Perfect Reminders

This post is a direct follow-up of this one, so go over and read it first if you haven't already.

So, as it turns out, what a difference a day makes. By the time Jesse woke up on Saturday morning, he was in much better spirits. Stiff and sore from spending time under the car on Friday afternoon, but obviously feeling more confident.

He headed out to the car first thing in the morning. Actually, Friday night seemed to help a lot: He had taken off to go pick up parts at the auto shop, and stopped to browse GameStop (for a potential birthday gift for Jacob), and also walked over to 7-11 and picked up a nice big Slurpee. Because, you know... those Slurpees can cure any foul mood. ;) No, but really... he spent a good chunk of time out of the house, and when he came back, he was much better. I know I often do well to just get out, too. Anyway, so he already had all the car parts on hand, and the van was ready for working on.

He decided to just cut out the bad section of pipe and replace it with a hose, an idea he found browsing forums online. Seems that he gets most of his car-repair ideas from the internet, these days. The pipe that was bad had been rusted out, and basically exploded into a series of holes. Not unlike the hot water pipes that caused multiple leaks in our old apartment. Back then, they simply clamped a hole, 4 or 5 different times, until finally they decided they had better replace the whole thing. Well, I'm sure this pipe will eventually need to be completely replaced, but for now, it's just patched. Hopefully, and this is a VERY BIG hopefully, we will be able to replace our van before another piece of the pipe rusts all the way through.

In all honesty, I think it was a full-on miracle that I was able to get from the interstate to Melinda's doctor appointment after the car overheated on Friday. After seeing how quickly the fluid was pouring out of that pipe.... it's a wonder I got anywhere at all without issue.

Back to the repairs... this is the piece of pipe that Jesse cut out. Lovely, isn't it? Completely rusted. Hilariously clamped. But, it got him home with the van, saving us a towing fee.

While he was working on taking care of that, he decided to knock out a few other repairs. First, he replaced the serpentine belt. It had been getting worse and worse, giving off a near-constant squeaky hum that annoyed me to death. Second, he replaced the MAP sensor. We think, knock on wood, that this is the solution to our year+ battle with the van randomly dying or jerking while driving. Apparently, what this sensor does is monitor the pressure in the fuel lines and adjust the amount of gas sent to be combusted. So if it senses wrongly, it will send the wrong amount of gas, and thus (according to information we read) cause mis-fires and poor gasoline economy. Since we've changed it (and it's a ridiculously simple-looking part for $60), we haven't had a single hiccup. We may be cured!!

Jesse finished with the car repairs right at lunchtime, and we enjoyed a good time out at Red Robin, where we hadn't eaten in ages. It was nice! We even treated ourselves to fruity lemonades instead of our typical water. After we finished eating, we went over to the T-mobile store and asked about Jesse's phone. Turns out that he should be able to get a $30 phone to replace his current phone, and be good to go.

So, all problems pretty much taken care of, things went back to normal. But the stress of the weekend stayed in my mind, so I was very grateful for various things that were said. Here on my blog in comments, or by email, or by messages in church today... I was reminded very thoroughly how God is in control of our lives, and that He truly does have a plan in store for our family. We may not know for sure what it is, and it may be stressful waiting around to discover it, and we may have a lot of trials along the way... but He will bless us.

In fact, one particular thing really struck me today. Our Gospel Doctrine teacher is the daughter of Elder Andersen, as I mentioned in a previous Facebook Friday. She was telling a story today taht happened when she was younger: A missionary was talking to Elder Andersen (I think when he was a Mission President, but Alex was distracting so I didn't catch that part for sure). It was just after the missionary had completely wrecked his bike, and he was feeling very down and discouraged. Elder Andersen (true to his personality!) said with enthusiasm and sincerity, "Elder, isn't that just great??" The missionary was confused by this response, and Elder Andersen explained his thought process a little bit more. I'm paraphrasing here, not quite quoting.... "Don't you see? If the adversary is working this hard to get you down, there must be some really incredible blessings coming to you soon!" Sister Ebert, his daughter, related how that conversation has really stuck with her over the years, and connected the story with the scripture in D&C 103:12: "For after much tribulation, as I have said unto you in a former commandment, cometh the blessing."

All the rest of the meeting, as I was listening to other quotes, hymns, thoughts, and testimonies, the Spirit bore witness in my heart of the truth of that idea. Sometimes, circumstances can cause you to forget and despair... but I truly know that the Lord hasn't forgotten our family and our needs. And I know that we experience these trials for a reason, and I truly know that we will be blessed at some point in time. And I have to say, Sister Ebert's story really gave me a glimmer of hope... what if, those blessings we receieve after trial (after trial, after trial...) are going to be incredible and magnificent? Something we can't even really imagine? And even if not magnificent, they will be very well received.

I'm so grateful for the loving words of reassurance of all of my family and friends. I'm touched by your prayers and support, and so thankful for your love. I know the bad times will pass... But all the same, I'm glad for the reminder of why we even have the bad times in the first place.

And just because they're all so cute, here are some pictures I took of the kids on the porch while Jesse was down working on the car.

Okay, so Jesse's not a kid. But he's our own personal conquering hero, and he sure deserves a picture in the blog!

Sharp Contrast

Today, I frequently hear myself thinking, "Oh, Father, he needs this so much."

Jesse hasn't been in the best of moods lately.  I'm sure you can understand why, with a job that is quickly (yet still maddeningly slowly) eroding away,  a car that is constantly breaking, trying to job hunt, and deal with things the way they constantly are with three young children in the house.  Sometimes I've worried that this entire giant set of circumstances might lead him to become depressed, especially since he pretty much never hangs out with any guy-friends.  It's just work, deal with problems at home, and worry about the future. 

Yesterday, Jesse found a great job to apply to in Butte, Montana.  Initially, Jesse had completely written off the entire state of Montana for job searching, but he came across this one job, and suddenly started getting excited.  It sounded right up his alley, he soudned perfectly qualified, he had a good background with his current job that would lend well to transitioning to this other job possibility.  We spent a while working hard on writing a solid cover letter, and sent it off.  But it was amazing to me, to watch his mood do a complete 180.  He was grinning, getting excited (while trying not to get TOO excited, because, you know... if you get your hopes up and then your resume just sits in a black hole, that can be a pretty big let-down), and just suddenly turning back into the happy-go-lucky guy I married all those 9 1/2 years ago.  The kids were up past their bedtime and playing crazy, like they always do when they're up late, but Jesse didn't start losing his temper or getting frustrated... he started picking up each child and "boinging" them across the room, like they were on giant spring shoes that could bounce them higher than an adult head.  And then they were all giggling and having the time of their lives, and then Jesse started flipping them in the middle of their bounces, or having them rebound off the wall.  And I couldn't help but grin and giggle and get silly, myself.... 

The whole evening was happy.
Happy!!  Just because of a little hope and excitement, from a job prospect in Montana, of all places. 

I went to bed with that thought in my head.  Comparing it to the typical mood around here lately.  I try to stay upbeat, among all the problems, but it's hard, of course.  And just seeing how happy things could be, I realized how very much Jesse really needs this: A new job, a new start, something to hope for and look forward to.  He needs to be back to himself again.

And such a sharp contrast... that moment in time didn't last.
Today, as I was taking Melinda to her school physical, the car overheated again.  Again!!   Just a few weeks after we replaced the radiator!!  I called Jesse just as I was heading into the doctor's office, to see if he could come over and look at it or at least give me more fluid to put in the car, so I could get home.  It was just about his lunch break.  So he had to skip lunch with the guys, get dropped off in the sweltering, humid air, walk across the street from Wal-Mart to the doctor's office (lucky they're so close to each other!), and figure out what the problem with the car was.  He was just devastated when I told him the problem over the phone.  His exact words were, I think, "Becky, I just can't take any more of this..."  And it wasn't an angry or frustrated voice.  It was a despairing voice. 

But, he came and looked at it.  Looks like it's some sort of pipe that goes to the rear heater of the car that has rusted through and was pretty much pouring the radiator fluid out.  While he was laying under the car looking at everything, all the guys from work came back and huddled around our car.  They shared their time to run and get some clamps and stuff so Jesse could quick-fix the van well enough to get it home.  In the meantime, Melinda and I got a ride home with a couple others of his coworkers.  And to top it all off, Jacob and Alex had to be driven home from our friend's house 20 minutes away, since I couldn't go back to pick them up.  I'm grateful for everyone who pitched in to get us through the afternoon... but we still have yet another car repair to do, and the fun didn't end there...

As Jesse was calling the auto parts store, the sound of his phone was "crackly".  Attempting to fix it, he turned it off, removed the battery and replaced it, and powered it back up.  Except, when he powered it back up, it wouldn't come on.  It only showed a screen that said, "Contact Service".  Of course, we're out of the warranty time for his phone, and it's doubtful that it will fix itself, you know?  So it looks like we're also going to have to pay for a new phone for him.  In the meantime, though, we were able to call up customer service and get his called forwarded to my phone.... so if any potential employers call, at least he'll get the calls, right?  After he got off the phone with customer service, he admitted that he really just wanted to "quit" the day, and go to sleep.  To escape, even just temporarily, all the troubles that were weighing and beating him down.

But my heart was really breaking to see him react to these events one right after the other, on the heels of such a happy night.  I just wish I had the power in me to physically remove his stress.  So he could be himself.  The carefree, animated, laughing, joking Jesse that can always handle anything that comes his way.  It's a sharp contrast... and not one I enjoy witnessing.

Yes, he needs this so much.  A change, new prospects, something to get excited about, something to ease his worries...  He needs it.  And I can't give it to him.

Might As Well Just Call it Facebook Sunday

My mom wrote to me on Friday, asking me what was up. She hadn't heard from me in a while. Oh? Is time slipping away from me once again? I suppose it is. Sorry...

I haven't had a lot of interesting things to talk about, and I've let myself get caught up in a lovely anime series called "Nodame Cantabile" for the past week (english subtitles only, lol, my brain has been chattering in mostly-made-up Japanese, complete with foreign voice inflections). My free time during the day isn't the kind I can really blog well with: Alex is all about grabbing my hands away from the keyboard and mouse when he's awake, and when he's asleep, I'm trying to work on reading lessons and play big-kid stuff with Jacob and Melinda. So, I apologize for my lack of blogging. I've definitely been going in waves of blogging and not blogging lately. Wish I could get myself back into a regular habit again.

I'm sure you're all curious about what's going on with Jesse's job. We are, too. We're really sick of being in limbo, not knowing what's going to happen, or when, or how.... Jesse seems to think that *something* needs to happen, one way or another, within a matter of a few weeks. He says either his company will run out of money, or will get a purchase offer, or will manage to somehow wrangle some extra funding from investors. But there's certainly not enough money to keep things afloat as they are for more than a few weeks. In the meantime, Jesse's getting in touch with as many recruiters as he can (his boss/co-worker type people seem to think this is the best way to find a job, and we haven't had any luck with what we *were* doing....). Hopefully we'll know what the next step in our lives will be before long. Limbo isn't fun.

So, I'll give you an update of life through the wonder of Facebook Friday. On Sunday. And maybe one of these days soon I'll finish blogging about our trip to Colorado, share videos, and all that fun jazz. You'll just have to wait and be surprised (along with myself) about when I get in the mood to do it!! :)

Saturday, July 11
9:47am
Becky is going for breakfast and window shopping at IKEA.

6:27pm
Becky wonders what happened to all those thunderstorms promised in the forecast. The lawns around here are starting to look dismally brown. :(
(See? So boring that I'm Facebooking about the weather.)

Sunday, July 12
8:53pm
Becky is mad at T-mobile. Suddenly both our phones are not getting ANY reception in our home, all day long. And I have to wait a *minimum* of 72 hours for them to check the condition of equipment and towers to see if there's a problem. In the meantime, I can only make and take calls if I'm about 100 feet away from my apartment building.

Monday, July 13
9:46am
Becky left a bunch of folded laundry on the front room floor last night, with a note for Melinda: "Put away" (complete with a picture of laundry and an arrow going to an open dresser drawer). Turns out she LOVED getting the note, and had all the laundry put away before anyone else got out of bed. And she's demanding a note for tomorrow! Ack! What chore to give her next?!?
>>> Additional comments based on feedback/comments left by others:
I haven't thought of something for tomorrow yet. The reason I came up with this idea is because I was folding laundry just before bed. I sat there, surrounded by nothing but children's clothing, and I said out loud, "I wonder if I just left these here, if Melinda would put them away in the morning?"

She often helps put the laundry away without complaint, and she's always up before the rest of us. I didn't want to risk wake the kids up by putting their things away, but I thought it was also likely that they'd quickly make a mess of things without any direction. So, I wrote a note. Since she's just learning to read still, I kept it simple and added the picture.

Now I just have to come up with something else. But she doesn't really like picking up, so I'm not sure she'd follow directions to pick up the toy room. Oddly enough, though, I KNOW she'd scrub the toilets if I put that on a note. I'd rather not have her in there without supervision, though. Maybe washing the patio door?

1:57pm
Becky just loves loves loves Keane's song, "Atlantic" from the Under The Iron Sea album.
>>> I just added it to my playlist, if you want to listen to it! It's waaaaay down at the bottom of the page, first song. Especially listen to about minute marker 2:30, where the song changes pace and tune a bit, it's just sooo beautiful.

Tuesday, July 14
11:00am
Becky had another note ready for Melinda this morning. Asked her to sort the shoe closet. She wasn't as much of a self-starter this time (it *was* a more complicated note). Once I explained it more to her, she dug right in. And now I can see the floor of my shoe closet again, and all those old/worn-out/not-fitting things -and winter things!- are finally put away. :)
>>> She did need help understanding the goal. But once I explained better, she was awesome at organizing piles of shoes, scarves, hats, winter coats (lol, I'm so awful at putting things away each season!), and so on, so I could jump in and put it all away easily.

11:26am
Becky has a working cell phone signal in her apartment again. <insert grumbling about how it took a full two days.>

3:14pm
Becky just lost another perfectly good glass to Alex's habit of tossing things over the baby gate into the kitchen. Ceramic tile seems nice and all, but I've had more broken dishes in the last year than I have in the entire 9 years before that.

Wednesday, July 15
1:03pm
Becky has a bad afternoon ahead. Alex only took a half-hour nap, thanks to driving home at naptime. He doesn't transfer well. And when I finally got him settled in bed, someone outside woke him up, and he was beyond "fixing" at that point. Sigh. Here's to hoping the ice cream truck comes by today.
>>> it didn't. :(

4:59pm
Becky notes that there actually *is* something worse than a 15-month-old who can push around chairs to get into things he otherwise shouldn't. It's called a 15-month-old who can climb to the top of a bunk bed.
>>> Dead serious. He can now climb the bunk bed ladder. I'm so cursed with physically-inclined babies.

Thursday, July 16
6:14pm
The weather page says it feels like 93 degrees outside right now. And I still haven't turned on the A/C.... though I'm beginning to be sorely tempted. Still, I'm patting myself on the back. :)
>>> It's managed to hover right around 81 degrees indoors, which isn't terrible. We've somehow managed to slowly adjust our bodies to the summer heat, for the first time in the almost-6 years we've lived here. I've never managed to keep the A/C off in July before, but I've gone several weeks without it, now!
>>> Depressing to realize it only cut our electric bill for the past month by about $20.

Friday, July 17
1:52pm
Becky is frustrated. Alex has had three *terrible* napping days in a row.

Saturday, July 18
10:45pm
Becky is finished preparing for her lesson on Charity tomorrow morning at church. :)
>>> Lesson (which was on Charity) went well!! :) Guess who was in church that Sunday? Elder Neil Andersen, of the Quorum of the Twelve. He's got 2 daughters in our ward. His wife was in Relief Society while I taught. Yikes? Actually, it didn't add to my nervousness at all. I just hope I didn't embarrass myself. ;) And having Elder Andersen there made for a really interesting Gospel Doctrine class, too, as his daughter was teaching and invited him to present a big chunk of the lesson, which was on Priesthood Keys. He is a really friendly, down-to-earth speaker. But when he recalled the time when he was recently called to the Quorum of the Twelve, and thus given keys appropriate to his calling, he was moved to tears. I have never heard our chapel so silent and reverent as when Elder Andersen stood in silence, taking a few moments to try and recover his emotions. You have to remember that our ward is so large that our Gospel Doctrine class is held in the chapel, and has the attendance equivalent to many other wards' sacrament meeting. It was quite a large group, and it was *silent* as he stood there. It was humbling, and moving. I'm thankful for men like him who put so much of their hearts into leading our church under God's direction.

Sunday, July 19
3:03pm
Becky has been having lots of fun with a 2-week free Photoshop class at jessicasprague.com. Sad that it's over! But I've learned so many neat tricks!
>>> I'll have to share some of my class projects on the blog soon! Also... I signed up for another class, which starts next month. It was just too fun (and, dare I say, useful?), and I was given a discount code... squeee!

11:58pm
Becky loved this music video. :)
(Coldplay's "Strawberry Swing", which is a fun song on it's own... set to sidewalk chalk "animation". Amazing!)

Monday, July 20
9:12am
Becky needs to drive over to the elementary school today. Even though I called and asked for registration papers mailed to me about a week and a half ago, still nothing has come. Should have taken a few days at most.

Tuesday, July 21
2:22pm
Becky is glad that it's unusually cool for July. It makes outdoor play so much more enjoyable when it's overcast and low 70's!

4:48pm
Becky had to dash outside to turn off the car alarm after Alex stole my keys from the top of the bookcase and pressed the panic button. When I got back inside, Alex was in tears. Guess he got scared. Me, I'm glad I didn't step on any glass in my hurry, since I had no shoes on. Have I mentioned before that I hate car alarms as a general rule?

6:36pm
Becky thinks she could probably feed 5 starving African children with just the amount of food Alex throws on the floor from his high chair every day. That is, if they don't mind eating floor-food.

Wednesday, July 22
9:19am
Becky is still trying to process two unusual images from my dreams last night: Jesse with amputated arms nearly up to his elbows, which was sad but didn't impact our general happiness; and Jacob as a young tree (complete with face?!) who was losing his bark, then falling over, then being prepared for death. Why is it, by the way, that if I ever dream of a child dying, it's always Jacob? That's starting to worry me!!!

1:10pm
Becky notes that ever since Alex pressed the van's key fob panic button the first time yesterday (yes, there was a 2nd time, sigh), he has been screaming in absolute hysterics any time he hears the following withing ear shot: a car horn (every time someone remotely locks their car), a large truck with squeaky brakes, a large rumble-y garbage truck, or even moving/rental trucks that beep repeatedly when backing up. Yay.
>>> He has since stopped freaking out at every single car. But now thunder is making him act the same way.

3:35pm
Becky got Melinda's brand-new, hot pink lunch box in the mail. She's so excited!

Thursday, July 23
9:35am
Becky started the day off with a bang- gotta love those morning thunderstorms that bring a lot of heavy rain!

1:38pm
Becky needs to learn how to sew children's underwear. Not satisfied with what I can find in stores, both for too-tight elastic and either boring colors or annoying characters. And not quite willing to pay the price for other people's handmade underwear.
>>> Looking at this pattern on etsy.com.

Saturday, July 25
12:41am (still felt like Friday night to me!)
Becky went out on a date with the hubby to see Harry Potter, got the curious baby back to sleep, stuffed her face with ice cream, and hopes there might be some semblance of sleeping in tomorrow morning. Doubt it, but it never hurts to hope. ;)
>>> Now owes our lovely babysitter cookies, as she refused payment since her job was so easy while we were out! She and Melinda played some games for an hour, Melinda went to bed without any trouble, and Jacob and Alex both stayed asleep the whole time we were gone.

4:36pm (the *real* Saturday!)
Becky is so so so hot. Finally caved into the A/C today. Most of July without it!

Sunday, July 26
3:10pm
Becky is a little overwhelmed with how much Melinda ONLY wants pink things these days. Pink lunchbox, pink jacket, pink shoes, pink pants, pink shirts.... ugh. My eyes are going to hurt. Pink is not one of my favorite colors.
>>> (I went internet shopping for some school stuff. Yay for Land's End backpacks being on sale, and their overstocks section. But booooooo for so much pink that I couldn't talk Melinda out of! She almost refused the cheap purple courdoroys just because of their color!!)


And there we are, all caught up again.
Things I didn't mention on Facebook: Melinda came down with a day-long fever back on Tuesday. We had gone over to play with a friend, spent an absolutely lovely day outside, and by the time we drove home, she was complaining of a headache. A older neighbor girl at our friend's house was letting the younger kids go "repelling" from the lower tree branches, and Melinda hit her head at some point. Couldn't have been hard, because she wasn't even upset. But she thought it was from that incident that she was getting a headache. I gave her some medicine around 12:30, and by 3ish, she still wans't feeling better, and I suggested she go and lay down to rest. She was wrapped in a blanket when I checked on her. At 5pm, we were about to head out the door, and she was still acting a little off, and when I felt her, I could tell she had a fever. We stayed home (took off all those shoes I had just gotten on everyone's feet!!), and she went back to lay down again. 10 minutes later, I went to check on her, and she was asleep. Shocker! She woke up around 7pm, burning up and in her typical delerious/frantic fever state. Since her head was still hurting, I gave her more medicine, and we started on bedtime. She was feeling more chipper by the time Jesse got home at 7:30ish, but still a little warm. Her fever was gone by the end of the next day. And then Alex came down with a fever in the early morning hours of Saturday. He woke up around 3am or so to nurse, and he was pretty hot. So we didn't do a whole lot on Saturday. And he still had a fever when he went to bed Saturday night, as well, so we didn't go to church. Jesse took Melinda and Jacob. Saturday night was really terrible, too. I think the fever + teething got to him, and I swear he was awake and screaming more than he was asleep. I'll be happy if we don't repeat that experience tonight. Ugh. He's fever-free now. Hoping Jacob, myself, and Jesse don't get it. Fevers in the heat of summer just aren't cool.