I like to think that I'm relatively stress-free these days. Sure, Jesse's losing his job. Sure, we don't know where we're going to be living in a couple months. Sure, Melinda's going off to school in three more days. But I have faith that it will all work out. I'm just going with the flow, going about our day-to-day life as it happens. It will all be fine, I know it will! We just have to get from here to there.
Still... I guess I've been perhaps more subconsciously stressed than I've been willing to admit to myself. You see, my computer's been on the fritz for a while now. Every now and then, it will just get super finicky and not boot up. When we run it in safe mode, we discover that it's hanging on a file called mup.sys. Well, the grand ol' internet tells us that this pesky little file could be pointing to problems with anything from its USB ports to the hard drive failing. Great. Usually, a good amount of completely unplugged rest time would be enough to cure it, but not yesterday. Yesterday it just wouldn't start up. Jesse finally decided to call it quits on trying to mess with it and bring it back to life, and instead sacrificed his computer to become mine. He made my old hard drive a "slave" to his, so I would still be able to access my things, while his did the hard work of actually booting up. I was relatively content with this solution... until I actually sat down to mess around with it.
Even if I tried to use my internet browser from my hard drive, it would run the browser from his. Complete with his settings, his bookmarks, his cookies. NOT MINE. If I tried to run iTunes from my drive, it would still access all of his files. Not mine. Not the ones I painstakingly organized for hours and hours. If I tried to use Outlook to access my mail, all it came up with was a blank, un-used program. None of my saved emails, my contacts, or anything. Nothing was my own, nothing at all!
This, after a long, tiring day at the beach and a school orientation meeting. The sun and humidity had sapped all my energy. I was completely drained and exhausted by the end of the day, and all the stress of trying to make things mine again was just too much for me to handle. Jesse would offer me suggestions, and it literally felt like everything he said was turning into mush once it reached my brain, because I couldn't even process the simplest of his sentences. It all started to sound like complete gibberish, even though I knew the words he was saying. After a long while of trying, and working and coming up against a brick wall, I finally gave up, shut off the computer, and found myself staring at the blank screen, just crashing into despair. I couldn't see how it would get better. Everything was just a mess, and I couldn't deal with it.
I laid my head down on my arms and buried my face in defeat.
Jesse noticed, and asked what was going on. I couldn't bring myself to make more than some guttural, nonsensical response. Again a question, again no real answer from me. Did the computer crash? "No, I turned it off," came my mumbled reply. Obviously, my face-burying was not a normal response after turning off the computer. Jesse had watched me get frustrated with the state of things during the evening... and at this point, he came over and touched my shoulder gently. "It'll be okay, Becky," he assured me.
And I lost it. It was the last straw. I started sobbing. It didn't feel like everything would be alright. Everything was a mess, it was stressing me out, and I couldn't handle it. I just wanted my computer back!!! "Nothing is right!" I choked out in between sobs. My mind raced. Saying that statement out loud suddenly made me realize I wasn't just talking about the computer. We don't have a job! My husband's not happy! Our van is too old! We don't know where we'll live! The house is a mess! My finger feels like it belongs to a leper! Alex's teeth aren't healthy! My baby's starting school! My computer shouldn't be doing this to me when I'm already dealing with so many things! Nothing is right!!
"It's so stupid to cry over a computer!" I wailed through my tears. Isn't it stupid? It's just a thing! It's not really important! All the important things I have saved on my external hard drive, nice and safe. The really important things are the people around me, and they have nothing to do with this. This is really not something to have a breakdown over. Right???
Jesse paused before he answered. "No, it's not stupid," he responded. "It's like walking into a home after it's been robbed and everything's a mess and things are missing. It makes sense to be upset."
Oh. My brain had not come to that conclusion. I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. Yes, it did feel like that. Nothing was my own, it was like sitting in front of something completely foreign and unfamiliar, something completely uncooperative to my needs, when I was so used to things being exactly the way I liked them and working exactly the way I needed them to. My computer is my lifeline for so many different things, after all. Of course it was upsetting to have that all ripped away. So, with that realization, I allowed myself to feel it: All that frustration and despair.
I cried harder, not saying anything else. Jesse shushed me and caressed my shoulders, reiterating that it would be alright, these were all things I could fix. His touch was a much-needed lifeline to reality. It would just take some time. And wasn't it a good thing I didn't lose access to all my things completely? Not much longer, and my distress came to an end. The last of the tears fell, my body quieted, but I still felt a bit numb. I wasn't ready to deal with things just yet.
But I was feeling so grateful for (and particularly in love with) my husband, who has such a unique and understanding perspective that I need in my life. Who works so hard to make less-than-ideal situations work. Who supports me and loves me. He's most of the reason why I'm so confident that things will be fine. How could they not be, with Jesse taking care of us? He always comes through.
As of right now, even though I've had limited time to work on things today, I've got things mostly up and running to my general liking. I have to reinstall a couple things... but I'm confident they'll work out. There's a few things I can't seem to change (the annoying blockish font, for one...), but I'm sure I'll get used to them with time.
See? It really was fine. But, I suppose every camel's back has a last straw waiting for it somewhere. I guess mine was a computer breakdown, leading to my own personal emotional breakdown. The cry did me some good, I think, and made me realize that maybe I'm a little more stressed out than I thought. It's good to be aware of it... though it sure will be nice when life can get back to normal again. And it will also be nice when a steady income means we can start replacing the aging, decrepit sources of some of my stress, of course. ;)
Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 24, 2009
Big Girls Don't Cry
I want time to stop and remain in these next few days forever.
And yet, some days, I just want to get it over with already, and see what it will be like.
I've been a mother for 5 years, 10 months and 8 days. 2,139 days. For every single one of those days, Melinda has been by my side, never separated for more than a few hours. Some days have been great, some days have been terrible, and some days I'll probably never even remember. Even still, I'm not ready to let those days go. I'm not ready to be the mom of the school girl. I'm Becky... I stay at home with my kids. Melinda is my #1 helper, my go-to girl. She's the ringleader, the creative spark during playtime, the technical whiz, and often the biggest reason I convince myself to drag us all out of the house to do something interesting. Because I know she'll like it.
My very first baby, my pride and joy. She's a big girl, now. Almost 6 years old. And I sit here, trying to define all the thoughts and feelings that have been running through my head for the past few months, but more especially the last couple weeks. I'm about to send her off to Kindergarten. Alone in the big world for six and a half hours every day, making new friends where I can't watch, being responsible where I can't remind her what to do, making her own choices, learning her own way...
I suppose I'm lucky that I've had an extra year to get used to this idea of sending her off. Because of her late birthday, she's just starting when she's almost 6, instead of almost 5. I think she's ready. Throw her into a room full of strange kids, and she'll immediately try to take lead of the situation. Nevermind if she forgets to ask anyone's name, and just shouts, "HEY, YOU!" instead. Everything she does, she does with all her energy. (The only way I can think to describe Melinda is to say that she's vivacious. Vibrant.) I'm positive she'll throw herself into school with everything she's got. In fact, she put up quite a fuss when I scheduled a time to go to her best friend's neighborhood swimming pool (at her request!) when it ended up having to be scheduled for after her 2nd day of school, in the afternoon. "But I'll be too tired!!" she protested. I'm sure school will be great for her. She's already amazed me with her quick uptake on the reading.
I feel like I'm in a constant state of rubber-necking. Watching her grow in leaps and bounds (first it was the bike riding without training wheels, then it was swimming underwater when she used to be terrified of getting her face wet, and then it was reading whole books without any help from me)... all while constantly being reminded of the fact that she is so much the reason I am who I am. The decisions I've made in my life, the person I've become... it's all happened largely because she was born. And grew, day by day by day (all 2,139 of them), taking me right along with her.
And in just 6 more fleeting days, she won't be just mine anymore. She'll be out there.
And, yeah, I'll admit I'm quite worried if I let myself think about certain things: Will she be safe around strangers? She has such a tendency to leap into the arms of any friendly-looking person, trusting and open-hearted as she is.... Role playing certainly didn't seem to help her grasp this concept of caution. Will she be safe??? And lesser worries: Will I plan ahead well enough give her wholesome lunches? Will she be okay without her snacks between meals?? Will my calendar fill with crazy scheduling dances that I can hardly wrap my head around? Will she be okay in a school setting and learn well?
Will Jacob and Alex miss her?
Oh, definitely. I hope they adjust well to the dynamic that the majority of their day will be without Melinda in charge. I hope I remember how to play and interact with a 4 year old, one-on-one. I hope I can manage to think of things that will be fun for them both. For so long, Melinda's been my top priority when it's come to planning activities. But now what? If I want to think of an outing, what will I choose? Oh my goodness, it will be boys that I'm catering to. Do I even know how to handle that??
Will I feel completely lonely without Melinda in the house?
Yes, I certainly will. For at least a while.
Maybe always... I don't know.
My heart definitely wishes I could go with her, and at least watch her.
Six more days. Six more days I'm so grateful that I have. I hope they will be good days that I will cherish... but I also know that they aren't enough. I hate that I know that they won't be enough. I'm still not ready to let go. I don't think I'd be ready to let go if she were 30 years old and just leaving the house.
Well, maybe her teenage and adult years would prove me wrong on that one, but from my perspective here and now, I feel like I'd be heartbroken no matter when she left.
And maybe I'm being melodramatic. Yes, I realize I'll see her every afternoon as soon as she gets home, and have every weekend with her, and many many vacations lie ahead of us... But seriously, this feels so much like the beginning of the end to me. Once she starts school, I know that time will feel like it's going by at the speed of light, and before I know it, she'll be a teenager, then an adult, then moving out, getting married....
... And I just want her to be my baby forever. The person who's there for her, day in and day out. Life just won't be the same when she's gone for such a large chunk of time for so many days of the week.
Change is hard. But it's exciting, too. I can't wait to see her learn new things, and grow into her own person. To see how I change and grow, too. But mostly, I just keep thinking about these last few days being something I'll never repeat again. It's definitely one of those life-changing moments, the day you send your very first child to school.
It hurts to think about it. I still don't know if I'm expressing my thoughts and emotions clearly... but I don't want this moment to go by without saying anything at all. And I know I'm not going to be in any shape to say anything coherent on her first real day all by herself. Maybe by the time I'm sending her off to college, I'll be more articulate. But then again, I'll probably say much of the same, and with just as many tears:
There goes my baby girl.
And yet, some days, I just want to get it over with already, and see what it will be like.
I've been a mother for 5 years, 10 months and 8 days. 2,139 days. For every single one of those days, Melinda has been by my side, never separated for more than a few hours. Some days have been great, some days have been terrible, and some days I'll probably never even remember. Even still, I'm not ready to let those days go. I'm not ready to be the mom of the school girl. I'm Becky... I stay at home with my kids. Melinda is my #1 helper, my go-to girl. She's the ringleader, the creative spark during playtime, the technical whiz, and often the biggest reason I convince myself to drag us all out of the house to do something interesting. Because I know she'll like it.
My very first baby, my pride and joy. She's a big girl, now. Almost 6 years old. And I sit here, trying to define all the thoughts and feelings that have been running through my head for the past few months, but more especially the last couple weeks. I'm about to send her off to Kindergarten. Alone in the big world for six and a half hours every day, making new friends where I can't watch, being responsible where I can't remind her what to do, making her own choices, learning her own way...
I suppose I'm lucky that I've had an extra year to get used to this idea of sending her off. Because of her late birthday, she's just starting when she's almost 6, instead of almost 5. I think she's ready. Throw her into a room full of strange kids, and she'll immediately try to take lead of the situation. Nevermind if she forgets to ask anyone's name, and just shouts, "HEY, YOU!" instead. Everything she does, she does with all her energy. (The only way I can think to describe Melinda is to say that she's vivacious. Vibrant.) I'm positive she'll throw herself into school with everything she's got. In fact, she put up quite a fuss when I scheduled a time to go to her best friend's neighborhood swimming pool (at her request!) when it ended up having to be scheduled for after her 2nd day of school, in the afternoon. "But I'll be too tired!!" she protested. I'm sure school will be great for her. She's already amazed me with her quick uptake on the reading.
I feel like I'm in a constant state of rubber-necking. Watching her grow in leaps and bounds (first it was the bike riding without training wheels, then it was swimming underwater when she used to be terrified of getting her face wet, and then it was reading whole books without any help from me)... all while constantly being reminded of the fact that she is so much the reason I am who I am. The decisions I've made in my life, the person I've become... it's all happened largely because she was born. And grew, day by day by day (all 2,139 of them), taking me right along with her.
And in just 6 more fleeting days, she won't be just mine anymore. She'll be out there.
And, yeah, I'll admit I'm quite worried if I let myself think about certain things: Will she be safe around strangers? She has such a tendency to leap into the arms of any friendly-looking person, trusting and open-hearted as she is.... Role playing certainly didn't seem to help her grasp this concept of caution. Will she be safe??? And lesser worries: Will I plan ahead well enough give her wholesome lunches? Will she be okay without her snacks between meals?? Will my calendar fill with crazy scheduling dances that I can hardly wrap my head around? Will she be okay in a school setting and learn well?
Will Jacob and Alex miss her?
Oh, definitely. I hope they adjust well to the dynamic that the majority of their day will be without Melinda in charge. I hope I remember how to play and interact with a 4 year old, one-on-one. I hope I can manage to think of things that will be fun for them both. For so long, Melinda's been my top priority when it's come to planning activities. But now what? If I want to think of an outing, what will I choose? Oh my goodness, it will be boys that I'm catering to. Do I even know how to handle that??
Will I feel completely lonely without Melinda in the house?
Yes, I certainly will. For at least a while.
Maybe always... I don't know.
My heart definitely wishes I could go with her, and at least watch her.
Six more days. Six more days I'm so grateful that I have. I hope they will be good days that I will cherish... but I also know that they aren't enough. I hate that I know that they won't be enough. I'm still not ready to let go. I don't think I'd be ready to let go if she were 30 years old and just leaving the house.
Well, maybe her teenage and adult years would prove me wrong on that one, but from my perspective here and now, I feel like I'd be heartbroken no matter when she left.
And maybe I'm being melodramatic. Yes, I realize I'll see her every afternoon as soon as she gets home, and have every weekend with her, and many many vacations lie ahead of us... But seriously, this feels so much like the beginning of the end to me. Once she starts school, I know that time will feel like it's going by at the speed of light, and before I know it, she'll be a teenager, then an adult, then moving out, getting married....
... And I just want her to be my baby forever. The person who's there for her, day in and day out. Life just won't be the same when she's gone for such a large chunk of time for so many days of the week.
Change is hard. But it's exciting, too. I can't wait to see her learn new things, and grow into her own person. To see how I change and grow, too. But mostly, I just keep thinking about these last few days being something I'll never repeat again. It's definitely one of those life-changing moments, the day you send your very first child to school.
It hurts to think about it. I still don't know if I'm expressing my thoughts and emotions clearly... but I don't want this moment to go by without saying anything at all. And I know I'm not going to be in any shape to say anything coherent on her first real day all by herself. Maybe by the time I'm sending her off to college, I'll be more articulate. But then again, I'll probably say much of the same, and with just as many tears:
There goes my baby girl.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Catching Up On Facebook
Wow. It's really been a WHOLE MONTH since I last did a Facebook status update. Yikes. Ummm.... sorry?? Sometimes I just get terrible with keeping things updated. This must be one of those times. Anyway, without further adieu, here's what's been happening over the last month!
July 27th
9:30am
Becky seems to have misplaced her motivation. Which means, of course, I'm not even motivated to go looking for it.
11:07am
Becky found some motivation. Finally cleaned out Melinda and Jacob's too-small and warm-weather things from their dresser. Voila! The drawers shut again! Just Alex's left to do.
6:40pm
Becky's apartment is now sporting a broken window. Jacob was playing in the playroom, threw a hard plastic ball (meant for rolling on the ground), and broke an entire pane of the playroom window. So, now we get to both pay for a new window, AND the kids can't play in the playroom until it's fixed. Whenever that will be. Oh, the joy.
>>> Update: It looks like we probably don't have to pay for it, as nobody's said a word to us about it, and the maintenance guy sounded like he doubted we'd be charged for the repair. Nice!
July 28th
2:10pm
Becky just had the broken windowpane taken out of the apartment, hopefully returned whole and new within a day. But what is up with Jacob? After showing so much remorse about his accident, saying he didn't mean to break the window, having long talks with daddy and mommy, etc., ...not 3 minutes after he was allowed back in the room, he whacked the storm window with a wooden tinker toy stick-- Hard. ?!?!!!
July 29th
4:13pm
Becky spent 4.5 hours at the pool with friends.
1) Yay for rainy days - less burn potential, & no crowds!
2) Jacob took me on a tour of every bathroom stall with his 3 trips to the potty.
3) Melinda found a caterpillar that left a million hairs stuck in her hand like a porcupine, and they felt "pokey". NOT cool- She was a wreck.
4) Alex crashed asleep in the car 2 minutes after being buckled.
5) Who's going to cook dinner?
>>> Update from the present: She got inflamed bumps from the caterpillar hairs a couple days later that took almost a week to go away. Got a call from the same friend just last night wondering how Melinda's hand reacted after the caterpillar, as her husband thinks a current nasty boil thing on his hand might be from the same type of caterpillar, which research showed can actually shoot its hair spine things in a defensive manner. Wow.
7:09pm
Becky is dead tired. Whole body wants to be limp. The super-active day caught up with me.
July 30th
11:04am
Becky is so so so sore. From my biceps, shoulder blades, entire back, and even neck... I guess that's what carrying one child on each hip all afternoon in a pool can do to your muscles. Also explains why I was so very limp-feeling yesterday evening.
3:02pm
Becky thinks she's doing pretty good today. Dishes done, all 5 loads of laundry folded and put away, front room and playroom both picked up. Most days, I'm lucky to get just one of those things done.
7:23pm
Becky can't help but get excited about Jesse applying for a great-sounding job in Butte, Montana. Not Colorado... but a perfect halfway point between our families, and still nestled in the mountains! But I hate getting excited, too, afraid to set myself up for disappointment.
>>> Update from the present: He called to follow up not long ago. They are still reviewing resumes. He plans to call again this coming Thursday, which is 2 weeks from when he last called.
July 31st
2:04pm
Becky took Melinda for her school physical today. Car overheated on the way. Had just enough fluid to get there, called Jesse to skip his lunch and come and check it out. Got a ride home from some of his co-workers. Wonder if he got it fixed yet? Looks like it had a problem with a hose.... not the radiator again. Fingers crossed that it's a simple fix.
3:20pm
Becky wishes it were possible to physically remove the burden of stress from a loved one.
>>>Which is what I was thinking as I went on to post "Sharp Contrast".
11:53pm
Becky almost skipped past the Moonlight Sonota on the playlist... but found that it really struck a chord with her mood, after all.
August 1st
2:41pm
Becky went to lunch at Red Robin after Jesse finished working on the car. Seems to be in good shape, at least for now!
August 2nd
5:49pm
Becky is making yummy yummy cinnamon rolls.... Too bad I'll be giving them away! Maybe there will be enough to enjoy one, myself, though. :)
August 3rd
10:58am
Becky is trying to be productive amidst shrieks and fits of a grumpy Alex, and trying not to lose my cool with Jacob and Melinda who just aren't helping the situation. At least the floors are clean again.
3:28pm
Becky started grocery shopping just after 1pm. It's now 3:30pm, and I'm just home and finished unpacking, and so so so exhausted. When did grocery shopping become such a huge chore? On the plus side, I just discovered that Wegmans' in-store coffee shop has the most delicious fruit smoothies EVER, and at a reasonable price. Might have to get one every trip, now. ;)
4:14pm
Becky just became a loyal fan of Land's End. UPS claims they delivered my package on Friday... WHILE I WAS HOME with a broken car and nowhere to go... but I never got it. Not even a knock on the door, but it was marked as delivered to my front door. Called up UPS, pretty flustered and mad. They referred me back to Land's End... who *happily* and *cheerfully* replaced my entire package right there on the spot. :)
9:18pm
Becky went duck-pin bowling with the kids tonight. Upon returning home, found what was almost certainly the birth place of the millions of fruit flies that have been plaguing our home for the past week or so: A bag of forgotten, rotting, liquefied potatoes- oozing out of the bag onto the floor. (Serious GAG!!) A few wormy larvae-sort of things were even crawling around in it. SO SO SO gross! But all squeaky clean now!!
>>> Present-day update: Fruit flies still aren't completely gone, but we're getting there. Ugh.
August 4th
12:00am
Becky started a new class at jessicasprage.com, focusing on using brushes in Photoshop. Only one class in, and I'm already learning new tricks and making gorgeous projects! I'm in love. ♥
12:19pm
Becky made a trip to the post office, and came home with a large mailing tube, which we taped to the wall. Perfect for rolling cars and balls through. :)
3:48pm
Becky finally made it official: Melinda is registered for Kindergarten! The principal herself took our papers. We also took a supply list (which was thankfully small!) and already grabbed everything she needs for school, minus an art smock, which I'll probably just sew.
>>> First day of school is August 31st!! ONE WEEK LEFT!! (You can feel free to imagine me crying or dancing with glee, I keep going back and forth every two seconds!)
>>> Also... while looking for a smock pattern, I happened across a totally cute and super-functional smock on Etsy.com, and I caved and bought one there. Still waiting for it in the mail, though, as it's coming from British Columbia.
August 5th
1:23pm
Becky is hanging out at home, thanks to Jacob being ill on both ends... yet somehow he still has enough energy and oomph to run around the house maybe even a little more crazily than normal.
6:29pm
Becky spent dinnertime making quacking noises into her fist, and laughing as all the kids attempted to copy it.
August 6th
8:48am
Becky is so tired of extra laundry caused by kids pooping, peeing, or just generally being careless with spills. Sigh.
2:04pm
Becky is not in the right frame of mind today to react with anything but absolute horror when she is pee'd on- all over her feet, legs and pants- with no means for escape. On the plus side, Jacob said "sorry" and that it was "his fault". Softened me a bit.
August 7th
1:23pm
Becky managed to keep so busy today that the computer didn't even turn on until 1pm! Hot breakfast, shower (phew, glad I squeezed that one in!), feeding ducks and fish, taking Melinda's new backpack to be embroidered (she picked a lovely rainbow... w/ cloud and sun), and then lunchtime. Break time for me now, while the kids make forts in the living room. ;)
>>> And here it comes, the day goes downhill....
4:39pm
Becky is trying to decide if I should cook dinner or not. Kids pushed every button in the book today, and I just plain want out of one more chore. On the other hand, I hate making excuses for myself, and would probably enjoy real food more than restaurant food. Ugh. So indecisive.
August 8th
12:00pm
Becky should really be doing some laundry. Or making lunch. Or anything other than spacing out at the computer.
9:49pm
Becky's van went a WHOLE WEEK without stalling/dying. I'd say it's officially cured! (Well, of that particular "disease", anyway!)
August 9th
2:44pm
Becky got quite spoiled by a couple days in the low 70's. Not looking forward to the near 100 temps for the next few days.
August 10th
3:23pm
Becky cleaned up the front room, playroom, and kitchen, did lunch, the library, quick grocery trip, and *phew* finally ended with picking up Melinda's new embroidered backpack, which is just absolutely PERFECT. I'm zonked. Lucky Alex gets to nap, now. I have to cook dinner soon, on the other hand. But, shhhh... I picked up some Phish Food to help myself cool down, because it is SO HOT out there....
9:24pm
Becky is settling down with the computer to dive back into Photoshopping fun.
August 11th
9:48pm
Becky is so tired. Such a long day. But a good day. Got to visit Cara in PA. And my chicken went bad before I got to make my crock pot meal, so we went out to the buffet for dinner tonight. Kids in bed at 9pm... and Jesse fell asleep putting Alex to sleep, hehe.
August 12th
9:49am
Becky apparently woke up in the middle of the night, asking Jesse some sort of question about Photoshop. He related it this morning, and I remember clearly how he told me I was talking gibberish, and to go back to sleep. I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, "Geeze, silly man, you don't understand at all!!" and deciding I was too tired to argue about how I really WAS making sense. Even though I clearly wasn't.
11:43am
Becky appears to be suffering through yet another grumpy, cranky day. Maybe I'm looking forward to school starting, after all.
4:05pm
Becky is installing a brand-spanking-new version of Photoshop Elements. Weeee!
August 13th
10:39am
Becky is celebrating Jacob's last day as a 3 year old. :) Wondering when I'm going to squeeze in birthday-cake making, last-minute gift-making...
10:10pm
Becky is making custom Photoshop brushes instead of baking a birthday cake. I'm SUCH a procrastinator....
10:58pm
Becky hasn't started birthday cake-making just yet. But the good news is that the refrigerator has been cleaned out and a load of dishes started, so I actually have room to refrigerate the cakes when I'm done! :P
11:36pm
Becky has the cake in the oven, and the white chocolate/heavy cream "mousse" chilling.
August 14th
12:36pm
Becky finished Jacob's birthday cake... finally!
1) Angel food cake is so hard to frost without getting crumbs.
2) I can't make a toothpick outline on the cake for the picture, because it's already so full of air holes that the toothpick holes blend in.
3) Buttercream frosting in a very warm house doesn't hold up very long.
4) High five's to the first person who recognized what on earth I put on that cake!
>>> It's Link from the Legends of Zelda video games. Here's a comparison picture:
9:41pm
Becky is wondering what the future holds. Sounds like Jesse will be getting a job offer this coming Wednesday (to replace his job that is running out), but it probably involves 1) a hefty paycut, 2) a move to Utica,NY (no family AND no friends) and 3) a LOT of long-distance travel. We're extremely doubtful we'll take it, but also uncomfortable with walking away from a job with 3 kids to feed. Lots of praying to do.
(I didn't post an update about this, but on Saturday, August 15th, we went down to participate in a ward temple day. I had to stay with the kids, as the planned babysitting wouldn't take anyone younger than 18 months (though it always turns out that Jacob's a much bigger handful than Alex!). But Jesse got to go in and do a session. It was a perfectly-timed trip, gave Jesse lots of peaceful time to think and pray, and he got a very clear answer about what was the right choice. I followed up on my own a few days later with some quiet time out of the house, and found that I was definitely on the same page. We will not be going to NY.)
August 17th
5:59pm
Becky had fun at the Roosevelt Park pool... until I got back to my car and discovered I had parked in a no-parking zone. Got my first ticket ever, $27 for not noticing the sign behind the big bushy tree. :( At least my car wasn't towed...
August 18th
2:03pm
Becky thinks it feels like an honest-to-goodness sauna outside. Going to be a hermit inside the apartment with my nice air conditioning the rest of the day, thankyouverymuch.
August 19th
12:39pm
Becky is sort of on pins and needles waiting for Jesse to call today. If all goes as expected, he'll be declining an offer to move with the remains of his company (RNT) to Utica, NY to become an employee of Indium. We'll see what happens next... it's been a while since either of us have taken a leap of faith into a pitch-black future, but we're positive this is the right move for our family.
4:40pm
Becky can't seem to convince herself to stay in the kitchen long enough to do the necessary cleaning before dinner. Ugh. Need a house-elf to pick up my slack.
>>>5:21pm
oooookay. Dishes are in the dishwasher and being cleaned. Now to muster up the will to cook, lol.
6:42pm
Becky loves how easy-to-please Jacob is. He's got new birthday pajamas in the mail yesterday from Grandma Wilcox. From the moment he got them out of the box, he's been saying "I love my new pajamas SO MUCH!" about every 5 minutes. While wearing them. I got him dressed for errands this morning, but the instant we were back home, the pajamas went back on, and the adoration continued.
August 20th
11:37am
Becky had a really crappy night. Stupid gallbladder. I really need to get around to doing a cleanse.
3:06pm
Becky is sewing up some cloth napkins for Melinda's school lunchbox.
And can you believe one of the fabrics she picked was skulls on a red/orange flaming background? I wonder if she'll get more giggles or odd stares when she takes one of those.
6:02pm
(While having pancakes for dinner, when our usual is waffles.)
Jesse: "Which do you like better, Jacob, pancakes or waffles?"
Jacob: "Not pancakes. (pause) They're so wicked."
*strange looks exchanged between parents*
Jesse: "Do you even know what wicked means, Jacob?"
Jacob: "So bad."
..... *laughter* .....
Jacob: "What's so funny?!"
7:36pm
Becky just played her clarinet for the first time in many moons. Felt good. Lung capacity is shot and fingerings have been forgotten, but it still felt good.
August 21st
4:13pm
Becky 's emotional roller coaster isn't helped much when multiple strangers stop her during outings to tell her to enjoy the kids while they're little... they've got kids that they just sent to college. HELLO PEOPLE, I'M SENDING MY BABY TO KINDERGARTEN IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!! I **know** time goes too fast!!!
August 22nd
1:30pm
Becky is taking a break from deep-cleaning the apartment to settle Alex down and hopefully get him a nap. Looks like the laundry will take all day long. Every time it's humid, the dryer seems to take twice as long.
9:12pm
Becky is completely exhausted. Everything cleaned. Even re-organized my pantry shelves, and cooked all three meals. Laundry's still going, as I expected. Also, I married the most awesome man EVER. You should have seen him pitching in on the work today. I didn't even mention the tub or the kitchen floor in the list of chores to get done today, and he scrubbed them both down! ♥ ♥ ♥
>>> Present-day update: Yup, the playroom is already completely trashed. I think when we move, we'll be getting rid of most of our toys.
There you have it! Very nearly a full month in Facebook updates!
I'm hoping to do a few posts in the very near future, about my Photoshop classes, Jesse's job situation, Jacob's birthday, and even finishing up about Colorado (ack, before I forget!!!), but Jesse has this coming week off of work. Not by choice. And, since it's the last week before school starts for Melinda, I'm not sure I'll be spending a lot of time computer-ing, but opting for fun family activities and last-minute playdates. Still, I might find time in the evenings... so keep your eyes peeled!
July 27th
9:30am
Becky seems to have misplaced her motivation. Which means, of course, I'm not even motivated to go looking for it.
11:07am
Becky found some motivation. Finally cleaned out Melinda and Jacob's too-small and warm-weather things from their dresser. Voila! The drawers shut again! Just Alex's left to do.
6:40pm
Becky's apartment is now sporting a broken window. Jacob was playing in the playroom, threw a hard plastic ball (meant for rolling on the ground), and broke an entire pane of the playroom window. So, now we get to both pay for a new window, AND the kids can't play in the playroom until it's fixed. Whenever that will be. Oh, the joy.
>>> Update: It looks like we probably don't have to pay for it, as nobody's said a word to us about it, and the maintenance guy sounded like he doubted we'd be charged for the repair. Nice!
July 28th
2:10pm
Becky just had the broken windowpane taken out of the apartment, hopefully returned whole and new within a day. But what is up with Jacob? After showing so much remorse about his accident, saying he didn't mean to break the window, having long talks with daddy and mommy, etc., ...not 3 minutes after he was allowed back in the room, he whacked the storm window with a wooden tinker toy stick-- Hard. ?!?!!!
July 29th
4:13pm
Becky spent 4.5 hours at the pool with friends.
1) Yay for rainy days - less burn potential, & no crowds!
2) Jacob took me on a tour of every bathroom stall with his 3 trips to the potty.
3) Melinda found a caterpillar that left a million hairs stuck in her hand like a porcupine, and they felt "pokey". NOT cool- She was a wreck.
4) Alex crashed asleep in the car 2 minutes after being buckled.
5) Who's going to cook dinner?
>>> Update from the present: She got inflamed bumps from the caterpillar hairs a couple days later that took almost a week to go away. Got a call from the same friend just last night wondering how Melinda's hand reacted after the caterpillar, as her husband thinks a current nasty boil thing on his hand might be from the same type of caterpillar, which research showed can actually shoot its hair spine things in a defensive manner. Wow.
7:09pm
Becky is dead tired. Whole body wants to be limp. The super-active day caught up with me.
July 30th
11:04am
Becky is so so so sore. From my biceps, shoulder blades, entire back, and even neck... I guess that's what carrying one child on each hip all afternoon in a pool can do to your muscles. Also explains why I was so very limp-feeling yesterday evening.
3:02pm
Becky thinks she's doing pretty good today. Dishes done, all 5 loads of laundry folded and put away, front room and playroom both picked up. Most days, I'm lucky to get just one of those things done.
7:23pm
Becky can't help but get excited about Jesse applying for a great-sounding job in Butte, Montana. Not Colorado... but a perfect halfway point between our families, and still nestled in the mountains! But I hate getting excited, too, afraid to set myself up for disappointment.
>>> Update from the present: He called to follow up not long ago. They are still reviewing resumes. He plans to call again this coming Thursday, which is 2 weeks from when he last called.
July 31st
2:04pm
Becky took Melinda for her school physical today. Car overheated on the way. Had just enough fluid to get there, called Jesse to skip his lunch and come and check it out. Got a ride home from some of his co-workers. Wonder if he got it fixed yet? Looks like it had a problem with a hose.... not the radiator again. Fingers crossed that it's a simple fix.
3:20pm
Becky wishes it were possible to physically remove the burden of stress from a loved one.
>>>Which is what I was thinking as I went on to post "Sharp Contrast".
11:53pm
Becky almost skipped past the Moonlight Sonota on the playlist... but found that it really struck a chord with her mood, after all.
August 1st
2:41pm
Becky went to lunch at Red Robin after Jesse finished working on the car. Seems to be in good shape, at least for now!
August 2nd
5:49pm
Becky is making yummy yummy cinnamon rolls.... Too bad I'll be giving them away! Maybe there will be enough to enjoy one, myself, though. :)
August 3rd
10:58am
Becky is trying to be productive amidst shrieks and fits of a grumpy Alex, and trying not to lose my cool with Jacob and Melinda who just aren't helping the situation. At least the floors are clean again.
3:28pm
Becky started grocery shopping just after 1pm. It's now 3:30pm, and I'm just home and finished unpacking, and so so so exhausted. When did grocery shopping become such a huge chore? On the plus side, I just discovered that Wegmans' in-store coffee shop has the most delicious fruit smoothies EVER, and at a reasonable price. Might have to get one every trip, now. ;)
4:14pm
Becky just became a loyal fan of Land's End. UPS claims they delivered my package on Friday... WHILE I WAS HOME with a broken car and nowhere to go... but I never got it. Not even a knock on the door, but it was marked as delivered to my front door. Called up UPS, pretty flustered and mad. They referred me back to Land's End... who *happily* and *cheerfully* replaced my entire package right there on the spot. :)
9:18pm
Becky went duck-pin bowling with the kids tonight. Upon returning home, found what was almost certainly the birth place of the millions of fruit flies that have been plaguing our home for the past week or so: A bag of forgotten, rotting, liquefied potatoes- oozing out of the bag onto the floor. (Serious GAG!!) A few wormy larvae-sort of things were even crawling around in it. SO SO SO gross! But all squeaky clean now!!
>>> Present-day update: Fruit flies still aren't completely gone, but we're getting there. Ugh.
August 4th
12:00am
Becky started a new class at jessicasprage.com, focusing on using brushes in Photoshop. Only one class in, and I'm already learning new tricks and making gorgeous projects! I'm in love. ♥
12:19pm
Becky made a trip to the post office, and came home with a large mailing tube, which we taped to the wall. Perfect for rolling cars and balls through. :)
3:48pm
Becky finally made it official: Melinda is registered for Kindergarten! The principal herself took our papers. We also took a supply list (which was thankfully small!) and already grabbed everything she needs for school, minus an art smock, which I'll probably just sew.
>>> First day of school is August 31st!! ONE WEEK LEFT!! (You can feel free to imagine me crying or dancing with glee, I keep going back and forth every two seconds!)
>>> Also... while looking for a smock pattern, I happened across a totally cute and super-functional smock on Etsy.com, and I caved and bought one there. Still waiting for it in the mail, though, as it's coming from British Columbia.
August 5th
1:23pm
Becky is hanging out at home, thanks to Jacob being ill on both ends... yet somehow he still has enough energy and oomph to run around the house maybe even a little more crazily than normal.
6:29pm
Becky spent dinnertime making quacking noises into her fist, and laughing as all the kids attempted to copy it.
August 6th
8:48am
Becky is so tired of extra laundry caused by kids pooping, peeing, or just generally being careless with spills. Sigh.
2:04pm
Becky is not in the right frame of mind today to react with anything but absolute horror when she is pee'd on- all over her feet, legs and pants- with no means for escape. On the plus side, Jacob said "sorry" and that it was "his fault". Softened me a bit.
August 7th
1:23pm
Becky managed to keep so busy today that the computer didn't even turn on until 1pm! Hot breakfast, shower (phew, glad I squeezed that one in!), feeding ducks and fish, taking Melinda's new backpack to be embroidered (she picked a lovely rainbow... w/ cloud and sun), and then lunchtime. Break time for me now, while the kids make forts in the living room. ;)
>>> And here it comes, the day goes downhill....
4:39pm
Becky is trying to decide if I should cook dinner or not. Kids pushed every button in the book today, and I just plain want out of one more chore. On the other hand, I hate making excuses for myself, and would probably enjoy real food more than restaurant food. Ugh. So indecisive.
August 8th
12:00pm
Becky should really be doing some laundry. Or making lunch. Or anything other than spacing out at the computer.
9:49pm
Becky's van went a WHOLE WEEK without stalling/dying. I'd say it's officially cured! (Well, of that particular "disease", anyway!)
August 9th
2:44pm
Becky got quite spoiled by a couple days in the low 70's. Not looking forward to the near 100 temps for the next few days.
August 10th
3:23pm
Becky cleaned up the front room, playroom, and kitchen, did lunch, the library, quick grocery trip, and *phew* finally ended with picking up Melinda's new embroidered backpack, which is just absolutely PERFECT. I'm zonked. Lucky Alex gets to nap, now. I have to cook dinner soon, on the other hand. But, shhhh... I picked up some Phish Food to help myself cool down, because it is SO HOT out there....
9:24pm
Becky is settling down with the computer to dive back into Photoshopping fun.
August 11th
9:48pm
Becky is so tired. Such a long day. But a good day. Got to visit Cara in PA. And my chicken went bad before I got to make my crock pot meal, so we went out to the buffet for dinner tonight. Kids in bed at 9pm... and Jesse fell asleep putting Alex to sleep, hehe.
August 12th
9:49am
Becky apparently woke up in the middle of the night, asking Jesse some sort of question about Photoshop. He related it this morning, and I remember clearly how he told me I was talking gibberish, and to go back to sleep. I remember rolling my eyes and thinking, "Geeze, silly man, you don't understand at all!!" and deciding I was too tired to argue about how I really WAS making sense. Even though I clearly wasn't.
11:43am
Becky appears to be suffering through yet another grumpy, cranky day. Maybe I'm looking forward to school starting, after all.
4:05pm
Becky is installing a brand-spanking-new version of Photoshop Elements. Weeee!
August 13th
10:39am
Becky is celebrating Jacob's last day as a 3 year old. :) Wondering when I'm going to squeeze in birthday-cake making, last-minute gift-making...
10:10pm
Becky is making custom Photoshop brushes instead of baking a birthday cake. I'm SUCH a procrastinator....
10:58pm
Becky hasn't started birthday cake-making just yet. But the good news is that the refrigerator has been cleaned out and a load of dishes started, so I actually have room to refrigerate the cakes when I'm done! :P
11:36pm
Becky has the cake in the oven, and the white chocolate/heavy cream "mousse" chilling.
August 14th
12:36pm
Becky finished Jacob's birthday cake... finally!
1) Angel food cake is so hard to frost without getting crumbs.
2) I can't make a toothpick outline on the cake for the picture, because it's already so full of air holes that the toothpick holes blend in.
3) Buttercream frosting in a very warm house doesn't hold up very long.
4) High five's to the first person who recognized what on earth I put on that cake!
9:41pm
Becky is wondering what the future holds. Sounds like Jesse will be getting a job offer this coming Wednesday (to replace his job that is running out), but it probably involves 1) a hefty paycut, 2) a move to Utica,NY (no family AND no friends) and 3) a LOT of long-distance travel. We're extremely doubtful we'll take it, but also uncomfortable with walking away from a job with 3 kids to feed. Lots of praying to do.
(I didn't post an update about this, but on Saturday, August 15th, we went down to participate in a ward temple day. I had to stay with the kids, as the planned babysitting wouldn't take anyone younger than 18 months (though it always turns out that Jacob's a much bigger handful than Alex!). But Jesse got to go in and do a session. It was a perfectly-timed trip, gave Jesse lots of peaceful time to think and pray, and he got a very clear answer about what was the right choice. I followed up on my own a few days later with some quiet time out of the house, and found that I was definitely on the same page. We will not be going to NY.)
August 17th
5:59pm
Becky had fun at the Roosevelt Park pool... until I got back to my car and discovered I had parked in a no-parking zone. Got my first ticket ever, $27 for not noticing the sign behind the big bushy tree. :( At least my car wasn't towed...
August 18th
2:03pm
Becky thinks it feels like an honest-to-goodness sauna outside. Going to be a hermit inside the apartment with my nice air conditioning the rest of the day, thankyouverymuch.
August 19th
12:39pm
Becky is sort of on pins and needles waiting for Jesse to call today. If all goes as expected, he'll be declining an offer to move with the remains of his company (RNT) to Utica, NY to become an employee of Indium. We'll see what happens next... it's been a while since either of us have taken a leap of faith into a pitch-black future, but we're positive this is the right move for our family.
4:40pm
Becky can't seem to convince herself to stay in the kitchen long enough to do the necessary cleaning before dinner. Ugh. Need a house-elf to pick up my slack.
>>>5:21pm
oooookay. Dishes are in the dishwasher and being cleaned. Now to muster up the will to cook, lol.
6:42pm
Becky loves how easy-to-please Jacob is. He's got new birthday pajamas in the mail yesterday from Grandma Wilcox. From the moment he got them out of the box, he's been saying "I love my new pajamas SO MUCH!" about every 5 minutes. While wearing them. I got him dressed for errands this morning, but the instant we were back home, the pajamas went back on, and the adoration continued.
August 20th
11:37am
Becky had a really crappy night. Stupid gallbladder. I really need to get around to doing a cleanse.
3:06pm
Becky is sewing up some cloth napkins for Melinda's school lunchbox.
And can you believe one of the fabrics she picked was skulls on a red/orange flaming background? I wonder if she'll get more giggles or odd stares when she takes one of those.
6:02pm
(While having pancakes for dinner, when our usual is waffles.)
Jesse: "Which do you like better, Jacob, pancakes or waffles?"
Jacob: "Not pancakes. (pause) They're so wicked."
*strange looks exchanged between parents*
Jesse: "Do you even know what wicked means, Jacob?"
Jacob: "So bad."
..... *laughter* .....
Jacob: "What's so funny?!"
7:36pm
Becky just played her clarinet for the first time in many moons. Felt good. Lung capacity is shot and fingerings have been forgotten, but it still felt good.
August 21st
4:13pm
Becky 's emotional roller coaster isn't helped much when multiple strangers stop her during outings to tell her to enjoy the kids while they're little... they've got kids that they just sent to college. HELLO PEOPLE, I'M SENDING MY BABY TO KINDERGARTEN IN 10 DAYS!!!!!!!!! I **know** time goes too fast!!!
August 22nd
1:30pm
Becky is taking a break from deep-cleaning the apartment to settle Alex down and hopefully get him a nap. Looks like the laundry will take all day long. Every time it's humid, the dryer seems to take twice as long.
9:12pm
Becky is completely exhausted. Everything cleaned. Even re-organized my pantry shelves, and cooked all three meals. Laundry's still going, as I expected. Also, I married the most awesome man EVER. You should have seen him pitching in on the work today. I didn't even mention the tub or the kitchen floor in the list of chores to get done today, and he scrubbed them both down! ♥ ♥ ♥
>>> Present-day update: Yup, the playroom is already completely trashed. I think when we move, we'll be getting rid of most of our toys.
There you have it! Very nearly a full month in Facebook updates!
I'm hoping to do a few posts in the very near future, about my Photoshop classes, Jesse's job situation, Jacob's birthday, and even finishing up about Colorado (ack, before I forget!!!), but Jesse has this coming week off of work. Not by choice. And, since it's the last week before school starts for Melinda, I'm not sure I'll be spending a lot of time computer-ing, but opting for fun family activities and last-minute playdates. Still, I might find time in the evenings... so keep your eyes peeled!
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