Scripture Sunday

Proverbs 20:7
The just man walketh in his integrity: his children are blessed after him.

In the LDS church's Young Women program, there are seven values that girls develop through Personal Progress goals and projects during their teenage years. The seventh is Integrity. The Young Women manual says:

I will have the moral courage to make my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong.

Being a life-long member of the church, I participated in this program. I completed all my goals and projects and earned my Young Womanhood recognition award. I did a pretty good job, I think, at making my actions consistent with my knowledge of right and wrong while I was a Young Woman.

Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I have to say that my opportunities to practice integrity have been few and far between, relative to the rest of my life. And when you're out of practice with something, sometimes it takes a little bit of work to get it right when you are faced with it again.

A few weeks ago, I got a call from a friend, asking if we'd like an invitation to her daughter's birthday party. Melinda and her daughter are very close in age, and Melinda absolutely adores playing with her. And her family is wonderful, as well. So of course I excitedly said YES! We would love to be invited. We both were attending a dinner party together later that evening, so she told me she would give us the invitation then. In the meantime, I shared the fun news with Melinda - wouldn't it be great to go to her friend's birthday party? How fun!

So when I was given the invitation just as we were leaving to go home after dinner that night, I initially felt nothing but excited. I opened it right there in front of our friend, with Melinda standing next to me eagerly. And as we opened it, our friend explained that the birthday would be on a Sunday. It was the only day she could reserve time at the community pool, and it was a swim party. My heart honestly fell. All my life I had been raised with the ideal that "we don't swim on the Sabbath day". And it's been a standard that we've carried through into my own family. Melinda has asked several times to go swimming on Sunday, and every time, we explain to her that our family doesn't do that, because Heavenly Father asks us to keep the Sabbath Day holy, and that's one of the ways I was raised to do it. Let me clarify that we are nowhere near close to removing all inappropriate activities from our Sabbath day, but this is one of the very few that we're extremely consistent about. Still, Melinda and I had both been looking forward to this invitation very much, and I faltered. I said nothing about the date, just smiled as best as I could, made general comments about how fun it sounded, and so on. And I began an internal argument with myself.

Initially, I talked with Jesse about it. It wouldn't be so bad, after all, would it? We'd still be able to go to church. We'd be spending time with good friends, who also happen to be lovely Christians. We aren't totally against recreational activities - we feel it appropriate to enjoy the outdoors- Heavenly Father's creations- on the Sabbath. We are open to lunches and picnics with friends, sometimes even long walks or hikes. Why not a birthday party, outside, with friends? It was easy to see all the reasons why we should do it. Still, the one (big) reason not to do it kept glaring in my mind. The word turmoil seems appropriate to describe it. I really really wanted to say yes to the invitation. But I also really really didn't want to compromise my family's standards and set a bad example for my children.

In all honesty, I did eventually come to the point of just shrugging my shoulders and deciding that it would be perfectly fine to go. I intended to accept the invitation. It wouldn't be "that bad". But I hadn't yet officially RSVP'd, and the internal argument continued within me. Especially while we were on the road a lot during vacation. There's a lot of time to think while you're driving for 25 cumulative hours! And in the end, I realized what a mistake it would be to attend, despite how innocent it seemed on the surface.

What would it teach my children, if I say over and over and over again, "We don't do x," and then turn around and decide it's okay to do it this time, just because we all want to? As a friend recently reminded me, we teach our children not only by what we say, but also what we do. And we must set a good example for them in order for them to learn what we are trying to teach them. I know that, but I was conveniently forgetting it while I was trying to make this seemingly simple decision. I was taught that you choose the right, no matter how hard it is. And in fact, that's what I teach the children in my Primary class every single Sunday of the year. Choose the Right. (Boy, what a bad teacher I would be if I couldn't even follow the lessons meant for 6-year-olds!) I was given a commandment to keep the Sabbath Day holy. I made covenants when I was baptized, and when I went to the temple. I promised to keep those covenants. It would be a pretty big mistake to do something against my standards with the intention of repenting for it. Making an honest mistake is one thing... intending to make it is a whole different ball game. Ironically, today's lesson compared the feeling we get from making wrong choices to having a pebble in your shoe - you just can't stop thinking about it, it makes you really uncomfortable and unhappy. But when you finally get it out, you feel so much better!

Ultimately, I sent an email to my friend telling her that we wouldn't be attending, and that we were very sorry, and told her exactly why I hadn't said something right off the bat. She was very understanding and told me that she respected our desire to be consistent in our parenting and religious values, and offered a day that week that she could get together with us outside of the party.

And you know what? I felt happy. And after talking about it with Melinda, she agreed that we should stick to our family's rules and standards, even though it would be sad to miss such a fun party. Her only concern was that she wanted to play with her friend. And when I explained that we could make plans to see her on a different day very soon, her face lit up happily. It felt doubly wonderful to see my daughter happy about making a good choice, too.

And so like the above scripture says, children are blessed when their parents walk with integrity. I'm glad for the opportunity I had to remember the things I learned as a child, and to put my integrity back into practice. It was difficult, but rewarding. (And can I just say that I'm a little shocked at how hard it was for me to make this decision?)

I hope that as my children continue to grow, that we will face many more decisions and come out proud of the choices we make together. And I hope they will learn well along side us, and be able to gain their own integrity as adults. Petty as a decision about a birthday party invitation might seem, I think how we dealt with it set us on a postive path for harder choices in our future.

Using the Potty!

Well, it looks like Jacob is definitely on his way to being completely diaper-free!!

This whole week has been good progress on the potty training front. We started the week unable to convince him to wear underwear instead of diapers, and now he's running at the chance to get his underwear himself! We had a few "naked days" in the middle of the week, since he seemed to have accidents with underwear on, but now he's wearing underwear with only a few problems! Yay!

Last night and the night before, he even wore underwear to bed and had no accidents. Thrilling! I was thinking we were still quite a ways from tackling night time potty training, but his own preference proved me wrong in the end.

The only problem we're running into is pooping on the potty. He's always preferred to run back into a closet or a tucked-away corner of a room to poop while standing up. Sitting on the potty for that process is a little odd for him, I guess. He's gotten a little less regular than he has been until now, which made me slightly nervous that he'd end up running into a problem similar to Melinda's (when she would withhold bowel movements for a week at a time). But today and yesterday he started to go in his underwear, and finished on the potty. So, it's progress, and I'm a little less worried.

We're still having accidents here and there, but the vast majority of the time, he's running to the potty on his own, without our prompting, and I think that we won't be turning back to diapers.

And I have to say, I'm thrilled about it. :)

Vacation Recap Part 1

Well, it's about time I finally get around to sitting down and doing a recap of our family vacation. First I was hindered by the business of returning home, unpacking, restocking food, and enjoying the rest of Jesse's time off from work. And then I didn't want to do a post until I had some pictures, and since I forgot to take and use my camera during much of the reunion, I was waiting for my sister to email hers to me. Well, technical difficulties ensued, and I still haven't gotten them, but I *do* have some that were taken by another relative. So here I am, ready to do a write up almost two weeks after the fact!

We left on Thursday the 3rd at about 8am to make the drive to Ohio. Every 3 years, the Wilcox side of the family, descendants of my great-grandparents on my dad's side, get together for a 3-day family reunion. It rotates every 3 years between Washington state, Idaho, and Ohio. This year was Ohio, at my Uncle Don's house. Well actually I don't know how to qualify his exact relation to me. He's techinically my dad's Uncle Don. Anyway, I haven't been to one of these reunions since just after I was married 8 years ago, so it was nice that we had a chance to go and that it was within driving distance for us.

Alex was a great little guy and slept for the first 3.5ish hours of the drive, which was a perfect chance for me to do a chunk of the driving. Jesse slept for part of it, and the kids and I sang along to Laurie Berkner about 3 times in a row. Good times. Of course, we also had about $35 worth of snacks in the car with us, too. Because snacking makes driving happy. Or something like that. We had little entertainment besides snacks and music, and our CD player is old and fickle in the van, so sometimes we didn't even have the music. But the snacks made it an easy trip! The kids didn't fight at all that first day, or even complain, despite being in the car almost 8 hours. Although after about 4 hours, Melinda did start asking how much longer it would take. But she handled it well. We only made a few stops for gas and food, and once at a rest stop to exercise our legs. The couple times that Alex's nursing didn't coincide with those stops, I just unbuckled myself and went back to perform the acrobatic nursing-the-baby-in-the-carseat act.

Once we hit Ohio, we ran into a huge amount of rain. We were hoping it would dissipate by the time we arrived at our destination, but that wasn't the case. The first two days were rainy and muddy and depressing, weather wise. But at least it wasn't pouring the whole time, once we got there. Still, the Uncle Don's large backyard was one giant squishy, slippery, muddy piece of land. I huddled in the paved pavillion as much as humanly possible, being one who has little tolerance for rainy days. But Melinda and Jacob took little notice, and played eagerly anyway.

I have an embarrassing story. When we first pulled up to Uncle Don's house and got out of the van, a young woman approached me. She was wet from playing ultimate frisbee in the drizzle and mud. She said, "Hi!!!" and kept walking towards me. I looked at her and said honestly, "I don't recognize you!!" She sort of giggled and said something like "Oh, that's so funny!" She looked at her wet sweater meaningfully, looked back at me, opened her arms in a gesture of a hug, and asked, "Is it okay??" "Okay..." I said hesitantly. I wasn't sure who I was about to hug, but figured she was family in some form or another, so whatever. We hugged. As she pulled away, and I realized that she wasn't about to divulge her identity, I decided to venture a guess. "Kristen??" I asked, thinking it just might be the grown up version of my little cousin. A shocked look entered the young woman's eyes. "No! Um, Kaija!" WHAT?!?!?! KAIJA?? MY OWN LITTLE SISTER??

That's right. I didn't recognize- truly didn't recognize- my own little sister. Although honestly, you can hardly blame me. I left home when she was about 7 years old, and looked like this picture on the right. Although I'm pretty sure her hair looked more blond in real life. Then, we later counted, I've only seen her since then for a few days at a time on 3 separate occasions in the past 8 years. Not much. A lot of changing happens in that amount of time, right? Well, now Kaija is 16 years old. My other sister, Melissa, when she heard the story (she wasn't at the reunion) said she completely understands. Kaija's looks changed a lot in to Melissa's eyes when they hadn't seen each other in only 6 or 8 months. Last time I saw her before the reunion was when she was 14. A little more grown up than 7 years old, but still not terribly different. And let's not forget that I never get any pictures of my family back at home, either! Anyway, once we started talking more, then I recognized her. I could hear her voice that I knew from over the phone, and finally I could see the facial expressions I remembered. But this is a picture of what she looked like at the reunion. And see, now that I compare the two pictures, she doesn't look incredibly different. But trust me, in person, at first glance, I was completely disoriented and had no idea who she was. Her cheeks were filled out, her eyes more refined, and her hair color looked completely different to my memory. It was so embarrassing. Kaija, I hope you forgive me!! If it makes you feel any better, I had fun hanging out with you at the reunion, and I now have a pretty firm memory of what you look and act like. You've grown up well. :)

Okay, now that the bad story is out of the way....
We had the reunion over three days: Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. It was rainy both Thursday and Friday. And as miserable as that was to me, being in close quarters in order to avoid the weather does allow for some good visiting opportunities. I had fun catching up with my relatives I already knew, and getting to know a few of them that I didn't. And of course, Alex was passed around a lot. Well, not constantly, but when he was awake, at least! (Much to the chagrin of Uncle Eldon, who "accused" me of not passing him around at all! He was just unlucky with his timing, always coming by just after Alex had fallen asleep again...) Otherwise I just carried him around in my sling.

Melinda had a fall the first day that we were there. There was a concrete step just outside the pavillion, and it had gotten quite muddy, and thus, slippery. I nearly fell on it a few times, but Melinda never has been one to be careful about walking and running, and so when her feet hit the step, she landed flat on her bottom. And wailed loudly. Now, I believe she truly did get hurt, because I know *I* would hurt after a similar fall, but Melinda really knows how to wail. In fact, at least one person said to me that it seemed like she was crying most of the reunion. In actuality, she played happily and with little incident the vast majority of the time. But as I replied, the problem isn't that she wasn't happy, it's that it's very obvious when she's unhappy. And there's no consoling her, either. Most of the time when she gets hurt, she won't even let us pick her up or try to give her an ice pack, or kisses, or whatever. All she wants to do is scream. And that sort of reaction really sticks in your head, so I can see how it would seem like she was constantly having one problem or another. But she really did have a good time. And when it was time to start the drive home, she kept asking when we could come back to visit her "cousins" again. So yeah, she had fun.

And Jacob, he had a good time, too. He was one of the only little boys there, and some of the girls (Melinda included) tried to exclude him some of the time, but Jacob recovers easily, unlike Melinda. He was thrilled to have so much yard to freely run around in all weekend. There were two swing sets that all the kids would run back and forth between all day long. And also going inside every now and then to watch a movie. Most of the time, they didn't need any supervision, which was nice. But Jesse was so nice - when they did need following around, or help going to the potty, etc., he took over, and let me just worry about Alex and visiting with relatives most of the time.

While most of the weekend was just visiting, we did have a few specific events: We went out to a field to watch 4th of July fireworks. Melinda really liked that, but Jacob had fallen asleep before we arrived. We played games like bean bag toss and Texas horseshoes. There were a few volleyball games, too, but I avoided those, due to baby + mud + very competitive relatives + many years since the last time I played. Kaija came with us and swam at the hotel pool, which Melinda totally loved. Kaija introduced her to Marco Polo. Melinda can't swim, but she did hang onto the edge of the pool and edge her way around while Kaija looked for her. We had a raffle (didn't win anything), and family pictures (Melinda had a meltdown just as we were trying to sit down, and it's a miracle that someone actually managed to get a shot without her screaming her head off), and marshmallows around the campfire. All in all, it was a nice low-key weekend. And of course, we were thrilled to have sunshine all day long on Saturday!

Oh, right. And I have one more confession to make. I dropped Alex. Oh, I felt terrible! It was not simply an accident, but me just not using my brain. I brought along our Bumbo seat so Alex wouldn't have to be held the whole time if he didn't want to. Well, Friday morning, it seemed like he was in a good mood for sitting, so I got the seat out ... and set it on a picnic bench, of all the stupid places. I put Alex in it, and bent down to pick up the tray that attaches to it. When I bent down, letting go of the chair, it fell down, taking Alex with it. The chair hit the ground (concrete!!!) first, but it didn't keep his skull from hitting the ground, too. I saw it start to fall, and tried my best to catch him, but failed. The thunk of his skull hitting concrete just sickened me. I scooped him up as fast as I could, and he was crying instantly. Oh, I felt just terrible. I *knew* you're only supposed to use them on the ground for that very reason. But I just wasn't thinking. Somehow my head thought a bench would be a better option than the muddy ground. Obviously I didn't think too hard about that. Plastic is easy to wash, after all. Anyway, Alex got a pretty good lump on his head. I didn't worry too much, because the pediatrician told us way back when Melinda got her first goose egg that as long as they cry right away, and they get a big bump almost instantly, they're almost certainly going to be fine and not to worry about a concussion. It's swelling inside the skull and being disoriented enough to not cry that are warning signs to keep an eye out for. At any rate, Alex calmed down relatively easily. Although in all honesty, he's been more cranky since then, especially at night, so I'm thinking I should probably get him to a chiropractor and see if the fall messed up his alignment. Jesse's niece's personality had a similar change after she was in a car accident as a younger child.

Anyway, here's a lot of pictures!

Kaija, Jacob (wearing Grandpa's hat) and Jesse sitting at the table under the pavillion.

Melinda with a small frog she caught in Uncle Don's yard.

Mom (Grandma Wilcox) holding Alex after he fell. If you look close, you can see the goose egg a couple inches above his ear. :(

Dad (Grandpa Wilcox) in a game of bean bag toss. Which is a lot harder than you think, incidentally. It took me almost a whole game before I even managed to *hit* the board, let alone actually get a point.
Martha ("cousin" Chris's wife), carrying Itotia in an Ergo, and pulling Allyson (Melissa's daughter) and Jacob in the wagon. They loved it!!

Melinda with a couple of the "cousins" at the swingset hangout. There was a lot of pouting from just about everyone at one point or another because there just weren't enough swings for everybody to have a turn at once!
Mmmm, my first run-in with "Buckeyes". These little frozen treats are peanut butter heaven wrapped in chocolate! Melts in your mouth!!! I must get a recipe and make some!!!!
My dad trying to cheer up Jacob. Oh boy, did constant playing and lack of naps make for an interesting time with young kids.
A few of the kids hanging out under the tent for a meal. Melinda and Jacob really did enjoy having the constant companionship of kids for 3 days!
Left to Right, top to bottom: Jesse, Jacob, Me, and Alex; my dad Wayne and mom Janet; little brother Dallis, little sister Kaija, (although I shouldn't call them little, everyone is now taller than me...) and a very cranky/miraculously smiling Melinda. Yeah, reamember the meltdown? It was for these pictures. We were just on our way to go back to the hotel and grab a nap, but pictures had to be done first. That was... ... interesting.

My little family. Melinda's laughing (while crying) because Jesse is tickling her in an effort to get a good picture. It kinda worked, huh? Also, the green was totally unplanned.
There is much left to share! Vacation Recap Part 2 will come as soon as I can convince myself to type another book!