Many years ago, when I was working as a secretary in a legal office, the working environment became very tense for a lot of us. Our company was heavily into the venture capital funding of many internet start-ups, a.k.a. dot com's. Business was just starting to decline when I was hired, but after 2001, it got really bad. Rumors of layoffs went through the office constantly. I survived the first wave, somehow. As a relatively new hire, it surprised me. But as things still looked bleak, another wave of layoffs were going to happen. I became very nervous about my job, and the office manager was, well, most unpleasant as a person, herself. So my work environment during the last several months was very upsetting, and I found myself prone to nearly having nervous breakdowns. In my search for calm, I printed this scripture from 2 Timothy and pasted it to my computer monitor. It helped tremendously.
I was laid off, but we survived just fine. I felt fairly liberated after leaving the environment that caused me at least some degree of daily fear.2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
On a completely different vein, the August 2008 issue of the Ensign seemed to have several articles devoted to parenting in the spirit of the gospel. One that I especially enjoyed reading was the article titled Love, Limits and Latitude. It's not available to link to online just yet, but it was filled with many quotes from Prophets throughout our modern history. A few of them include:
Kind looks, kind actions, kind words, and a lovely, holy deportment towards them will bind our children to us with bands that cannot be easily broken; while abuse and unkindness will drive them from us. - Brigham YoungAs I try to improve my parenting, I appreciate the wise words of our modern-day prophets. I appreciate that their words go hand-in-hand with the style of parenting I believe is best, even though I'm far from perfect at parenting that way. As the article points out at its close, "No parent handles every situation perfectly. When we fall short, it is important to apologize and try to do better. After all, parents are growing and learning too." I do try my best to apologize to my children every time I make a recognizable mistake.
You can only correct your children ... in kindness, by love unfeigned, by persuasion, and reason. - Joseph F. Smith
Take time to be a real friend to your children. - Ezra Taft Benson
Discipline with severity, discipline with cruelty inevitably leads not to correction but to resentment and bitterness.
Children don't need beating, they need love and encouragement. - Gordon B. Hinckley
If you're wondering what the first part of this blog post has to do with the second half, it's the scripture. For some reason, the scripture kept popping into my mind as I read the article. I've never before thought of that particular scripture with a perspective about the environment I create. But I think it's true - if I am to succeed at parenting with the spirit of the Lord, I need to be absolutely sure that I'm not creating a spirit of fear, but instilling a sense of power, love, and a sound mind within my children. We need to treat our children with the same sort of love and respect that our Heavenly Father treats us with. From the article, "Coercion - physical or psychological - is not appropriate. Coercive behavior includes physical and verbal abuse, threats, shouting, manipulating, withdrawing love, and shaming." We know that our Heavenly Father does not use such methods with us, when we are in need of correcting our lives. He always extends His love and genuine concern for us, and gently leads us in the way we should go.
My ultimate goal in parenting, of course, is to be more like Him. A saying I picked up a year or two from an internet forum went something like, "Christ never said 'Go to your room!', only 'Come unto me.'". It simultaneously makes me chuckle at the absurdity of the image, and nod my head at the sense it makes - my children aren't going to learn any great lessons from sitting alone as a punishment, but they'll learn a lot if I take them, with love, to a quiet spot and talk with them gently, with reasoning and encouragement, empowering them with the tools they need to make good choices.
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
1 comment:
I'm sorry I haven't been over here lately. I've been keeping up with your posts through my Reader, though, and enjoying your synopses of all your fun trips this summer. You make me looke like a hermit compared to all your adventures! :-D
But I did want to come over and say thank you for this post, especially. One thing that is paramount to me is having a better relationship with my children than I did with my own parents. There is truly a generation gap there, a bridge that I think is pretty nearly destroyed, sadly.
I was talking with my grandpa one day last year. He and my grandma (who died a few months after our Princess was born) were more like parents to me than my own parents. They were the rock and foundation upon which my world revolved, for years. I'm so grateful they were there to bridge that gap for me.
Anyway. I was telling him how much I missed my grandma, how much I miss her every day, but that I am strengthened by the thought of her being in heaven cheering me on and lending me support through her legacy of service, family, and love.
He responded by telling me that he was so proud of how me and Hubby were doing things, and how confident he is that future generations will bless my name for being able to build a new bridge for them, after the section my parents neglected has crumbled.
I have truly never wanted anything more in my life than to have children and give them something better than I had - better, meaning love and attention and support and adoration - things I felt I never had from my parents, especially my mom.
I tend to live in fear mode, much of the time. But I do try, and have hope that my simply trying and staying on the 'path' will at least have some effect for my children that might make up for my lack of knowledge in the parenting department.
Hopefully desire and effort will count!
Anyway. Thanks for this one. :-)
It was great.
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