6 weeks

Yesterday was technically 6 weeks postpartum. But today was my 6 week postpartum visit with my midwife. Enter big sigh - I got the go-ahead to resume normal activity and exercise. On the one hand, I'm a little eager to get working on losing some of this extra weight. On the other hand, I've always hated exercising, so I'm a bit skeptical about my eagerness, thinking it will probably wear off pretty soon.

And if I'm going to work towards losing weight, I need to be more accountable for what I eat.

Like... I shouldn't go ahead and finish off the rest of my baby shower cake that was sent home with me just because I can. Or, I really shouldn't have two bowls of super chocolate fudge brownie ice cream in one day just because the kids have driven me crazy and it's a nice source of comfort. And I definitely shouldn't let Jesse come home with a dozen of my favorite "colossal" donuts and then not think twice about eating 4 or 5 in one day.

Now, I suppose since I'm nursing, and extra helping of veggie-filled pasta won't hurt me too much, but I really need to find something that will cure my HUGE sweet tooth cravings without packing on a million calories in one sitting. And I may need to work on some emotional issues... It recently dawned on me that I'm somewhat of an emotional eater. For instance, if the kids are extra tough to handle, I'll crave chocolate that much more. Not crave it, but need it. There's not a physical reason I can think of to actually need chocolate just because you're having a hard day. Or often, if I'm feeling bored, I'll start rummaging through the kitchen to find something to snack on. And this often happens in the 10-11pm range, which is not good for losing weight. So I need to work on how I treat food, I guess. Please allow me to be pouty and sulk about it, though, because I just enjoy treats so much. I guess I just need to moderate how much treats I consume.

But yeah, the postpartum weight has me feeling pretty down. With both of my previous pregnancies, I was back to my postpartum weight by my 6-week checkup. Not so this time, not by a long shot. I was somewhere in the 165-170 range when I discovered this surprise pregnancy. And I was a solid 187 still at my a checkup today. That's a pretty big chunk of weight that I still need to lose....and I wasn't terribly happy with my pre-pregnancy weight, anyway. I'd love to get down to about 150-155. My ideal would be to hit my marriage weight of 140, but considering the changes my body has been through, I've gone ahead and put that weight into the "impossible dream" category for now. But yeah... 20 pounds to pre-pregnancy, 30+ to my ideal. I'd better start doing something. I guess I can't count on just nursing to take care of it for me, this time. Especially not with the crappy eating habits I have.

Otherwise, all is well, aside from a possible plugged duct my midwife felt during my breast exam. The same spot was tender about a week ago, but it had gone away after I worked on it in the shower. Guess I haven't cleared it totally yet.

And we weighed Alex really quickly before we left. Fully dressed and with a bit of a wet diaper, he was at 14lbs 6oz!! What a little chunker. (Come on, can't he count as some sort of exercise, carrying him all day?? Oh yeah, it's not my arms that need help... it's the tummy and butt and thighs...)

Oh, I was also happy to find out this week that our insurance did in fact cover our homebirth like they finally said they would. It took talking to 4 different people... my midwife's receptionist finally got in touch with someone over the phone that said they would. We had gotten a confirmation number sort of thing from that conversation, but in all honesty, I was half expecting a fight, and an oh-so-fun appeal process, thinking they would go ahead and try to not cover it. I'm glad they did. I'd rather not stress about it all! So I happily wrote the check for my responsible amount this afternoon.

I'm also very grateful that Jesse left work early and came with me to the appointment today. Jacob was tired and crazy, and we were there for an hour, and Alex ended up tired and cranky, too. He had his hands full in the office foyer...and I'm so glad I could focus on talking with my midwife instead of keeping the kids' hands off of all the office equipment, or hanging my head in embarrassment at their usual habit of running up and down the office hall as loudly as possible. My husband is wonderful.