I was during labor – not a “drama” person during labor at all. Again, I certainly didn’t feel calm through all of labor, but at the same time, I was definitely more kept together than I was during Jacob’s birth, which had similar timing. I always remember feeling very much like I had been plowed over by a freight train, after Jacob was born – my emotional response just couldn’t keep up with my body’s physical progress, and I just felt very panicky, and then shell-shocked when it was all over. It was very different for Alex’s birth. It was certainly very intense and hard at the end, but I knew what was going on, and I still felt generally in control of what was happening, and overall content with my surrounding environment. I really think that a homebirth made all the difference in the world for this birth. I’m sure, with a 10 pound 10 ounce baby, if I had been in the hospital, I would have felt just as crazy panicked – if not more – as I did during Jacob’s birth. Many people I’ve talked with since the birth have expressed how amazed they are that I birthed such a big baby at home – that I’m some sort of super hero or something! In reality, I think I was able to do it, simply because of my surroundings, being where I already felt comfortable. I don’t feel like a super hero, but I do feel proud of my choice to homebirth, and elated that it was such a good experience for me. If we have another baby, I will definitely be planning another homebirth. I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.