When Good People Say Good Things

I had a very frustrating week last week. Two days in particular really ended up getting to me. And to give you fair warning, this will be a very long-winded post. So, get comfortable!

Thursday: Still no new credit card in the mail. Still paying for everything with the checkbook. Still very much annoyed by the process. But grocery shopping had to be done, so I took the kids with me and got it done. Jacob sits in the front seat, Alex rides in the carrier, and Melinda walks along side of me. When she's being on her best behavior, at least. Melinda has a lot of energy in the grocery store. Too much for my nerves, truthfully. She's quite keen on constantly running, jumping, spinning, and balancing all around the grocery store. And of course, she's constantly just about to run into something or somebody. And no amount of pleading with her will get her to stop and stay stopped. So, by the end of a grocery trip, I am always quite eager for the wonderfully constraining car seat straps. But first, we have to get through the checkout line. And this time, right after I had finished putting everything on the conveyor belt, I started fishing out my wallet so I could pay. And it suddenly became very apparent that I had no checkbook. No checkbook. No credit card. And certainly not enough cash to pay for a week's worth of groceries. Well, crap. I felt a little panicky, nothing like this has ever happened to me. I tried to get the cashier's attention, but just my luck, it was an older man who was hard of hearing. No matter how loud I talked, he didn't notice me as long as he wasn't making eye contact with me. And he didn't make eye contact with me until he was finished scanning and bagging every single item. I finally explained to him what my situation was, and thank goodness the solution was fairly simple. They just put my order on hold with the Customer Service desk, put my cart back in the dairy fridge, and waited until I had money to pay with.

During the process of trying to get the cashier's attention, and seeing that it wasn't working, I gave Jesse a call. He was able to help. I'm so so so glad that he works so close to home, and where we do our shopping! He asked if I preferred the checkbook or cash, and it didn't really matter to me at that point, so he opted to get cash since the bank was closer to me than home. Sure, I probably could have gone over to get cash myself, instead of pulling Jesse away from work, but really... three kids in a bank I've never set foot inside, myself? (I'm familiar with their ATM, but since we bank out-of-state, we can only get cash without the aid of a credit/debit card if we go inside.) I'm glad Jesse was able and willing to help. But it still left the problem of waiting till he got to us - and it was a looooong wait. We sat on a bench. Alex, amazingly, was the best behaved one there. Shouldn't that be the other way around? At any rate, Melinda and Jacob were both spinning and running and jumping so much by the time Jesse got to us, that I was feeling pretty mortified, and yes, completely frustrated. I just don't have enough hands to keep them all busy at the same time, and they were getting terrifyingly close to running into just about everyone who crossed their paths. Which was just about everyone who was done shopping and leaving the store during the 10-15 minutes we waited for Jesse. Ungh. At any rate, Jesse finally brought us some cash, and dashed back out (because, lucky him, he left his driver's license at the bank and had to go back and get it before returning to work), and I got ready to pay for my groceries. As one of the workers was bringing our cart back to us from the dairy fridge, Melinda and Jacob, on the high of seeing Daddy, escalated their craziness by about ten-fold. And then I experienced about what I would call a miracle, for Maryland, at least. I've always boggled at the poor customer service I've encountered in just about every situation in this state. Like nobody cares about their job, or the people they're supposed to help. If they're not rude, they're often at least careless and oblivious. But, the kind woman who was working at the Customer Service counter that day seemed like a godsend. As I was trying to juggle the three kids and pay, and apologizing when my kids did things like open the swinging door and run back behind the counter, or jumping up and trying to climb over the counter, she just smiled a sweet smile and told me how they're just being kids, and not to lose any sleep over it. She interacted with them with more patience and sweetness than I was. She said in a few different ways how it was all fine, and not to worry, and she just seemed happy to watch their antics. It was a very timely reminder about how my attitude should be shifted, for the benefit of us all. I really did feel like maybe she was put there by a higher power, just to make sure she said the things I needed to hear. Still, the rest of my day continued to be a challenge - from getting home much later than anticipated from grocery shopping, trying to throw together a meal, and making sure Jesse was out the door for a meeting when he needed to be. And all the while still trying to juggle my hyperactive kids. It's a good thing I had someone give me some pause in the middle of it all, or I very well might not have made it through the day with my sanity in tact.

Friday: I had been *thisclose* to joining a preschool co-op through our church congregation. The opportunity presented itself pretty much last-minute, at a time when I had been really thinking about school a lot. Most of the kids Melinda's age are off to Kindergarten this year (but Melinda misses the cut-off date), and most people nowadays send their kids to preschool before they go to public school. But I haven't. I've always felt like as long as I'm a stay-at-home mom, it's pretty much my job to take care of the teaching of my children. Enough to even heavily consider homeschooling once my kids are at an age for public school. In the end, I don't think we'll be doing home school for at least Melinda, because she seems too eager to actually go to school. Although I am keeping my options open if it seems like public schools aren't the right experience and/or learning environment for her. At any rate, once the whole moving-to-a-new-apartment thing was over and my brain had time to think about other things, the present time of the year really prompted me to think a lot about school, and then suddenly this preschool co-op opportunity came up. After asking for more detailed information, I was told there would be a meeting, so I said I would be there. At the meeting, it became apparent that it was assumed that my interest in the meeting meant that I would definitely be participating. I felt quite baffled and frustrated, but was interested enough that I decided, what the heck, I'll just go along with this. The kids would enjoy it, right? Although, during the course of the meeting, I discovered that Jacob was considered too young to participate with the rest of the kids - so on weeks that I wouldn't be teaching, he'd just have to hang out with myself and Alex instead of go to "school" with Melinda. I knew he'd be frustrated by that, but I figured it might give us some good one-on-one type of time, so I brushed off my initial hesitance and continued to go with it.

After I got home, and was telling Jesse about what would be involved, he seemed pretty skeptical that it would be a good thing for our family (well, more to the point, he didn't think it would be good for me). Especially since, twice a week for 4 out of 5 weeks, I would have to drive to and from somebody's house and then have to try to come up with something I could do during the 2-hour block with Jacob and Alex while we waited for Melinda. Or, go back home and come back an hour later, after you take driving time into account. But despite the con's, I still felt like Melinda would benefit from the experience. But my level of excitement had waned since the time I left the meeting, and the doubts were beginning to bother me a little bit more. In the morning, on Friday, I went to the website to register and get access to the curriculum, and it was significantly more money than my understanding had led me to believe it would be, and I just balked. As in, my eyes popped open, my jaw dropped, and my initial reaction was to simply put my foot down and become stubborn as a donkey. I guess it was the deciding blow, really- the thing that tipped the scale in favor of the con's. But I felt like I had already committed to participating, and I truly worried about how my backing out would affect the other mothers. I fussed about it internally most of the day, feeling really conflicted and very emotionally upset about how to deal with my situation, and finally called my good friend Cara. After explaining the whole situation to her, she gave me her perspective and thoughts. Bottom line from her was that I really had to think about what was best for my family, in my current situation, what our needs are, what I can handle, what I want for us, and give it a lot of prayer as well. And she reassured me that I'm a good mom, and am doing my best. My emotions by this point in the week were so frazzled that her seemingly wise words and loving reassurance were exactly what I needed to hear, and I started crying (silently, of course, to protect my so-called dignity). I felt truly overwhelmed with gratitude to have a friend such as her when I needed it.

In the end, I did decide that the preschool co-op was more than I would be able to handle for a lot of reasons, and I backed out as graciously as possible. But I heard of another one, and jumped on the opportunity to get more information about that one. As soon as I started realizing how much driving it would involve, again, and how again, Jacob would be younger than the group wanted to cater to, I decided that wouldn't be best for our family, either. And finally, I realized something. All this eagerness to get involved with a preschool situation really came out of nowhere for me. I never wanted to send Melinda to preschool. And I certainly didn't want to become the constantly driving "soccer mom" to take only one child to something I wasn't 100% sure about, anyway. I started analyzing what I thought my eagerness was all about, and I think I've come to the conclusion that it was created within me in order to get me thinking more seriously about having more structured learning in our home for the kids. Instead of such loosely structured days with infrequently planned activities, I think we need to have a more formal approach and plan some sit-down learning time with the kids. And that's something I can get excited about. There's a lot we can do with just ourselves, without all the extra burden of long driving times, gas prices, wear and tear on our car, juggling the younger two kids, hosting and teaching several extra kids by a pre-approved curriculum, and so on. I'm very appreciative of my friend Cara's words that helped me remember to really look harder at my thought processes to discover what my family really needs right now, and what I can really handle. And to not feel guilty if it looks like or feels like I do so much less than other people around me. I need to know and work with my own limitations - a sane mom is a good mom. ;) Still, it would be good to push myself enough to structure things more around here.

So, I'm going to be spending a bit of time trying to figure out how to go about this all. Maybe by buying a preschool (or kindergarten) homeschooling type of curriculum and working with it to have formal lessons with my kids. Maybe by finding out what other resources might be out there (and hey, if you're reading this and have any good resources for me, please do tell! I'd especially love a website with lesson ideas and such!). But I think I will definitely be working towards a regular, formal learning opportunity for Melinda and Jacob both at least several times a week, if not daily.

And so that's my story of how two good people said good things and helped me for the better. Next time you have a chance to talk to someone who seems like they might be on the verge of having a nervous breakdown, will you please do the same? Say something good. Make their world a better place.