I like to think that I'm relatively stress-free these days. Sure, Jesse's losing his job. Sure, we don't know where we're going to be living in a couple months. Sure, Melinda's going off to school in three more days. But I have faith that it will all work out. I'm just going with the flow, going about our day-to-day life as it happens. It will all be fine, I know it will! We just have to get from here to there.
Still... I guess I've been perhaps more subconsciously stressed than I've been willing to admit to myself. You see, my computer's been on the fritz for a while now. Every now and then, it will just get super finicky and not boot up. When we run it in safe mode, we discover that it's hanging on a file called mup.sys. Well, the grand ol' internet tells us that this pesky little file could be pointing to problems with anything from its USB ports to the hard drive failing. Great. Usually, a good amount of completely unplugged rest time would be enough to cure it, but not yesterday. Yesterday it just wouldn't start up. Jesse finally decided to call it quits on trying to mess with it and bring it back to life, and instead sacrificed his computer to become mine. He made my old hard drive a "slave" to his, so I would still be able to access my things, while his did the hard work of actually booting up. I was relatively content with this solution... until I actually sat down to mess around with it.
Even if I tried to use my internet browser from my hard drive, it would run the browser from his. Complete with his settings, his bookmarks, his cookies. NOT MINE. If I tried to run iTunes from my drive, it would still access all of his files. Not mine. Not the ones I painstakingly organized for hours and hours. If I tried to use Outlook to access my mail, all it came up with was a blank, un-used program. None of my saved emails, my contacts, or anything. Nothing was my own, nothing at all!
This, after a long, tiring day at the beach and a school orientation meeting. The sun and humidity had sapped all my energy. I was completely drained and exhausted by the end of the day, and all the stress of trying to make things mine again was just too much for me to handle. Jesse would offer me suggestions, and it literally felt like everything he said was turning into mush once it reached my brain, because I couldn't even process the simplest of his sentences. It all started to sound like complete gibberish, even though I knew the words he was saying. After a long while of trying, and working and coming up against a brick wall, I finally gave up, shut off the computer, and found myself staring at the blank screen, just crashing into despair. I couldn't see how it would get better. Everything was just a mess, and I couldn't deal with it.
I laid my head down on my arms and buried my face in defeat.
Jesse noticed, and asked what was going on. I couldn't bring myself to make more than some guttural, nonsensical response. Again a question, again no real answer from me. Did the computer crash? "No, I turned it off," came my mumbled reply. Obviously, my face-burying was not a normal response after turning off the computer. Jesse had watched me get frustrated with the state of things during the evening... and at this point, he came over and touched my shoulder gently. "It'll be okay, Becky," he assured me.
And I lost it. It was the last straw. I started sobbing. It didn't feel like everything would be alright. Everything was a mess, it was stressing me out, and I couldn't handle it. I just wanted my computer back!!! "Nothing is right!" I choked out in between sobs. My mind raced. Saying that statement out loud suddenly made me realize I wasn't just talking about the computer. We don't have a job! My husband's not happy! Our van is too old! We don't know where we'll live! The house is a mess! My finger feels like it belongs to a leper! Alex's teeth aren't healthy! My baby's starting school! My computer shouldn't be doing this to me when I'm already dealing with so many things! Nothing is right!!
"It's so stupid to cry over a computer!" I wailed through my tears. Isn't it stupid? It's just a thing! It's not really important! All the important things I have saved on my external hard drive, nice and safe. The really important things are the people around me, and they have nothing to do with this. This is really not something to have a breakdown over. Right???
Jesse paused before he answered. "No, it's not stupid," he responded. "It's like walking into a home after it's been robbed and everything's a mess and things are missing. It makes sense to be upset."
Oh. My brain had not come to that conclusion. I hadn't thought of it from that perspective. Yes, it did feel like that. Nothing was my own, it was like sitting in front of something completely foreign and unfamiliar, something completely uncooperative to my needs, when I was so used to things being exactly the way I liked them and working exactly the way I needed them to. My computer is my lifeline for so many different things, after all. Of course it was upsetting to have that all ripped away. So, with that realization, I allowed myself to feel it: All that frustration and despair.
I cried harder, not saying anything else. Jesse shushed me and caressed my shoulders, reiterating that it would be alright, these were all things I could fix. His touch was a much-needed lifeline to reality. It would just take some time. And wasn't it a good thing I didn't lose access to all my things completely? Not much longer, and my distress came to an end. The last of the tears fell, my body quieted, but I still felt a bit numb. I wasn't ready to deal with things just yet.
But I was feeling so grateful for (and particularly in love with) my husband, who has such a unique and understanding perspective that I need in my life. Who works so hard to make less-than-ideal situations work. Who supports me and loves me. He's most of the reason why I'm so confident that things will be fine. How could they not be, with Jesse taking care of us? He always comes through.
As of right now, even though I've had limited time to work on things today, I've got things mostly up and running to my general liking. I have to reinstall a couple things... but I'm confident they'll work out. There's a few things I can't seem to change (the annoying blockish font, for one...), but I'm sure I'll get used to them with time.
See? It really was fine. But, I suppose every camel's back has a last straw waiting for it somewhere. I guess mine was a computer breakdown, leading to my own personal emotional breakdown. The cry did me some good, I think, and made me realize that maybe I'm a little more stressed out than I thought. It's good to be aware of it... though it sure will be nice when life can get back to normal again. And it will also be nice when a steady income means we can start replacing the aging, decrepit sources of some of my stress, of course. ;)
Showing posts with label Becky. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Becky. Show all posts
Friday, August 28, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
One Crisis After Another
Yes, I realize it's been 9 days since my last post. I'm certainly not doing a good job at keeping up with my posting, lately. Reminds me of my journal just after I was married. Except, back then, I often didn't even finish an entry - it would be left in the middle of the sentence, only for me to find it still incomplete 2 months later.
Anyway... I could blame my infrequent posts on a lot of things. But suffice it to say that I'm sorry if you've been checking regularly, only to be disappointed! I'm having a hard time, these days, finding a time where I'm ready and able to dedicate a good chunk of time to writing about my life. ;)
The past week has been full of a lot of little (and some not-so-little) crises. Shall I tell you about them?
Our good weather streak lasted a good long time. Wednesday was the last day we were supposed to get really great weather, so we took ourselves out to the playground, which was now soft and muddy from the melted snow and ice. The weather was so great, in fact, that Jacob didn't wear a jacket, and was just running around in his t-shirt. I wore a sweater jacket, because I tend to get chilly no matter what, but I ended up feeling much too warm and a bit sweaty even in just that!
Since the ground was so muddy and gross, I didn't feel too keen on the idea of letting Alex just wander around. So I put him up on the playground equipment. I did my typical thing, where I let him go where he wanted to go, and just guarded the exit areas from the ground, so he couldn't fall off. Well, that worked fine, until he crossed the equipment all the way to tall spiral slide. Melinda was right with him, so I didn't get concerned, foolishly. I just watched from the ground, ready to get him as he went down the slide. I feel so stupid that I even thought it was a good idea. You would think that I would be past these sorts of mistakes by my third child, wouldn't you? At any rate, it wasn't a good idea. Alex was having such a good time walking on the playground equipment, that he just kept right on walking when he got to the edge of the slide. Probably because he's not terribly familiar with slides yet, and doesn't treat them like stairs, which he's generally wary of. All I could do was watch with horror as he stumbled down towards the first curve of the slide, which was as tall as my upstretched hands. As soon as his hips collided with the edge, the momentum carried him headfirst over the edge of the slide, hurdling towards the ground. I yelled in horror and dashed to that side of the slide as fast as I could, instinctively hoping I could catch him. But of course, I'm not that fast. I watched him, almost in slow motion, tumble through the air towards the ground, my reaching arms being too far away to afford any help. After he flipped headfirst off the side of the slide, his legs sort of cartwheeled over his head, and he ended up landing with a low thump on the soggy woodchips in quite possibly the best position one could hope for, after falling from such a height: He landed completely horizontal to the ground, partially on his side, so that it at least looked like his shoulder, hips, feet, and head all connected with the ground at the same time. He started crying instantly, and I scooped him up just a split second later, clutching him close to me and then inspecting him.
There was not a single scratch anywhere on him, not even a mark from any of the woodchips. No bruises. Nothing. It was the luckiest fall I've ever seen in my life. But of course, Alex was pretty scared, after falling a good 7 feet down to the ground. Holding him tight and rocking him wasn't helping him calm down. I was so glad I had the ultimate baby-calming weapon: Nursing. As soon as he started sucking, he was quiet and calm, even if his eyes still looked spooked. And I just sat, trying to calm myself down, too, feeling stupid and foolish for letting my 10-month old navigate the playground on his own. Guilty as I feel about it, you can probably bet that he won't set foot on a playground without me holding his hand the entire way until he's almost 3!
After we were finished playing at the playground, we headed home. I practically had to rip them away, even though their only playmate was a little boy who barely spoke a word of English. They were having so much fun having anyone to play with at all! It seems to rare that we run into other children while we're out. But we were expecting a UPS package, and they tend to arrive right around 5pm, and I didn't want to miss it. As we neared our building, though, I saw that there was a UPS truck parked in front. And then I saw the UPS delivery man go back into his truck with a rather large package in hand. I knew it was mine. So the kids and I totally booked it down the sidewalk, trying to catch him before he left. Melinda thought it was great! Jacob, not so much. He collapsed crying on the sidewalk about 100 feet from me, screeching that he was too tired to run (why is that never the case indoors?!?). And of course, since he was collapsed, that meant he wasn't walking towards me, either. So the whole time I'm there talking to the UPS guy and signing for the package, he's wailing on the sidewalk refusing to move another step. Finally Melinda convinced him I wasn't running anymore, and he joined us, face red and streaked with tears. And we got our package! (I've never had to practically chase down a delivery guy before!)
We had done our taxes and got our returns back that week, and Jesse and I decided to buy Guitar Hero: World Tour (the band kit) for something fun to do with our money. Most of our tax returns is going into savings, some of it is paying for car parts and repairs that we needed, but this one little thing, we're having some fun with. And this package that I hounded the UPS man for was it! We were so excited to get it, we didn't want to wait another day.
We've been enjoying our Guitar Hero fun since then. Jacob took immediately to loving the drum set, and Melinda wasn't far after. Jesse and I have fun teaming up to do guitar/drums on all sorts of different songs. Even Alex has joined in the fun, and if he's down on the ground playing anywhere near the drums, he'll reach up and hit them with his hands. I've played around with singing with some songs with the microphone, but for most of them, I'm just not familiar enough with them to attempt the singing. At any rate, it's been a lot of fun, and a purchase we've really enjoyed.
On Thursday, the weather changed sharply. A lot of strong winds blew through and brought cold air. We visited a friend, and two houses down from her, a tree had fallen over, leaning on the power lines. We didn't lose power or have any ill effects ourselves, though! But we did feel sad, saying goodbye to the beautiful spring-like weather.
Saturday was Valentine's Day, of course. The kids really loved getting their own little mini-tin of four chocolates, and a Valentine card from Mommy and Daddy. Jacob is still hanging onto his, even taking it to bed with him, despite it getting bent and a bit crumpled. He has asked us to read it to him several times. It has a picture of a monkey on the front, and I wrote "our little monkey Jacob" on the inside. He giggles at that a lot. ;) Jesse and I just exchanged boxes of chocolate.... maybe next year I'll suggest we just go to the store together and pick out our own favorites, hehe! We don't tend to make a big deal out of this particular holiday. We decided to go out to the Golden Corral buffet for dinner on Saturday. It was full of really delicious food, as always. I stuffed myself with too many good main course types of foods, and didn't have enough room in me to enjoy dessert, which made me really sad. :( But it is one of my favorite places to have dinner, with all the choices to pick and choose from. And I really love their steaks!
Jacob had started sounding funny on Friday: His voice was just off enough that it seemed like a good throat-clearing would fix things. But he started getting a runny nose and a cough just a couple days later, and felt a bit warm by Sunday night. By Monday he was sounding pretty bad, with a hacking, phlegmy cough. And Alex followed quickly behind him, with his own profusely runny nose, phlegmy cough and fever. In fact, he was very hot on Monday night. I'm guessing he probably had a fever around 102 to 103, though I never brought out the thermometer. Despite his near-constant waking, he was in a fairly good mood for being so hot, so I wasn't too concerned. He was pretty wide-awake at about 6am, so I changed his diaper (nursing constantly throughout the night has a way of filling those things up quickly!) and took him into Jacob and Melinda's room, since they had both migrated to our room during the middle of the night. We laid on the bottom bunk - so that if I fell asleep and Alex was awake, he'd be able to wander around on the floor without being in any danger. And when I set him down on his back next to me, he just laid still and "talked" to me for 10 minutes or so, pointing at my face, "honking" my nose, and eventually playing peek-a-boo behind a stuffed animal. He had a smile plastered on his face the whole time. So he couldn't be feeling too badly, could he? He eventually talked himself back to sleep, which was entertaining to watch - usually he really fights sleep. But neither of us got much sleep at all that night. Poor little guy just couldn't stay asleep after every cough woke him up. And if he wasn't nursing, he was coughing. And for whatever reason, I just couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep through nursing for most of the night.
Today, Jacob still has a cough, but is looking better otherwise. Alex sounds about the same, but wasn't so hot last night (and the fever was essentially gone during the day, and again during daylight hours today). Unfortunately, my throat started tickling yesterday, and today I woke up with a headache, and I'm starting to have a productive cough, too. Jesse feels about the same. I've heard Melinda cough a few times, but somehow she has this amazing ability to skip most of the illnesses that circulate in our house. I won't be surprised if she never coughs more than a few times total, you know? So we're all sort of house-bound this week, besides doing the grocery shopping that couldn't be put off another minute, back on Monday. Jacob is driving me absolutely up the wall. He's throwing, hitting, pushing, and screaming almost constantly. And Melinda is doing her part in teasing him and egging him on. And I'm just too tired to deal with it to the best of my ability, anyway. I'm lucky that I got them all down for a nap today, though Jacob was really fighting hard against it. It took him 20 minutes to stop thrashing around constantly and just twitch or kick occasionally, to finally just slipping off into sleep. And I doubt he'll go to sleep easily tonight. I think we got spoiled with so much outdoor time last week, that these few days of being house-bound s really getting to him.
Also by Sunday, I was freaking out pretty badly about another potential crisis. If you're afraid of "too much information", stop reading now.
Really, you've been warned. I'm going into major girl-territory here.
After Alex was born, my cycles came back at only 4 months postpartum, despite my exclusive breastfeeding. (And, as a side note, I always felt rather bitter and robbed because of that! I got 15 months out of Jacob, but only 4 out of Alex, and over a month of that time included typical postpartum bleeding!!) I had been keeping careful track of my cycles this time around, and though for a while they were rather unpredictable, I eventually evened out to a regular 26-day cycle. Now, this was fairly short for me. Pre-Alex, my cycles had always been 30 or 31 days. Even back when I was a teenager, and even between pregnancies. So this whole 26-day thing was a bit new to me, but I got used to the regularity. So, Thursday was when I was expecting my next cycle to start.
By Saturday, still nothing had happened, and I was getting really concerned. But it still wasn't on my mind constantly. By Sunday, when we were home and had little else to do, I really was freaking out. But I still hadn't worked up enough courage to take a pregnancy test. In my mind, it was better to not be sure about anything, than to know for sure that I was pregnant with another surprise baby, only 10 months after Alex was born. I wasn't ready to deal with that sort of reality, so I settled for just worrying endlessly about the possibility. By Monday morning, I had had enough of torturing myself with guessing games, so I took the only test I had in the house. But not until after I had a good quiet one-on-one pleading session with the Lord, where I both begged to not have a pregnancy yet, or to at least be able to accept His will for me, somehow. Because while I don't think I would terribly mind a 4th baby in the house, even if it wasn't what I wanted right then, the thought of another pregnancy, at least at this point in time, absolutely was sending me into a panic. There was just no way of thinking about it that made it sound like even a remotely good thing. I just couldn't imagine carrying, nursing, and caring for a 10-month-old, super-active child while growing a giant, uncomfortable belly....among many, many other negatives that I thought of over the course of the previous few days.
I shook the whole time I waited for the results of that test. It was a nice clear, strong negative, though, and I felt a little lighter. Unfortunately, that particular test was also a year past it's expiration date. And so I couldn't trust it completely, even though most of my Google searches told me that expired tests generally gave either ambiguous or false positive results, instead of false negatives. I had to go grocery shopping on Monday, anyway, so I picked up a new pack of tests at the store, and took another test later that night. I didn't shake quite so much, that time.
Again, it was negative. A nice, clear, strong negative. I was happy, and so relieved!!! But what the heck was going on with my body?? I felt like I couldn't be 100% sure about the results, despite how much I trust that brand of pregnancy tests, until my cycle showed up. And so I waited, a bit anxiously
Finally, late last night, things started up again. I don't think I've ever been so happy about it in my life! I'm also not sure exactly what held things up, though. Was it stress-related? Or perhaps all those short cycles were anovulatory, and this time, ovulation started again, lengthening my cycles back out to my previous normal length? Or maybe even a combination of both? I'm not sure what to expect next month. Sheesh!!
Now, see, I *have* to update more regularly than this! This post was ridiculously long!!!
Anyway... I could blame my infrequent posts on a lot of things. But suffice it to say that I'm sorry if you've been checking regularly, only to be disappointed! I'm having a hard time, these days, finding a time where I'm ready and able to dedicate a good chunk of time to writing about my life. ;)
The past week has been full of a lot of little (and some not-so-little) crises. Shall I tell you about them?
Our good weather streak lasted a good long time. Wednesday was the last day we were supposed to get really great weather, so we took ourselves out to the playground, which was now soft and muddy from the melted snow and ice. The weather was so great, in fact, that Jacob didn't wear a jacket, and was just running around in his t-shirt. I wore a sweater jacket, because I tend to get chilly no matter what, but I ended up feeling much too warm and a bit sweaty even in just that!
Since the ground was so muddy and gross, I didn't feel too keen on the idea of letting Alex just wander around. So I put him up on the playground equipment. I did my typical thing, where I let him go where he wanted to go, and just guarded the exit areas from the ground, so he couldn't fall off. Well, that worked fine, until he crossed the equipment all the way to tall spiral slide. Melinda was right with him, so I didn't get concerned, foolishly. I just watched from the ground, ready to get him as he went down the slide. I feel so stupid that I even thought it was a good idea. You would think that I would be past these sorts of mistakes by my third child, wouldn't you? At any rate, it wasn't a good idea. Alex was having such a good time walking on the playground equipment, that he just kept right on walking when he got to the edge of the slide. Probably because he's not terribly familiar with slides yet, and doesn't treat them like stairs, which he's generally wary of. All I could do was watch with horror as he stumbled down towards the first curve of the slide, which was as tall as my upstretched hands. As soon as his hips collided with the edge, the momentum carried him headfirst over the edge of the slide, hurdling towards the ground. I yelled in horror and dashed to that side of the slide as fast as I could, instinctively hoping I could catch him. But of course, I'm not that fast. I watched him, almost in slow motion, tumble through the air towards the ground, my reaching arms being too far away to afford any help. After he flipped headfirst off the side of the slide, his legs sort of cartwheeled over his head, and he ended up landing with a low thump on the soggy woodchips in quite possibly the best position one could hope for, after falling from such a height: He landed completely horizontal to the ground, partially on his side, so that it at least looked like his shoulder, hips, feet, and head all connected with the ground at the same time. He started crying instantly, and I scooped him up just a split second later, clutching him close to me and then inspecting him.
There was not a single scratch anywhere on him, not even a mark from any of the woodchips. No bruises. Nothing. It was the luckiest fall I've ever seen in my life. But of course, Alex was pretty scared, after falling a good 7 feet down to the ground. Holding him tight and rocking him wasn't helping him calm down. I was so glad I had the ultimate baby-calming weapon: Nursing. As soon as he started sucking, he was quiet and calm, even if his eyes still looked spooked. And I just sat, trying to calm myself down, too, feeling stupid and foolish for letting my 10-month old navigate the playground on his own. Guilty as I feel about it, you can probably bet that he won't set foot on a playground without me holding his hand the entire way until he's almost 3!
After we were finished playing at the playground, we headed home. I practically had to rip them away, even though their only playmate was a little boy who barely spoke a word of English. They were having so much fun having anyone to play with at all! It seems to rare that we run into other children while we're out. But we were expecting a UPS package, and they tend to arrive right around 5pm, and I didn't want to miss it. As we neared our building, though, I saw that there was a UPS truck parked in front. And then I saw the UPS delivery man go back into his truck with a rather large package in hand. I knew it was mine. So the kids and I totally booked it down the sidewalk, trying to catch him before he left. Melinda thought it was great! Jacob, not so much. He collapsed crying on the sidewalk about 100 feet from me, screeching that he was too tired to run (why is that never the case indoors?!?). And of course, since he was collapsed, that meant he wasn't walking towards me, either. So the whole time I'm there talking to the UPS guy and signing for the package, he's wailing on the sidewalk refusing to move another step. Finally Melinda convinced him I wasn't running anymore, and he joined us, face red and streaked with tears. And we got our package! (I've never had to practically chase down a delivery guy before!)
We had done our taxes and got our returns back that week, and Jesse and I decided to buy Guitar Hero: World Tour (the band kit) for something fun to do with our money. Most of our tax returns is going into savings, some of it is paying for car parts and repairs that we needed, but this one little thing, we're having some fun with. And this package that I hounded the UPS man for was it! We were so excited to get it, we didn't want to wait another day.
On Thursday, the weather changed sharply. A lot of strong winds blew through and brought cold air. We visited a friend, and two houses down from her, a tree had fallen over, leaning on the power lines. We didn't lose power or have any ill effects ourselves, though! But we did feel sad, saying goodbye to the beautiful spring-like weather.
Saturday was Valentine's Day, of course. The kids really loved getting their own little mini-tin of four chocolates, and a Valentine card from Mommy and Daddy. Jacob is still hanging onto his, even taking it to bed with him, despite it getting bent and a bit crumpled. He has asked us to read it to him several times. It has a picture of a monkey on the front, and I wrote "our little monkey Jacob" on the inside. He giggles at that a lot. ;) Jesse and I just exchanged boxes of chocolate.... maybe next year I'll suggest we just go to the store together and pick out our own favorites, hehe! We don't tend to make a big deal out of this particular holiday. We decided to go out to the Golden Corral buffet for dinner on Saturday. It was full of really delicious food, as always. I stuffed myself with too many good main course types of foods, and didn't have enough room in me to enjoy dessert, which made me really sad. :( But it is one of my favorite places to have dinner, with all the choices to pick and choose from. And I really love their steaks!
Jacob had started sounding funny on Friday: His voice was just off enough that it seemed like a good throat-clearing would fix things. But he started getting a runny nose and a cough just a couple days later, and felt a bit warm by Sunday night. By Monday he was sounding pretty bad, with a hacking, phlegmy cough. And Alex followed quickly behind him, with his own profusely runny nose, phlegmy cough and fever. In fact, he was very hot on Monday night. I'm guessing he probably had a fever around 102 to 103, though I never brought out the thermometer. Despite his near-constant waking, he was in a fairly good mood for being so hot, so I wasn't too concerned. He was pretty wide-awake at about 6am, so I changed his diaper (nursing constantly throughout the night has a way of filling those things up quickly!) and took him into Jacob and Melinda's room, since they had both migrated to our room during the middle of the night. We laid on the bottom bunk - so that if I fell asleep and Alex was awake, he'd be able to wander around on the floor without being in any danger. And when I set him down on his back next to me, he just laid still and "talked" to me for 10 minutes or so, pointing at my face, "honking" my nose, and eventually playing peek-a-boo behind a stuffed animal. He had a smile plastered on his face the whole time. So he couldn't be feeling too badly, could he? He eventually talked himself back to sleep, which was entertaining to watch - usually he really fights sleep. But neither of us got much sleep at all that night. Poor little guy just couldn't stay asleep after every cough woke him up. And if he wasn't nursing, he was coughing. And for whatever reason, I just couldn't get comfortable enough to sleep through nursing for most of the night.
Today, Jacob still has a cough, but is looking better otherwise. Alex sounds about the same, but wasn't so hot last night (and the fever was essentially gone during the day, and again during daylight hours today). Unfortunately, my throat started tickling yesterday, and today I woke up with a headache, and I'm starting to have a productive cough, too. Jesse feels about the same. I've heard Melinda cough a few times, but somehow she has this amazing ability to skip most of the illnesses that circulate in our house. I won't be surprised if she never coughs more than a few times total, you know? So we're all sort of house-bound this week, besides doing the grocery shopping that couldn't be put off another minute, back on Monday. Jacob is driving me absolutely up the wall. He's throwing, hitting, pushing, and screaming almost constantly. And Melinda is doing her part in teasing him and egging him on. And I'm just too tired to deal with it to the best of my ability, anyway. I'm lucky that I got them all down for a nap today, though Jacob was really fighting hard against it. It took him 20 minutes to stop thrashing around constantly and just twitch or kick occasionally, to finally just slipping off into sleep. And I doubt he'll go to sleep easily tonight. I think we got spoiled with so much outdoor time last week, that these few days of being house-bound s really getting to him.
Also by Sunday, I was freaking out pretty badly about another potential crisis. If you're afraid of "too much information", stop reading now.
Really, you've been warned. I'm going into major girl-territory here.
After Alex was born, my cycles came back at only 4 months postpartum, despite my exclusive breastfeeding. (And, as a side note, I always felt rather bitter and robbed because of that! I got 15 months out of Jacob, but only 4 out of Alex, and over a month of that time included typical postpartum bleeding!!) I had been keeping careful track of my cycles this time around, and though for a while they were rather unpredictable, I eventually evened out to a regular 26-day cycle. Now, this was fairly short for me. Pre-Alex, my cycles had always been 30 or 31 days. Even back when I was a teenager, and even between pregnancies. So this whole 26-day thing was a bit new to me, but I got used to the regularity. So, Thursday was when I was expecting my next cycle to start.
By Saturday, still nothing had happened, and I was getting really concerned. But it still wasn't on my mind constantly. By Sunday, when we were home and had little else to do, I really was freaking out. But I still hadn't worked up enough courage to take a pregnancy test. In my mind, it was better to not be sure about anything, than to know for sure that I was pregnant with another surprise baby, only 10 months after Alex was born. I wasn't ready to deal with that sort of reality, so I settled for just worrying endlessly about the possibility. By Monday morning, I had had enough of torturing myself with guessing games, so I took the only test I had in the house. But not until after I had a good quiet one-on-one pleading session with the Lord, where I both begged to not have a pregnancy yet, or to at least be able to accept His will for me, somehow. Because while I don't think I would terribly mind a 4th baby in the house, even if it wasn't what I wanted right then, the thought of another pregnancy, at least at this point in time, absolutely was sending me into a panic. There was just no way of thinking about it that made it sound like even a remotely good thing. I just couldn't imagine carrying, nursing, and caring for a 10-month-old, super-active child while growing a giant, uncomfortable belly....among many, many other negatives that I thought of over the course of the previous few days.
I shook the whole time I waited for the results of that test. It was a nice clear, strong negative, though, and I felt a little lighter. Unfortunately, that particular test was also a year past it's expiration date. And so I couldn't trust it completely, even though most of my Google searches told me that expired tests generally gave either ambiguous or false positive results, instead of false negatives. I had to go grocery shopping on Monday, anyway, so I picked up a new pack of tests at the store, and took another test later that night. I didn't shake quite so much, that time.
Again, it was negative. A nice, clear, strong negative. I was happy, and so relieved!!! But what the heck was going on with my body?? I felt like I couldn't be 100% sure about the results, despite how much I trust that brand of pregnancy tests, until my cycle showed up. And so I waited, a bit anxiously
Finally, late last night, things started up again. I don't think I've ever been so happy about it in my life! I'm also not sure exactly what held things up, though. Was it stress-related? Or perhaps all those short cycles were anovulatory, and this time, ovulation started again, lengthening my cycles back out to my previous normal length? Or maybe even a combination of both? I'm not sure what to expect next month. Sheesh!!
Now, see, I *have* to update more regularly than this! This post was ridiculously long!!!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
I Hope I Earned Them
You could say I had a bit of a crazy week last week, right? Between my dishwasher breaking, Jesse being gone a lot for work and other responsibilities, me going into a mini-spurt of depression (thanks, hormones), Jesse leaving for Grandma Lewis' funeral, the power going out, Alex teething (and sleeping poorly, again), making crazy long drives with a screaming baby, the kids being their normal crazy off-the-wall selves, trying to fix the car all on my own, and other such randomness... it was crazy, right? I'm not making it up?
So why, then, was I so shocked to discover my first gray hair this morning? I knew the day couldn't be too far off. I think my younger sister even admitted to having a few already. But I guess anticipating that "some day" you'll see physical evidence of age and stress is a bit different that seeing it right in front of your face in the shocking present.
I yanked it out, of course. I did allow myself a few moments to contemplate the oddity of 6 inches, from the root down, being a white-silvery color, and then transitioning to the remaining couple inches being my normal brown. After fully examining the evil little thing, me and my crinkled-in-disgust face went back to blow-drying my hair. And then I caught a flash of another oddly out of place hair reflecting the light differently. I nearly gasped. TWO?!? I yanked that one out even more unceremoniously than the first. And again I caught myself in disbelief that it could actually be happening to me. I'm only 28!! Too young, too young!! (I know, I know, it's not. But it feels like it!)
I went about my day, a bit miffed and slightly more scatter-brained.
And when we were at a friend's house, I helped Jacob in the bathroom. He took forever washing his hands, like always, which allowed me enough time to end up glancing in the mirror and spotting another little gray demon-hair. WHAT IS THE DEAL?!? Three gray hairs, all on the same day?!?!?!
{whimpers}
And please, since I'm obviously at a loss anyway, will someone explain this to me? Why can Alex not stay asleep for longer than 30-45 minutes in the very late evening without waking up and crying and wanting to nurse back to sleep, even when it's dark and quiet and everything.... but as soon as it's morning and kids are up and screaming through the house, slamming doors with full force only a few feet away from him, and generally making an absolute ruckus... why is it that he can then magically stay asleep in his own bed without even flinching a single muscle, for several hours??? WHY?!? Why not put that lovely solid sleep to good use when everyone else wants to sleep, too? Why save it for the hours that he should be awake?!??
Today, I am one stumped (and apparently aging) mama.
So why, then, was I so shocked to discover my first gray hair this morning? I knew the day couldn't be too far off. I think my younger sister even admitted to having a few already. But I guess anticipating that "some day" you'll see physical evidence of age and stress is a bit different that seeing it right in front of your face in the shocking present.
I yanked it out, of course. I did allow myself a few moments to contemplate the oddity of 6 inches, from the root down, being a white-silvery color, and then transitioning to the remaining couple inches being my normal brown. After fully examining the evil little thing, me and my crinkled-in-disgust face went back to blow-drying my hair. And then I caught a flash of another oddly out of place hair reflecting the light differently. I nearly gasped. TWO?!? I yanked that one out even more unceremoniously than the first. And again I caught myself in disbelief that it could actually be happening to me. I'm only 28!! Too young, too young!! (I know, I know, it's not. But it feels like it!)
I went about my day, a bit miffed and slightly more scatter-brained.
And when we were at a friend's house, I helped Jacob in the bathroom. He took forever washing his hands, like always, which allowed me enough time to end up glancing in the mirror and spotting another little gray demon-hair. WHAT IS THE DEAL?!? Three gray hairs, all on the same day?!?!?!
{whimpers}
And please, since I'm obviously at a loss anyway, will someone explain this to me? Why can Alex not stay asleep for longer than 30-45 minutes in the very late evening without waking up and crying and wanting to nurse back to sleep, even when it's dark and quiet and everything.... but as soon as it's morning and kids are up and screaming through the house, slamming doors with full force only a few feet away from him, and generally making an absolute ruckus... why is it that he can then magically stay asleep in his own bed without even flinching a single muscle, for several hours??? WHY?!? Why not put that lovely solid sleep to good use when everyone else wants to sleep, too? Why save it for the hours that he should be awake?!??
Today, I am one stumped (and apparently aging) mama.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Tagged
I got tagged for this meme over at Laughadaisy. :)
Here's the thing: This was actually incredibly difficult for me to write. I've been thinking about it for days! I'm in an odd spot in my life where I really feel like I'm almost just going through the motions of living, and haven't been putting much real thought behind my actions. So when presented with the task of explaining my joys, fears, goals, obsessions... well, I kind of got this blank look to my face and realized how extremely little I've been thinking along those lines. Almost like my thoughts have been essentially empty.
Who am I? What do I think about? What makes me tick? I used to be able to answer these questions without too much hesitation, but I've sort of lost myself over the last couple years, with the exception of random, rare moments. Or maybe I'm not so much lost, as I just don't remember very well because I'm just too darn busy going through the motions. I'd prefer to think of it that way, at least. At any rate, I had to think hard for this meme. And that's a good thing.
RULES:
Post these rules on your blog.
Answer these 15 questions about yourself on your blog.
Tag five people at the end of your post by leaving their names.
Here it is:
JOYS:
FEARS:
As always, please don't feel obligated to participate simply because I'm tagging you. If I have your email address, you've probably learned by now that I simply don't circulate forward types of emails. I've never liked the silly obligations that go along with them, and I don't want to put people in that situation. So if I tag you and you want to play along, please do. If you don't want to play, no need to, and you don't even have to give me an excuse. Okay? :) And if you weren't tagged, but want to play along, you can do that, too! But please leave me a comment so I know where to go read your answers, because I'd love to do that!
Here's the thing: This was actually incredibly difficult for me to write. I've been thinking about it for days! I'm in an odd spot in my life where I really feel like I'm almost just going through the motions of living, and haven't been putting much real thought behind my actions. So when presented with the task of explaining my joys, fears, goals, obsessions... well, I kind of got this blank look to my face and realized how extremely little I've been thinking along those lines. Almost like my thoughts have been essentially empty.
Who am I? What do I think about? What makes me tick? I used to be able to answer these questions without too much hesitation, but I've sort of lost myself over the last couple years, with the exception of random, rare moments. Or maybe I'm not so much lost, as I just don't remember very well because I'm just too darn busy going through the motions. I'd prefer to think of it that way, at least. At any rate, I had to think hard for this meme. And that's a good thing.
RULES:
Post these rules on your blog.
Answer these 15 questions about yourself on your blog.
Tag five people at the end of your post by leaving their names.
Here it is:
JOYS:
- I love watching my kids learn or experience something new for the first time. Anything from seeing a new animal, hearing a new sound, singing a new song, understanding a new concept.... I love it! It's so amazing to me. And sometimes, it also makes me feel just a teeeeny bit nuts. Like, sometimes we sit down to watch a movie that I used to watch all the time when I was a kid. Cinderella, for instance. The first time we watched that movie together, I was literally in tears and choking up... simply because this was their first time seeing it. I don't even love Cinderella all that much! It's just that it was something new that I thought they would love. And yesterday, we got a new music CD. New for me, even. As soon as the first song started playing, I was tearing up again, holding back happy sobs. I'm crazy, aren't I?
- I love the satisfaction of creating something. Cooking a delicious meal from scratch (something I couldn't always reliably do!). Sewing a blanket. Drawing a detailed picture. Playing music. Maybe I should explain that last one, as it doesn't normally fall under the "creating" category. No, I've never composed music. But I did play clarinet all through junior high and high school, and during my college years. I loved being a part of a band, and creating beautiful music. Sometimes I performed solo's. They were incredibly nerve-wracking for me, but I did absolutley love creating that music for other people to enjoy. And of course, for myself to enjoy. I also used to play piano, back when I had regular access to one, and I loved being able to play something from start to finish. And singing in the church choir also brought me immense satisfaction. But as I said at first, even just cooking a good meal or drawing an original picture are things that make me feel satisfied, and maybe even a little bit giddy.
- Drawing a bit from #2, music. I love beautiful music. I connect to it, part of my soul feels like it has a voice when I hear it. It could be classical, or hymns, or even silly kids music or upbeat rock 'n roll. I love all sorts of music, there's always something appropriate for my mood, and invariably I will find that something in whatever I'm listening to really "speaks" to me.
FEARS:
- Number one true fear in my life is speaking in public, and/or being the center of attention in a group setting. I can handle intimate groups of close friends or family, but make me stand up in front of a group of even children I don't know, and I start losing it. Voice gets shaky, palms get sweaty, train of thought goes kaput, nothing I say makes enough sense, I can't put sentences together right... I'm just a wreck. I absolutely hate speaking in front of a crowd. Just as bad is being the center of attention, in any situation. Wedding and wedding reception, anyone? Yeah, that's something I'm glad I only had to do once. Seriously.
- I hate any form of confrontation. I don't like to openly disagree with someone, even in the most innocent of situations. I don't like correcting someone, even when it's valid. It's about as bad as the public speaking thing. I have a hard time verbalizing my thoughts, I get the shaky voice and sweaty palms, etc. It leads me to keep my thoughts to myself most of the time. It's not quite so bad with family - for instance, I usually don't have an issue telling Jesse when he's losing touch with reality and needs to get a grip... but if it's something more sensitive, it takes me a lot of effort to gear up to blurting it out.
- I don't know what's wrong with me, but I really have a big issue with talking about my feelings. As a teenager in love, it often got reduced to expressing myself in a silly, playful voice. Luckily for me, that didn't scare away my boyfriends. But even after I was married, and still now, 8 years into a marriage, I still have a really, really hard time with it. If something has been bothering me and I know I need to talk about it, I honestly, truly spend a good 30-45 minutes running a constant stream of dialogue through my head trying to find the right words to say, rehearsing how I will say it, and trying to give myself courage to say it in a genuine manner, before I finally get it out of my head and use my voice to express it. And then it takes all of about 5 seconds to say it, with a single breath, and usually less than 2 sentences. And it's much less eloquent than I was planning on. And then I'm immediately embarrased by what I said. It's times like that when I just wish that I could give people a temporary ability to hear my thoughts, because it just never comes out right. Quite honestly, I'm afraid of ruining my relationships with the people I love because of my inability to express my feelings, good and bad alike. I just can't get them out there, and it's so frustrating! I can be completely genuine, honest, expressive, and even verbose when I can share my thoughts and feelings in writing (see this post for proof), but all of that vanishes when I try to be verbal.
- This will probably take the entirety of my life, but I want to improve my parenting. I have this whole set of ideals, and I fall short constantly. Bottom line, I want all (or at least most!) of my interactions with my children to be cheerful, calm, and loving. I want them to always think of me with love and appreciation, and never with resentment for the way I handle things.
- Short and simple, I want to improve my spirituality. Truly make it a huge part of myself.
- I want to learn how to forgive myself for my faults, and almost hand-in-hand with that thought, learn to stop procrastinating. If I would make improvements to myself as I think of them, instead of saying vaguely in my head that I'll work on it "someday", then I think I probably wouldn't be quite so hard on myself for my failings.
- I absolutely love new books. The smell, the crispness, the feeling of simply possessing them... love it!! I know it makes so much more sense to get books used, but I crave the newness. I've been buying books faster than I'm reading them, lately!
- I love all things dragon! Dragon art, stories with dragons, dragon sculptures, kids clothing with dragons.... Mmmm, all good stuff! My sisters-in-law got me an awesome gift one year - as much as I generally don't enjoy wearing jewelry, they got me a silver dragon charm pendant, and it's seriously one of my favorite gifts ever!
- This almost goes without saying, but I'm obsessed about checking my emails/blogs/forums. Even if I don't always participate in commenting and discussing, I always LOVE reading.
- I took fencing in college and excelled at it. I was better than the rest of the girls, and only one boy was better than I was- and he cheated a lot (not making that up!). Interestingly, Jesse also took fencing, but it was the semester after I went home from college. After we were first married, we sometimes tossed around the idea of buying fencing equipment so we could play each other, but it never happened - too much money, and we were poor. And now I'm completely out of shape and don't even remember the rules. But it was a fun time! I felt so powerful and disciplined.
- I don't mind my kids making a mess with art supplies, but I cannot stand trying to involve them in even simple cooking. It drives me absolutely crazy that they want to touch everything and help with everything, the control freak inside me just screams in terror. But Jesse does great with kids & cooking, so I leave that part to him.
- I've never had much of a desire at all to see and travel the world. I'm generally happy in my own four little walls. A trip around town, or a quick window-shopping jaunt, is often enough to satisfy my need to "get out". And yet, ever since I saw a nature special on TV, I'm absolutely dying to go to Fiordland, New Zealand. It seems so breathtaking. If ever I have enough money to take a vacation of my choice, and I can leave my kids behind (hey, maybe they'll even be out of the house...), my first and only choice would be to go to Fiordland and see Doubtful and Milford Sounds, and maybe even challenge myself with a 4-day long, demanding hike from the sounds through the mountains. I can't imagine how thrilling that would be - it's supposedly some of the finest scenery on earth. And from what I saw on TV, I can absolutely believe that.
As always, please don't feel obligated to participate simply because I'm tagging you. If I have your email address, you've probably learned by now that I simply don't circulate forward types of emails. I've never liked the silly obligations that go along with them, and I don't want to put people in that situation. So if I tag you and you want to play along, please do. If you don't want to play, no need to, and you don't even have to give me an excuse. Okay? :) And if you weren't tagged, but want to play along, you can do that, too! But please leave me a comment so I know where to go read your answers, because I'd love to do that!
- My sister Jacy
- My sister Melissa
- My sister Megan (who is just starting and could maybe use something to blog about!)
- My "cousin"(?) Melissa (sorry, I really can't figure out exactly what our relationship is, it's so extended! Melissa is also new to blogging, and I'm interested in her answers!)
- My friend and awesome blogger, Summer.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Picture Post
First up for your viewing enjoyment, I have my sweet little Alex. I mentioned before, I think, that he's our first child who will put himself to sleep. He often just falls asleep in the middle of playing on the floor. He also likes to suck his thumb. Here's how I found him yesterday after doing both things at once..jpg)
I don't think I've mentioned that he's kind of trying to scoot. While he's on his tummy, he kicks his legs like crazy, sometimes, and gets those toes pressing against the ground, and it does end up inching him forward a little bit at a time. If I leave him for a long time, now, a little bit at a time really adds up. For instance, this picture: Fairly innocent, until you see how he started out..jpg)
Sometimes I like to add funky little illustrations to my photos to get the point across. ;) I think you get the idea of what this little guy did, amiright?b.jpg)
I need to train Jacob to keep small toys like puzzles away from him still. Hmm. And yeah, the couch is getting old and gross, I know. There's also sharp springs and corners of framing sticking out of the upholstery now, which makes it dangerous for the two kids who think couches are their personal playgrounds. Those couches will not be moving with us. We'll be taking them on a nice trip to the local recycling center when we move.
And finally, a few of me. My hair has gotten to be a nightmare recently. Well, longer than recently, really. I haven't had it cut, or even trimmed, since Jacob was just a little guy. I just hate the cost associated with cutting, but going to the cheap places didn't sound appealing, either. But I finally remembered a good solution that one of my friends found: going to the local Beauty School. The students have to do haircuts as part of their training, and they do it cheap. I dug up the Robert Paul Academy of Cosmetology website, and headed over this morning for a much needed haircut. Since they were only a few miles down the road from me, it was even nice and convenient.
Here's my before shots. Pretty scary huh? Certainly does nothing for my face.
And with this much hair in the Baltimore summer, life can be pretty miserable. And grabby baby hands don't make the situation any more fun. Nothing like prying hair from tiny little fists constantly throughout your day to make you desperately want a haircut..jpg)
They spent a lot of time on me, the supervisor checked me out twice, and the total cost for the shampoo, cut, and blow-dry was only $18. EIGHTEEN DOLLARS. For one of the better haircuts of my lifetime!! My head feels so much lighter now, and hopefully I don't look as frumpy. ;) I certainly feel cuter!!.jpg)
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I went in fully prepared to even go as short as my ear lobes, something I've never done, but the girl cutting my hair decided to go with something a little bit longer to hopefully avoid some frizz issues. The client next to me asked if next time I would go shorter, and said she thinks I would look good with shorter hair. Maybe I will. We'll see. I'm pretty happy with this length, but I seriously was feeling brave enough to try something even shorter if my stylist wanted to do something like that.
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I don't think I've mentioned that he's kind of trying to scoot. While he's on his tummy, he kicks his legs like crazy, sometimes, and gets those toes pressing against the ground, and it does end up inching him forward a little bit at a time. If I leave him for a long time, now, a little bit at a time really adds up. For instance, this picture: Fairly innocent, until you see how he started out.
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Sometimes I like to add funky little illustrations to my photos to get the point across. ;) I think you get the idea of what this little guy did, amiright?
b.jpg)
I need to train Jacob to keep small toys like puzzles away from him still. Hmm. And yeah, the couch is getting old and gross, I know. There's also sharp springs and corners of framing sticking out of the upholstery now, which makes it dangerous for the two kids who think couches are their personal playgrounds. Those couches will not be moving with us. We'll be taking them on a nice trip to the local recycling center when we move.
And finally, a few of me. My hair has gotten to be a nightmare recently. Well, longer than recently, really. I haven't had it cut, or even trimmed, since Jacob was just a little guy. I just hate the cost associated with cutting, but going to the cheap places didn't sound appealing, either. But I finally remembered a good solution that one of my friends found: going to the local Beauty School. The students have to do haircuts as part of their training, and they do it cheap. I dug up the Robert Paul Academy of Cosmetology website, and headed over this morning for a much needed haircut. Since they were only a few miles down the road from me, it was even nice and convenient.
Here's my before shots. Pretty scary huh? Certainly does nothing for my face.
And with this much hair in the Baltimore summer, life can be pretty miserable. And grabby baby hands don't make the situation any more fun. Nothing like prying hair from tiny little fists constantly throughout your day to make you desperately want a haircut.
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They spent a lot of time on me, the supervisor checked me out twice, and the total cost for the shampoo, cut, and blow-dry was only $18. EIGHTEEN DOLLARS. For one of the better haircuts of my lifetime!! My head feels so much lighter now, and hopefully I don't look as frumpy. ;) I certainly feel cuter!!
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I went in fully prepared to even go as short as my ear lobes, something I've never done, but the girl cutting my hair decided to go with something a little bit longer to hopefully avoid some frizz issues. The client next to me asked if next time I would go shorter, and said she thinks I would look good with shorter hair. Maybe I will. We'll see. I'm pretty happy with this length, but I seriously was feeling brave enough to try something even shorter if my stylist wanted to do something like that.
Friday, June 6, 2008
One year older, hopefully wiser, too
Today was my birthday. We had a really nice day! I actually didn't remember it was my birthday until Jesse kissed me on his way out the door this morning, along with wishes for a happy birthday. "Oh yeah," I said. "That's today, isn't it?" What a world. I do, in fact, remember my younger days when I could hardly contain myself in the weeks prior to my birthday! It's still a nice day for me, now, but not the same as when you're 8 years young. ;)
This morning we got together with our friend Johanna and her children. She introduced us to something that I've known about but never got around to visiting: Cromwell Valley Park. It was really lovely! I wish I had explored it sooner. The park has several hiking trails, and the one we visited runs flat and right next to a nice stream. Or maybe it's a small river.
On the walk along the trail, we passed some Lime Kilns. I guess they used to mine Lime and smelt it right there in the kilns..jpg)
They were pretty big! But the kids paid more attention to the nice tall grass, which brought back more childhood memories. I seem to be getting a lot of those this week! I remember camping with my extended family at the beach in southern Washington over Labor Day. We would spend a lot of time in the hills just between the campgrounds and the beach, playing in the tall sea grass. Hide and seek, pretending to be animals, nesting, and so on. It was a lot of fun. It seems like we went to the beach every Labor Day. I hope I have a solid family tradition like that someday!
We continued on our walk, and Melinda and Johanna's son ran ahead excitedly. They stopped and sat on the ground after a while and waited for us to catch up, and then ran on ahead to the frog pond and the stream. Once we all got to the stream, the kids all waded into the water without any hesitation. After a while, I walked through the water, too, and it was chilly!! Nobody seemed to care except for Johanna's daughter, who had some fun with it by sitting in the water and laughing at how cold her bottom got! It was very cute. And of course, all river-wading must include throwing rocks, as well as climbing over rocks. Good times.
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Jacob and I found a very nice shiny rock. There were quite a lot of rocks speckled with something shiny in them - this riverbed would have been a great spot to explore back in 8th grade Geology with my teacher who was a rock fanatic! Or (and I'll try not to hide my head in embarrassment) back when I was in the Rock Club in middle school. Hey, it was a fun club! I made jewelry out of agates, and I learned that yellow rocks, when put to a grinder, smell very strongly of sulfur (or rotten eggs)! But being in that club definitely put you on geek status, back then. ;).jpg)
Melinda gave me a good scare on the way back to our cars. She ran ahead with Johanna's son in tow, and never stopped to wait for us. I turned one corner expecting to see her there, and she just wasn't. I started feeling angry, and then as I turned another corner and she still wasn't responding to my yells, I started feeling scared. There were strangers on the path, a road of cars to cross, and lots of places to get lost or hurt without an adult nearby. And both myself and Johanna were slowed down by younger kids, so we couldn't run ahead to look for them. As it turns out, they both made it safely to the parking lot and waited for us there, but I honestly have no idea how long they were there before we got there too. It could have been 1 minute, or closer to 5. All while cars were driving in and out, and strangers getting in and out of their own cars. Melinda and her friend both got talks from their mommies right then and there. Melinda didn't seem to get it at first, why I would be scared or mad that she ran ahead without waiting. But when I said to her softly, "Melinda, I love you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, and I was very scared!", she started crying. I felt so bad. But I think she understands now. And of course, we'll have frequent reminders for the foreseen future, any time she wants to run ahead.
After we got home and had eaten lunch, Melinda suddenly got pretty freaked out and was pointing frantically to her waist. I looked, and there was a tiny speck. Dirt, I thought. She did get pretty dirty from playing in the stream and then on the beach. I tried to scrape it off, and it didn't budge. I looked closer. It was a tick. This was absolutely the tiniest tick I'd ever seen in my life, so I immediately knew it was the infamous deer tick I have heard about every summer since living in Maryland. I tried calling the doctor for quick info on how to properly remove a tick (and Melinda was getting more frantic by the second, "I don't want it to suck all my blood out!!!!"), but was sent to an answering machine, so I decided just to Google it instead of waiting for a call back. Google is awesome. I quickly learned (in less time it took me to get through the automated doctors phone line) that you should never try to remove a tick with fire, or alcohol, or anything like that. You should just grab it with tweezers as close to the skin as possible, and pull back gently and steadily until the tick releases. The goal is to not traumatize the tick, or else it could regurgitate and increase the risk of infection. I also confirmed what I was pretty sure about already: Lyme disease can't be transmitted until the tick has already been feeding for about 24 hours. I'm positive that Melinda got this tick today, probably while running through the tall grass. I'm just glad she spotted it on her own, because quite honestly, I've not followed the guidelines of checking children for ticks after outdoor activities. I'm not sure I would have noticed it without her pointing it out (frantically). So after I removed it, I took a picture. Because, well, it's so small!! Look closely, it's near the tip of my thumbnail. Inside the baggie, just to be clear. I saved it in case it needs to be tested, and that's Melinda's hand underneath..jpg)
After the picture, I did a thorough check of the rest of Melinda, and then Jacob and Alex and myself, too. All clear, phew! Jacob enjoyed the check, although curled up in giggles every time I tried to touch his neck or ears. Sigh.
And of course, there was the birthday evening. I got a huge surprise from Jesse: He got me a new computer monitor. I really kind of needed one, as mine has been malfunctioning in the most annoying ways, but Jesse made it a pretty cool gift: It's a 22" widescreen/flat panel LCD monitor. It looks so sleek!! And big!! I love the fact that it's a flat panel. It frees up so much desk space! Jesse suggested taking a picture of it, but well, honestly, it makes all the clutter on my desk that much more obvious. I'll take a picture once I've cleaned things up. ;)
He also took Melinda and Jacob out to the store last night so they could pick out something for me. Melinda picked out a card. When I opened it, she proudly showed me how the hearts "bend" as you open it (it's accordion style, they kind of open from one side to the other). She spelled out her name and drew a picture. The picture is of Jacob, because she likes drawing him.
According to Jesse, when Jacob was asked what he wanted to get for mommy, he first said, "Something green!" When asked again later, it was "Something red!". And a third time, it was "Something blue!" So Jesse did none of the three, and picked out a black pasta spoon server, which I had amazingly never had in 8 years of marriage. It's a welcome gift. I've been doing more stringy pasta lately, and it's really annoying to serve 4 people a plateful of spaghetti or linguine with nothing but forks or wooden spoons!
After gifts (which we did first, because Jacob was threatening to open them all right then and there), Jesse finished up frosting my cake, which he had cooked last night. And after he finished that up, he cooked up my requested birthday dinner of steaks, salad and Brussels sprouts. Yes, I know, the Brussels sprouts might seem like an odd choice. I usually pick asparagus to go on the side with steak, but I feel like I've done that a lot recently, and I wanted something different. I actually like Brussels sprouts - they taste a lot like cabbage, or maybe even turnips, which I also happen to like. Especially when smothered with butter and salt. Jesse likes them too. The kids didn't feel up to trying them tonight, though, because it's apparently been too long since the last time we ate them, when they both enjoyed them.
After dinner was cake time, yay! We used a recipe from the chocolate Cake Mix Doctor book that I received several years ago. Every single cake we've tried from this book has been delicious, and this year was no exception. I picked the Lemon Lover's cake, which had a hint of white chocolate in it, and was topped with lemon cream cheese frosting (also with white chocolate), and also lemon curd. The lemon curd was supposed to be between two layered round cakes, but we just did a 9x13, so we put the lemon curd on the side and dipped each bite of cake into it. YUM!! We also had a bit of chocolate ice cream on the side, and it was a delicious combination. And I didn't even go back for seconds! Pat on the back for me!
Jesse took some pictures of me with the cake. First one? Bordering on frightening. Not only the inferno of candles, but the lighting on my face..jpg)
Jesse used 10 trick candles on the cake, the sneak! I nearly hyperventilated while trying to blow them out, and the whole front room filled up with smoke! I think we're lucky the smoke detector didn't go off! But I finally got them all to stay out. After, Melinda said that she didn't like those candles, and we shouldn't buy them. So we know what not to put on Melinda's cake this year! ;)
After we got the kids into bed, at 9pm (boy did my birthday evening take a while!), we watched The Office online (on my new monitor!!). We've been watching all the seasons in order, the first 3 were on Netflix for free, and the 4th season was available at NBC.com. We hadn't ever really watched The Office before now, and it was fun! And while we were watching, Jesse's mom, dad, and sister called to wish me a happy birthday. And of course it included their traditional Happy Birthday song! But this year they really impressed me, they did a full harmony, between two phones! I actually clapped when they were done. :) (And I won't neglect to mention that my sister Melissa called and left a song in my voice mail as soon as she woke up in bed this morning!!) My parents were probably too busy to call, since my brother's graduation was tonight, but I did get a card in the mail from my mom today, which was perfect timing, and also unexpected. It actually had me almost in tears. It said:
And right about now, you're probably wishing I didn't put so much detail into writing. It always ends up being a book. But for whatever reason, I really enjoy the small details. I think I'll appreciate it many years for now. Hope it doesn't bore my blog readers in the process!
This morning we got together with our friend Johanna and her children. She introduced us to something that I've known about but never got around to visiting: Cromwell Valley Park. It was really lovely! I wish I had explored it sooner. The park has several hiking trails, and the one we visited runs flat and right next to a nice stream. Or maybe it's a small river.
On the walk along the trail, we passed some Lime Kilns. I guess they used to mine Lime and smelt it right there in the kilns.
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They were pretty big! But the kids paid more attention to the nice tall grass, which brought back more childhood memories. I seem to be getting a lot of those this week! I remember camping with my extended family at the beach in southern Washington over Labor Day. We would spend a lot of time in the hills just between the campgrounds and the beach, playing in the tall sea grass. Hide and seek, pretending to be animals, nesting, and so on. It was a lot of fun. It seems like we went to the beach every Labor Day. I hope I have a solid family tradition like that someday!We continued on our walk, and Melinda and Johanna's son ran ahead excitedly. They stopped and sat on the ground after a while and waited for us to catch up, and then ran on ahead to the frog pond and the stream. Once we all got to the stream, the kids all waded into the water without any hesitation. After a while, I walked through the water, too, and it was chilly!! Nobody seemed to care except for Johanna's daughter, who had some fun with it by sitting in the water and laughing at how cold her bottom got! It was very cute. And of course, all river-wading must include throwing rocks, as well as climbing over rocks. Good times.
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Jacob and I found a very nice shiny rock. There were quite a lot of rocks speckled with something shiny in them - this riverbed would have been a great spot to explore back in 8th grade Geology with my teacher who was a rock fanatic! Or (and I'll try not to hide my head in embarrassment) back when I was in the Rock Club in middle school. Hey, it was a fun club! I made jewelry out of agates, and I learned that yellow rocks, when put to a grinder, smell very strongly of sulfur (or rotten eggs)! But being in that club definitely put you on geek status, back then. ;)
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Melinda gave me a good scare on the way back to our cars. She ran ahead with Johanna's son in tow, and never stopped to wait for us. I turned one corner expecting to see her there, and she just wasn't. I started feeling angry, and then as I turned another corner and she still wasn't responding to my yells, I started feeling scared. There were strangers on the path, a road of cars to cross, and lots of places to get lost or hurt without an adult nearby. And both myself and Johanna were slowed down by younger kids, so we couldn't run ahead to look for them. As it turns out, they both made it safely to the parking lot and waited for us there, but I honestly have no idea how long they were there before we got there too. It could have been 1 minute, or closer to 5. All while cars were driving in and out, and strangers getting in and out of their own cars. Melinda and her friend both got talks from their mommies right then and there. Melinda didn't seem to get it at first, why I would be scared or mad that she ran ahead without waiting. But when I said to her softly, "Melinda, I love you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you, and I was very scared!", she started crying. I felt so bad. But I think she understands now. And of course, we'll have frequent reminders for the foreseen future, any time she wants to run ahead.
After we got home and had eaten lunch, Melinda suddenly got pretty freaked out and was pointing frantically to her waist. I looked, and there was a tiny speck. Dirt, I thought. She did get pretty dirty from playing in the stream and then on the beach. I tried to scrape it off, and it didn't budge. I looked closer. It was a tick. This was absolutely the tiniest tick I'd ever seen in my life, so I immediately knew it was the infamous deer tick I have heard about every summer since living in Maryland. I tried calling the doctor for quick info on how to properly remove a tick (and Melinda was getting more frantic by the second, "I don't want it to suck all my blood out!!!!"), but was sent to an answering machine, so I decided just to Google it instead of waiting for a call back. Google is awesome. I quickly learned (in less time it took me to get through the automated doctors phone line) that you should never try to remove a tick with fire, or alcohol, or anything like that. You should just grab it with tweezers as close to the skin as possible, and pull back gently and steadily until the tick releases. The goal is to not traumatize the tick, or else it could regurgitate and increase the risk of infection. I also confirmed what I was pretty sure about already: Lyme disease can't be transmitted until the tick has already been feeding for about 24 hours. I'm positive that Melinda got this tick today, probably while running through the tall grass. I'm just glad she spotted it on her own, because quite honestly, I've not followed the guidelines of checking children for ticks after outdoor activities. I'm not sure I would have noticed it without her pointing it out (frantically). So after I removed it, I took a picture. Because, well, it's so small!! Look closely, it's near the tip of my thumbnail. Inside the baggie, just to be clear. I saved it in case it needs to be tested, and that's Melinda's hand underneath.
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After the picture, I did a thorough check of the rest of Melinda, and then Jacob and Alex and myself, too. All clear, phew! Jacob enjoyed the check, although curled up in giggles every time I tried to touch his neck or ears. Sigh.
And of course, there was the birthday evening. I got a huge surprise from Jesse: He got me a new computer monitor. I really kind of needed one, as mine has been malfunctioning in the most annoying ways, but Jesse made it a pretty cool gift: It's a 22" widescreen/flat panel LCD monitor. It looks so sleek!! And big!! I love the fact that it's a flat panel. It frees up so much desk space! Jesse suggested taking a picture of it, but well, honestly, it makes all the clutter on my desk that much more obvious. I'll take a picture once I've cleaned things up. ;)
He also took Melinda and Jacob out to the store last night so they could pick out something for me. Melinda picked out a card. When I opened it, she proudly showed me how the hearts "bend" as you open it (it's accordion style, they kind of open from one side to the other). She spelled out her name and drew a picture. The picture is of Jacob, because she likes drawing him.
According to Jesse, when Jacob was asked what he wanted to get for mommy, he first said, "Something green!" When asked again later, it was "Something red!". And a third time, it was "Something blue!" So Jesse did none of the three, and picked out a black pasta spoon server, which I had amazingly never had in 8 years of marriage. It's a welcome gift. I've been doing more stringy pasta lately, and it's really annoying to serve 4 people a plateful of spaghetti or linguine with nothing but forks or wooden spoons!
After gifts (which we did first, because Jacob was threatening to open them all right then and there), Jesse finished up frosting my cake, which he had cooked last night. And after he finished that up, he cooked up my requested birthday dinner of steaks, salad and Brussels sprouts. Yes, I know, the Brussels sprouts might seem like an odd choice. I usually pick asparagus to go on the side with steak, but I feel like I've done that a lot recently, and I wanted something different. I actually like Brussels sprouts - they taste a lot like cabbage, or maybe even turnips, which I also happen to like. Especially when smothered with butter and salt. Jesse likes them too. The kids didn't feel up to trying them tonight, though, because it's apparently been too long since the last time we ate them, when they both enjoyed them.
After dinner was cake time, yay! We used a recipe from the chocolate Cake Mix Doctor book that I received several years ago. Every single cake we've tried from this book has been delicious, and this year was no exception. I picked the Lemon Lover's cake, which had a hint of white chocolate in it, and was topped with lemon cream cheese frosting (also with white chocolate), and also lemon curd. The lemon curd was supposed to be between two layered round cakes, but we just did a 9x13, so we put the lemon curd on the side and dipped each bite of cake into it. YUM!! We also had a bit of chocolate ice cream on the side, and it was a delicious combination. And I didn't even go back for seconds! Pat on the back for me!
Jesse took some pictures of me with the cake. First one? Bordering on frightening. Not only the inferno of candles, but the lighting on my face.
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Jesse used 10 trick candles on the cake, the sneak! I nearly hyperventilated while trying to blow them out, and the whole front room filled up with smoke! I think we're lucky the smoke detector didn't go off! But I finally got them all to stay out. After, Melinda said that she didn't like those candles, and we shouldn't buy them. So we know what not to put on Melinda's cake this year! ;)
After we got the kids into bed, at 9pm (boy did my birthday evening take a while!), we watched The Office online (on my new monitor!!). We've been watching all the seasons in order, the first 3 were on Netflix for free, and the 4th season was available at NBC.com. We hadn't ever really watched The Office before now, and it was fun! And while we were watching, Jesse's mom, dad, and sister called to wish me a happy birthday. And of course it included their traditional Happy Birthday song! But this year they really impressed me, they did a full harmony, between two phones! I actually clapped when they were done. :) (And I won't neglect to mention that my sister Melissa called and left a song in my voice mail as soon as she woke up in bed this morning!!) My parents were probably too busy to call, since my brother's graduation was tonight, but I did get a card in the mail from my mom today, which was perfect timing, and also unexpected. It actually had me almost in tears. It said:You've grown intoI think I'm starting to understand exactly what that means. And I wonder if maybe my birthday isn't so much more special for my mom than it is for me. I know I'm always very thoughtful on my childrens' birthdays.
a very special woman,
and my love and pride in you
have grown, too.
But there is a secret place within me
where you will always be
my little girl,
and on days like this,
my heart visits that place....
and remembers.
And right about now, you're probably wishing I didn't put so much detail into writing. It always ends up being a book. But for whatever reason, I really enjoy the small details. I think I'll appreciate it many years for now. Hope it doesn't bore my blog readers in the process!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
I got an award for being awesome!
Okay, it wasn't specifically for being awesome.
But we did have the Cub Scouts Blue & Gold dinner this past Wednesday night. It went very nicely, aside from starting at a very crazy 7pm, with so many families bringing young kids in tow. Combine the two very big "no-no's" of kids eating a very late dinner and kids being up long past their bedtime, and you have a recipe for an extremely long, tiring night. But I digress. Back to my award! :)
At the end of the very long awards presentation (one of the boys even got his Arrow of Light badge...I'm new to this whole scouting thing, so that was definitely a learning experience), they asked Jesse to come up, as well as "Sister Newson". I blinked, looked at Jesse, and asked, "They want me to come up front?" I couldn't imagine why. I was rather embarrassed. But they wanted to give me an award (an actual certificate, mind you!) called the "Scouter's Wife Award". I kid you not. This thing actually has a large, golden, embossed scout symbol on it. It says, "Becky Newson, whose devoted support of her husband's Scouting has made possible his service to youth." Signed by the Den Leader, and one of the Bishopric members (it says "COR" under his name - does that make him a coordinator or something?), and [insert me giggling quietly] also by Jesse. The Den Leader made a very small speech about how impossible it would be for anyone to serve in Scouting without the large support of their spouse. I said a bashful thank you, and waddled (remember, 36 weeks pregnant, folks!) back to my seat as quickly as possible.
It's nice to be thought of and thanked, that's for sure, especially for something so unexpected (I mean, doesn't every wife need to support her husband's calling?). And I guess I do help out a bit. I screen his email and make sure he's paying attention and following up, at very least! And I do have to deal with him being out of the home at least one evening a night for Scouts, and encourage him to go to his crazy long Roundtable meetings even when he knows that he'll be there forever for very little logical reason. Now if only I were supportive enough to help him track down a Scouting shirt that he keeps being badgered about!
OH! Side story that Jesse related to me: The Arrow of Light committee, who did the award presentation (rather ceremoniously!), were taking bets on their way to our dinner- whether we would be serving chicken breasts or spaghetti. They commented to someone that we totally blew them out of the water! The theme was the Chinese New Year, so we had quite an array of Chinese-themed foods. Sweet & Sour Chicken and another version of Chinese Chicken were served as the main course, and little egg rolls were also provided...and fortune cookies, of course. Attendees were asked to bring sides in theme. I ventured out on a limb and made vegetable chow mein, although a *lot* of the other dishes were some variety of broccoli and carrots, it was almost funny. But yeah, it was fun to hear their expectations compared to what we actually had. (And a note to myself - in the future, keep to Jesse's potluck rule: Never bring more than would feed your own family, no matter how much they ask for. Otherwise you go home with enough leftovers to feed you for three days.)
In other completely unrelated news, but still worthy of mention: We were out enough today that we couldn't continue the diaper-less experience of Jacob and the potty. But while we were home, and Jacob in his diaper, he did come to me and tell me that he wanted to poop on the potty. I again helped him with getting his pants and diaper off, and sure enough, a few minutes later he came running down the hall to tell me he did it!! I am very proud of him! And then he did it again this evening, a bit before bedtime. But he had to go a little bit more after we had already tucked him in for the night, and I guess he didn't realize he can call for us. He just stood at the bedroom door, wiggling it enough to make me annoyed enough to get up and put him back in bed...but when he saw me he quickly said, "I pooped, mommy" and grabbed at his diaper to make sure I understood, I guess. Still - it's very cool that he's taking so much initiative in this potty stuff!
But we did have the Cub Scouts Blue & Gold dinner this past Wednesday night. It went very nicely, aside from starting at a very crazy 7pm, with so many families bringing young kids in tow. Combine the two very big "no-no's" of kids eating a very late dinner and kids being up long past their bedtime, and you have a recipe for an extremely long, tiring night. But I digress. Back to my award! :)
At the end of the very long awards presentation (one of the boys even got his Arrow of Light badge...I'm new to this whole scouting thing, so that was definitely a learning experience), they asked Jesse to come up, as well as "Sister Newson". I blinked, looked at Jesse, and asked, "They want me to come up front?" I couldn't imagine why. I was rather embarrassed. But they wanted to give me an award (an actual certificate, mind you!) called the "Scouter's Wife Award". I kid you not. This thing actually has a large, golden, embossed scout symbol on it. It says, "Becky Newson, whose devoted support of her husband's Scouting has made possible his service to youth." Signed by the Den Leader, and one of the Bishopric members (it says "COR" under his name - does that make him a coordinator or something?), and [insert me giggling quietly] also by Jesse. The Den Leader made a very small speech about how impossible it would be for anyone to serve in Scouting without the large support of their spouse. I said a bashful thank you, and waddled (remember, 36 weeks pregnant, folks!) back to my seat as quickly as possible.
It's nice to be thought of and thanked, that's for sure, especially for something so unexpected (I mean, doesn't every wife need to support her husband's calling?). And I guess I do help out a bit. I screen his email and make sure he's paying attention and following up, at very least! And I do have to deal with him being out of the home at least one evening a night for Scouts, and encourage him to go to his crazy long Roundtable meetings even when he knows that he'll be there forever for very little logical reason. Now if only I were supportive enough to help him track down a Scouting shirt that he keeps being badgered about!
OH! Side story that Jesse related to me: The Arrow of Light committee, who did the award presentation (rather ceremoniously!), were taking bets on their way to our dinner- whether we would be serving chicken breasts or spaghetti. They commented to someone that we totally blew them out of the water! The theme was the Chinese New Year, so we had quite an array of Chinese-themed foods. Sweet & Sour Chicken and another version of Chinese Chicken were served as the main course, and little egg rolls were also provided...and fortune cookies, of course. Attendees were asked to bring sides in theme. I ventured out on a limb and made vegetable chow mein, although a *lot* of the other dishes were some variety of broccoli and carrots, it was almost funny. But yeah, it was fun to hear their expectations compared to what we actually had. (And a note to myself - in the future, keep to Jesse's potluck rule: Never bring more than would feed your own family, no matter how much they ask for. Otherwise you go home with enough leftovers to feed you for three days.)
In other completely unrelated news, but still worthy of mention: We were out enough today that we couldn't continue the diaper-less experience of Jacob and the potty. But while we were home, and Jacob in his diaper, he did come to me and tell me that he wanted to poop on the potty. I again helped him with getting his pants and diaper off, and sure enough, a few minutes later he came running down the hall to tell me he did it!! I am very proud of him! And then he did it again this evening, a bit before bedtime. But he had to go a little bit more after we had already tucked him in for the night, and I guess he didn't realize he can call for us. He just stood at the bedroom door, wiggling it enough to make me annoyed enough to get up and put him back in bed...but when he saw me he quickly said, "I pooped, mommy" and grabbed at his diaper to make sure I understood, I guess. Still - it's very cool that he's taking so much initiative in this potty stuff!
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